Southpark (But mostly Tweek and Craig)

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Butters: Maw, paw, I done swallowed a LEGO feller' and I ain't feelin' too swell...

Stan: hey Kyle, I heard some folks are shipping you with Cartman.
Kyle: In seperate boats, I hope.

Asian girls: autistic boys are the sweetest!
Craig: not me, I'm an asshole.

Stan: hey, you ever get pre-annoyed? Like, someone enters the room and you immediately know that you're in for a ride?
Kyle: no, not really-
*Cartman enters.*
Kyle: *JAW CLENCHES*

Craig: hey Tweek.
Tweek: NORTH KOREA IS GOING TO BOMB US!
Craig: type shit.

Tweek: what're you guys getting Craig for his birthday?
Tolkein: I got him a Guinea pig.
Stan: oh, really? Same.
Clyde: I also got him a Guinea pig.
Tweek: *pulling at his hair* oh god... Kenny, please tell me you didn't get him a Guinea pig too??
Kenny: ... *awkwardly holds up Guinea pig.*
*Later*
Craig, watching Stripe play with his new friends: THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!

Stan: CRAIG, WHY DID YOU GIVE TWEEK A KNIFE??
Craig: He said he felt unsafe.
Stan: NOW I FEEL UNSAFE.
Craig: Would you like a knife?

Cupid Cartman: I had a dream about you, teehee
Cartman: oh fuck, was my fit fire, Cupid Me?
Cupid Cartman: teeheehee, you weren't wearing no fit-

Wendy: Hey Tweek, the asian girls are shipping you and Craig
Tweek: WH- WHAT? TO WHERE?!

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 05 ⏰

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