Heart wants what it wants [Completed ✅] [ JJK × Reader ]

His punishment

Flashbacks
Jungkook:"The decision is yours. Everything is ready. Church and priest for our wedding. In case you decline, Jiah is one call away."
You stiffened and looked down. Your life suddenly took a 360 turn and you weren't able to grasp it. This was so difficult, you mind was a mess. You had no idea what to do ahead.
You looked at Jungkook and he was breathing a little heavily as if he found it difficult to breath, his jaw was clenched. He looked in pain. He was in pain because he was hurting you.
Yn:"You're hurting me."
Your words were like arrow dipped in venom that pierced his skin and dig in his heart, tearing his heart and soul apart.
Jungkook:"Do you think I want to hurt you ? You've left no other way."
You looked down and closed your eyes, a few tears travelled down your cheeks.
"I'm sorry my precious love. I'll do everything for you but I can not let you go away from me. I just can not. I'm helpless in this. I really can not."
He thought while brushing his hand through his neatly set hair.
You kept looking down and sobbed silently. He wasn't able to see you like this.......he was hurting you right....then how could he not be hurt ?......he should be pun!shed.....yes he should be....he must be.....his mind was flooding with many thoughts.....and he did what came in his mind at that moment.....his slightly shaky hands immediately fished out his phone and he opened an online website.....ordering a le@ther wh!p before putting his phone back in his pocket.
..................

(It was the day he married you)
Yn:"You've turned me against my sister. My family won't be pleased. You've put me in dilemma I never thought I could get into, neither did I want to. How will they react after finding out I got married without my family and kept it secret ? How shall I even disclose this marriage to my parents ?"
He listened to you with stopped breaths and racing heart. Your every word was a pang on his heart. He gulped the painful lump down his dry throat. You were hurting and he was too.
Yn:"I didn't want to marry you."
Ouch. A stagger was dug in his heart. But he kept quiet and licked his lips, trying his very best to not show his hurt.
Jungkook:"I love you."
You breathed out shakily and your looked up to stop tears from escaping your eyes.
He made a fist of his hand that shaking terribly from pain he was feeling within his veins.
He cleared his throat and rubbed his face in an attempt to wipe his blurry vision.
Yn:"I am going to sleep."
You said, and were going to disconnect the call but he stopped you.
Jungkook:"Don't. Don't disconnect."
You frowned.
Yn:"huh ? I want to sleep."
He smiled and his gaze lingered on you with absolute affection.
Jungkook:"Sleep. But don't disconnect the call."
Yn:"But-"
Jungkook:"please."
You stopped and looked at his pleading face before sighing. He was one impossible man.
Gulping, you put the phone on side of pillow, such that it showed ceiling. He chuckled at the way you didn't want to be seen while sleeping.
Jungkook:"It's more than okay."
He said and you heard it clearly. Setting the temperature on air conditioner you got under blankets and heard him.
Jungkook:"Good night, Mrs Jeon."
You clutched on the covers lightly after what he called you.
Yn:"G-good night."
You closed eyes and drifted into slumber almost immediately, because your mind was already so tired from all the drama that happened today.
He smiled listening attentively to your heavy breaths.
"Your every breath enlightens my soul."
He mumbled and kept listening to your every breath that gave him a sensation of fuzziness and calmness each passing second.
His eyes adorned his wedding ring with mirthful gaze.
He stayed like that for a few more minutes before getting up. Placing his phone on the table he quietly walked out of the library to his bedroom.
......
As soon as he entered in the bedroom his eyes fell on the package that was placed on the bed. Yes, this was what he came here for. His jaw clenched. With his expressionless eyes he made his way towards bed and opened it, taking the wh!p out of its covers. His veiny hand tightly grabbed it and he got rid of his shirt before going to stand in front of the huge mirror. His mind reminded him of the precious tears that escaped your  eyes.
Jungkook:"I will be punished for every tear you shed, love."
His deep whisper resonated in the silence.
His dark orbs stared at his own reflection.
The next moment he raised his hand and h!t himself with the le@ther wh!p, with his full strength. It left an angry red m@rk on his muscular back. His eyes squeezed shut at the pain nevertheless this physical pain was nothing for him as compared to the pain his heart endured after hurting you. And he kept hurting himself till he was exhausted to even move.
Jungkook:"I will shed drops of bl00d as price of your dropped tears, Jeon yn."
His heavy voice rang in the room and he gave himself a last fierce wh!p.
After that, he placed that wh!p in his drawer and wore his shirt back before dragging himself to the library.
Releasing a sigh he plopped on the couch and picked up his phone...your call was still going on and just when your calm breaths penetrated his senses he felt all his pa!n disappearing.....a deep exhale left his mouth and he slumped back on the couch.
Jungkook :"My precious love. I am sorry."
His lips uttered delicately. Keeping the phone near to himself he closed his eyes, and smiled heartily when your face appeared Infront of his eyes.
..................

(It was the night when he brought you home from the new year party after revelation of your marriage)
Yn:"I.........don't have my clothes here."
Jungkook:"You can wear mine."
Your eyes slightly widened.
Yn:"huh ?"
Jungkook (realizing):"I- I mean you can take my clothes from wardrobe. I'll order dresses for you tomorrow ?"
He explained, to not make you feel uncomfortable.
You nodded and looked down.
Jungkook:"I'm coming in a bit. Freshen up."
He said, and leaned towards you, placing his lips on your forehead for a few seconds before moving away and going out of room...but not before taking his night dress along with that wh!p to the guestroom. He made you cry again, how could he not pun!sh himself ? He had to.
.................

He wasn't a violent man. He never liked v!olence. He was the one to appreciate peace. He never took part in v!olence and f!ghts, neither did he ever need to. He was heir of Jeon's Empire. No one ever had the audacity to start a clash against him or to initiate a fight with him. They knew he had the authority, his single order could bring them unrepairable d€struction and he wouldn't even have to dirty his hands with someone's m!sery. He could just order and it'd be done.

Hence, he had never done v!olence in his life neither did he ever imagine that one day he'd have to do something like that. But who knew one day he'd @buse......and he'd @buse himself. But again he also never thought that one day he'd have to hurt his one and only love, force his own love into marriage.
But he did. He forced you for marriage and did hurt you. Even though he was planning to make everything alright with the passage of time and was deciding to reunite you with your father but he knew that he had hurt you and he had to be@r the consequences of hurting you. His mind couldn't think of anything else at the moment and he just ended up punishing himself in that way.
Since then every night he pun!shed himself but noone ever found out about that...he didn't let it happen. He never let painful expressions appear on his face. He pun!shed himself every night, but didn't even hiss at that pa!n because he knew he had no right to, he had to bear that torment for letting the tears escape your eyes. He never treated the w0unds he gave to himself even if they bl€d, he wouldn't treat them.

No matter how bad those inju√!es would hurt him, he wouldn't sleep a single night without tormenting himself. Even the night of your wedding reception wasn't an exception, he had entered in your room after giving himself his daily dose of t0√ture in the guestroom.
He could be called psych0, an obsessed f√e@k, an insane man, crazy, selfish or whatever, but he didn't care about that. He never did. The only thing he knew was he was hurting you and he had to pun!sh himself for it. And he decided that he would continue to t0r√ture himself till he makes everything alright and take you out of that pain. He decided that he'd stop punish!ng himself when you'll be no more hurt. However, the night when he got nightmare of you leaving him was the last time he had wh!pped himself.