Mabel: Boys are hot.
Dipper: Girls are hot.
Wendy: Everyone is hot!
Ford: what.
Bill: I'm literally neurodivergent and minor, you're literally bullying someone who's neurodivergent and a minor.
Ford: you're literally twelve trillion years old.
Bill: you're literally bullying a twelve trillion year old minor.
Soos: *Lifting weights*
Soos: I'm gonna be so good at hugging.
*Two actual tweets by Alex Hirsch.*
Stan in October: It's that time of year again! Slap a pumpkin! Lick an elf! Kick a skeleton in the head! Fill your pants with bats and cartwheel into a ditch! Scream 'SPOOKY' at a baby! Eat a leaf! Pour a scalding hot pumpkin spice latte into your eyes and drive your car into the White House!
Stan in October: I JUST SENT A WORK EMAIL THAT WAS JUST EIGHT HUNDRED PUMPKIN EMOJIS!
*Another tweet by Alex Hirsch*
Fiddleford: Its steal a chicken saturday.
Stan: C'mon Ford, she's much too young for you, oh, I'm just kidding. I know you're an ace in the hole.
Ford: A what now?
Manotaur: how much can you lift?
Stan: I can lift a car.
Ford: he can't.
Stan: sure I can. I can lift a FORD FOCUS *picks up Ford, insanely proud of his joke.*
Wendy: far too many people are wanting big tiddy goth girlfriends when Summerween rolls around.
Wendy: please remember that they aren't toys, and require year round care and fortnightly trips to the cemetery.
Dipper: do I have a sister or a sibling today?
Mabel: considering that you ate the last pop tart, you have an enemy.
Bill: Hello Caine from The Amazing Digital Circus.
Caine: Hello Bill Cipher from Gravity Falls.
Fiddleford: why're you making chocolate pudding at two am?
Ford: *stirring his chocolate pudding on the stove (at two am.)* because I've lost all control over my life.
Fiddleford: GO FOR THE MEN FIRST. THE CHILDREN WE CAN SELL. AND THE WOMEN... OH, THE WOMEN...
Fiddleford: we will always treat with respect!
Bill: how many scorpions is too many to eat in one setting?
Ford: what-
Bill: *repeatedly punches himself in the stomach.* SETTLE DOWN IN THERE
Ford: I'm using a paper plate. I know they're bad for the environment, but I'd rather put a gun in my mouth than do another dish.
Stan: ford...
Ford: yes?
Stan: I'm going to ask you something...
Ford: alright
Stan: and you gotta tell the truth
Ford: ok
Stan: you REALLY have to tell the truth
Ford: just spit it out!
Stan: promise you'll tell the truth!
Ford: FINE.
Stan: did you fuck the triangle?
Fiddleford: Leather clothing is a marketing scheme made up by Big Baby Powder so that they can sell more baby powder.
Dipper, talking to Wendy: If you get scared, just jump into my arms. I won't be able to protect you in any way, but it'll look cool.
Ford: Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Bill: I am a menace.
Gideon: why don't people like me? I'm rich and I skateboarded once.
Wendy: Let's assert dominance against our beloved.
Dipper: Don't fill up on bread, that's how they get you!
Stan: *On his fourth basket of complimentary breadsticks.* That's how they get YOU, coward. I am going to bankrupt this fucking olive garden.
Mabel: I can't believe
Mabel: *Covers Waddles's ears.* Gideon
Mabel: *Uncovers Waddles's ears* FUCKING did that!
Stan: *Puts on sunglasses.* Hey Mabel
Ford: Why did you put on-
Mabel: Hi Grunkle Stan!
Ford: *Goes blind from looking directly at the sunshine and rainbow child.*
*In high school*
Mabel: *Holding her nose.* Oh my god, when's the last time you washed your binder?
Dipper: *Also holding his nose.* When's the last time you washed your bra?
*Online.*
Mabel: *Posts pic with bisexual flag.* Show me your flaaaaags
Soos: *Posts pic with Mexican flag.* I don't know what flag that is but I'm from Mexico
Stan: *Gestures to Dipper* "I want to be a science man" he cries "Make me a science man!"
Stan: *Gestures to Ford.* But the science master does not listen. He just keeps science-ing.
Soos: No offense, but the american government is kinda messed up.
Abuelita: I have shat on every acre of American soil.
Mabel when Dipper came out to her: 🎶 I ALWAYS WANTED A BRO-THER I ALWAYS WANTED A BRO-THER 🎶
Ford: I was told by my niece that some of you are 'thirsting' over me. I too have a thirst. A thirst for knowledge.
Mabel: Do you have any crushes?
Ford: *Sips his coffee* I have never had a single crush in my entire life and I'm glad.
Mabel: Huh.
Mabel: You aromantic?
Ford: ...
Ford: THERE'S A WORD FOR IT-?
Dipper: *Gestures towards a TV playing Spider Man Into The Spider Verse.* I like when their eyes do the squints.
Mabel: I made you a rainbow grilled cheese!!!!!!!!!!
Ford: *Spends the rest of the afternoon studying the rainbow grilled cheese and hypothesizing on what mystical event caused the cheese to change colour. It was food dye.*
Soos, commenting on someone's post: Queen/ king
Soos, commenting on someone's post: wait, you might be non binary. Queen/ king/ monarch.
Stan: Don't be TRASH.
Stan: Transphobic
Stan: Racist
Stan: Ableist
Stan: Sexist
Stan: Homophobic.
Fiddleford, doing a crossword: I need a four letter word for failure.
Ford: Bill.
Bill: Hey-
Fiddleford: *Gasp* It fits!
Mabel: Nah fam, this Gacha hated child story got me crying during Weirdmagedon.
Wendy: Why does batman keep the bottom half of his face uncovered?
Soos: So police know he's white.
Wendy: *Spits out drink.*
Mabel: You want some chai?
Stan: Sure, I'll go for some chai tea.
Mabel:
Mabel: CHAI TEA?
Mabel: CHAI MEANS TEA. YOU ARE SAYING TEA TEA.
Mabel: DO YOU ASK FOR COFFEE COFFEE WITH A SPLASH OF CREAM CREAM?
Stan: *Slams fist down on the McDonalds counter.* SHE ASKED FOR NO PICKLES AND TWO TOYS.
Mabel: No thoughts, just 2007 My Little Pony kids makeup from Claires.
Robie: Stop calling me pookie, I'm gangsta.
*Online*
Mabel: asbd9swydwsadfeswsodububstvwsd
Soos, commenting: So true
Wendy, commenting: spitting facts
Stan, commenting: they read my mind.
Wendy: Born to live in a secluded cottage with a chicken coop, two cats and a pretty wife who bakes me homemade apple pies while I'm out chopping wood and whittling her wooden birds, forced to work.
Soos: when life gives you lemons, make more lemons. Life'll be like 'whaaaat'
Stan: 'tHiNk Of ThE cHiLdReN' I already did, and I don't care.
Dipper: *Strokes the border of his Chappell Roan poster.* Oh, Chappell Roan, we're really in for it now.
Mabel: Do you listen to Mother Mother?
Bill: I killed my mother mother.
Dipper: Since I don't know when the middle of my life is, I've decided to have an ongoing crisis.
Bill: If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee.
Ford: If you were my husband I'd drink it.
Stan: Alright, listen up Wendy, Dipper, Mabel, Soos and the dipshits.
Ford: I'm the only person here that you didn't mention...?
Stan: Good.
