Rosie: Eat whatever you want, and if someone judges you for it, eat them too.
Cherri: aw you need ChatGPT to do your homework aw your school blocked chatGPT aw you need ChatGPT to fuck your girl too?
Niffty: Everyone needs a creative outlet to stick their creative fork into.
Mimzy, after reuniting with Alastor in hell: How the fuck did you go from hot creole daddy to a fucking used tampon?
Alastor: I would kill you with kindness, but all I have is this axe.
Cherri Bomb: *Has just arrived in hell and smashed through the ceiling of Angel's room.* ...
Angel Dust: ...
Cherri Bomb: ...
Angel Dust: Ok, this one's mine.
Lucifer, attempting to make conversation: Do you ever wonder how many times you've passed a house with someone trapped in it's basement?
Lilith:
Lilith: Well now I do??????
Niffty: First day going to the gym. I saw some guys bring drinks so I'm bringing my strawberry milk.
Mimzy: HUSK!
Husk: what?
Mimzy: Vag said she was gonna toss me to the ground from the eleventh floor!
Husk: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Mimzy: Yeah and-
Husk: She meant the twelfth.
Lucifer: life was different back in my day, I had to walk three miles, uphill both ways, in the snow just to fuck your wife.
Valentino: Voxxy, come to bed~
Vox, furiously typing: I can't, someone on the internet is wrong.
Charlie: Uh, what's wrong with Alastor?
Husk: Angel keeps singing show tunes then stopping one line short.
Angel Dust, across the room: POP, SIX, SQUISH, UH-UH, CICERO *Complete silence as he casually starts going through his phone.*
Alastor: *Increasingly discordant static.*
Adam: *gestures wildly towards Lucifer fighting off exorsists.* HOW IS HE BEATING ALL OF YOU?
Charlie: Every time I sing off key people are always like 'oh, I know you can sing properly.'
Charlie: I KNOW TOO, BITCH.
Charlie: I AM TRYING TO FUCKING AMUSE YOU.
Velvette: I'm trying not to be the angry man hating feminist stereotype, but god damn is it difficult.
Back when Alastor used to vibe with The Vees
Vox: We have to defuse the bomb!
Valentino: Great, good luck.
Vox: wait, why do I have to do it?
Alastor: Aren't you the tech-guy?
Vox: Who said I was the tech-guy? Velvette's the one with eight phones!
Valentino: Maybe it has an off switch?
Velvette: I don't think bombs have off switches.
Alastor: That is so unsafe.
Charlie: *Grasps Vaggie's shoulders.* I will defy biology and get you pregnant.
Niffty: *Walking on her hands through the snow.* This'll confuse some bitches.
Alastor: Angel Dust, you're a cat person because you're in love with Husker, whereas I am a cat person because I was attacked by and eaten by dogs whilst half alive, we are not the same.
Alastor's inner monologue in the middle of Respectless: Wow, I should attend more meetings.
Niffty: *Absentmindedly whistling through a pen cap.*
Angel Dust: I am about to throw you out the window in seven different languages.
Angel Dust: What's the minimum amount of money you'd need to be paid to sleep with Alastor?
Alastor: WHA-
Cherri Bomb: Shit, like twenty bucks maybe?
Alastor: WHY IS THIS-
Niffty: I'd say five.
Alastor: NIFFTY???
Husk: hundred bucks and I'd eat that ass like a salad.
Alastor: YOU WOULD WHAT MY WHAT LIKE A WHAT??
Charlie: Let's play twenty questions! Husk, you go first.
Husk: Shit, uh... Angel, what's your favourite colour?
Angel Dust: hexagon, do you like men?
Charlie: God I miss when people were nice.
Back when Alastor would still vibe with the Vees
Velvette: *Sitting on a stool braiding Alastor's hair* -So then he started going off about how I was 'ruining lives' and 'causing innocent people to kill themselves'!
Alastor: *Sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor as he gets his hair braided.* Well god forbid a woman have a hobby!
Lucifer, to Vaggie: OH-HO MY GOLLY, Y- YOU'RE A FALLEN ANGEL?? WELL- WELL, SO AM I! WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!
Rosie: Oh no, I seem to have taken Susan and dropped her in the deep fryer!
Lucifer: Adam, you gotta be more respectful to women.
Adam: If she breathes, she's a thot.
Emily: *Gets a paper cut* damn it...
Sera: *GASP*
Lilith: OH DEAR LORD, THE POLICE HELICOPTERS ARE APPROACHING!
St. Peter: THE FBI IS BREAKING THE DOOR DOWN!
Abel: GAVIN IS SCREAMING!
Lute: Who's Gavin?
Molly: I don't know, but he seems pretty darn upset.
Velvette: *Holds up her Pokemon gym badges with a completely deadpan expression.* when he asks if you go to the gym.
Angel Dust: Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just wanna go apeshit?
Charlie: Aren't you tired of going apeshit? Don't you just wanna be nice?
Lute: Sir, I've been shot.
Adam: Uh-huh.
Lute: In the arm.
Adam: Uh-huh.
Lute: The bullet is still there.
Adam: Uh-huh.
Lute: I need urgent medical attention.
Adam: Are you on birth control?
Alastor: hey Vox, do you have a partner?
Vox: uh, yeah?
Alastor: hope they die!
Rosie: Alastor, don't you think it's time for you to face your greatest fear?
Alastor: Emotion?
Rosie: No.
Alastor: DOGS?
Rosie: NO.
Alastor: Emotional dogs?
Rosie: NO. *Inhales and exhales.* Your greatest fear is allowing others to see your pain.
Alastor: ...
Alastor: No, now it's emotional dogs because of you.
Angel Dust: *Gestures frantically to his chest floof.* You feeling alright man? You wanna touch fluff?
Niffty: *Getting chased by a serial killer.*
Serial killer: *Drags their knife against the wall for the spooky spooks.*
Niffty: *Gasps and stops* My new wallpaper!
Serial killer: *Getting chased by a Niffty.*
Alastor: A good marriage is all about open communication and committing unspeakable acts of violence when someone disrespects your spouse.
Vaggie: If the way a female video game character's boobs look bothers you, here are some things you can do;
Vaggie: One, die
Velvette: how many more times do I need to say it before pulling the trigger?
Alastor: Stop excusing my crimes, I worked hard on those.
Some dude: Ew, a spider.
Angel Dust hanging from the ceiling: Ew, an ugly, badly dressed bitch.
Husk: Top.
Angel Dust: Bottom.
Vaggie: Switch.
Alastor: Russian roulette on speed dial.
Angel Dust: ...And then the song bird tilted its head forward, dropping the millstone onto the mother's neck, killing her instantly. And that's why if your think someone's prettier than you, you let it go.
Molly: Good night, Anthony.
Angel Dust: G'night Molls
What happened to Adam after the extermination
Charlie: wow Alastor, this jambalaya's great!
Alastor: Thank you, my dear.
Angel Dust, entering: any of you fuckers seen Adam's body? Val wanted it.
Alastor: *Starts eating his jambalaya slightly faster.*
Angel Dust: *Trying to get his motorbike to start.* Cherr, can you help me out with this?
Cherri Bomb: Do I look like a mechanic?
Angel Dust: ...Cherri, you have a degree in engineering mechanics.
Cherri Bomb: FLIRT BACK, DAMMIT
Pentious: HOW??
Velvette: damn, you're hot~
Angel Dust: I'm gay.
Velvette: I am so sorry, I thought you were a girl.
