This I Promise You

32

Hindi ko alam kung saan lilingon dahil sa nakakakabang tingin nya sakin. Pakiramdam ko, napapaso ako sa paraan ng pagtitig nya sakin. Nanatili akong walang kibo hanggang sa sya na mismo ang bumasag ng katahimikan.

"I was the one who asked Daisuki a favor for this," he started explaining to me. "Hindi kita mapuntahan sa bahay nyo sa compound dahil hindi ako pinapapasok ng ate mo. She told me that you want space and have time to think alone."

Nilingon ko siya at seryoso siyang tinitigan. "Sa tingin mo ba makikipag usap pa ako sayo pagkatapos ng mga nangyari? I felt like a side chick, Mizuki!"

"You're not," he said seriously.

"I am! I feel like you just want my body! Now that you already had it, are you satisfied now?"

He gritted his teeth and his eyes became sharp. He let out a stressful sigh before he spoke.

"You're not my side chick, Daichi. You will never be," he repeated. I rolled my eyes on him and smirked sarcastically.

"You fuck me while someone loves you. What will you call it, huh?" I laughed sarcastically before I crossed my arms on my chest. "Oh! Am I your fuck buddy? After we fucked each other, what will you expect? That we will be together again? Dream on!" I shouted at him.

Umigting ang panga nya at hinawakan ako sa siko. Kitang kita sa mga mata nya ang inis ngunit malambot at may pag iingat ang paraan ng pagkakahawak nya sakin. Nilabanan ko ang galit nyang tingin at pinagtaasan siya ng kilay.

"Fuck buddy? Side chick? What the actual fuck, Daichi?! I love you so damn much and you'll think I can do that to you? Fuck it! Kailan kailan, hindi ko kayang gawin 'yan sayo dahil kahit mahal kita kung ayaw mo sakin, palalayain naman kita! I won't make you my fuck buddy or even my side chick! Who said that to you? Tell me!" He asked angrily.

"Don't fucking shout at me, Mizuki! You have no right!"

Inalis ko ang pagkakahawak nya sa siko ko at tinulak siya sa kanyang dibdib bago tumayo. Suminghap ako at huminga ng malalim. Para akong nauubusan ng oxygen sa katawan dahil sa tindi ng nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero para bang hindi ko pa siya kayang makita. Naaalala ko lang ang lahat ng nangyari at ang mga katangahan ko.

Napatungo siya at marahas na huminga ng malalim. Sa galit nya ngayon, baka kung anong magawa nya.

But yet I still trust him that he will never hurt me physically even if he's mad or disappointed. He will never hurt me.

But yet he did.

Frustrated akong huminga nang isip ko na mismo ang sumagot sa sarili ko. Yes, he may have hurt me but not physically.

Nang mag angat siya ng tingin sakin, kalmado na siya. Tumayo siya at sinubukan niya akong lapitan nang humakbang ako paatras. Natigilan siya at hindi nakaligtas sa mga mata ko ang dumaang sakit sa mga mata nya.

"Don't come near me, Mizuki. I don't want you near me," I said while looking straight in his eyes.

Mas dumoble ang sakit sa mga mata nya nang marinig nya ang sinabi ko. Nakaramdam ako ng suntok sa dibdib ko, pero hindi ko na babawiin pa ang sinabi ko.

My decision was final.

"H-Hindi mo na ba talaga ako mahal?" Nasasaktang tanong nya. Napalunok ako at tinatagan lalo ang sarili ko.

"How can I love someone who broke me before?" I gulped after I said that. His tears formed up in his eyes. I never saw him cry. He always showed us that he is strong and very independent. But now seeing him cry made my knees weak.

"I... I'm sorry, Daichi. I'm really really sorry for what I've done. It's all my fault. I'm sorry for not seeing you and not appreciating you before because of my immaturity," his voice broke. He gulped and gave me a small smile before he continued. "You really deserve to be happy. You don't deserve someone who will not see your worth. You don't deserve someone who's a jerk like me."