Emily: It's too bad you're married because I'd use your thighs as fucking ear muffs.
Alex: Next time I converse with you, I'm bringing a gun.
Enola: you know you're passing well when someone praises a man who suggested an idea you said earlier! *Anguished smile.*
Enola: Oh no, we hit someone because we were drinking and driving!
Arackniss: I'll go check it out *Starts unbuckling his seatbelt.*
Roxy: Here, take this with you! *Punches him.*
Arackniss: The only person allowed to torture my brother is me. *releases the bees.*
Brooke: Hey Madds, are you my girlfriend?
Maddy: *Has been going out with her for over a year.* ...I sure thought I was.
Brooke: Kay good, because I like you and I want to tell people you're my girlfriend.
Maddy: ...You absolute angel, I love you so much.
Roxy: my-
Arackniss: I know you own me but I will punch in the head if you mention your fiancé again.
Enola: So, back before I got my dick chopped off-
Arackniss: *Spits out his drink.* you WhAt
'Are you a top or a bottom?'
Shoshana: Top.
Emily: Bottom.
Gina: Switch.
Arackniss: Russian roulette on speed dial.
Enola: Damn, you clearly don't own an air fryer.
Arackniss: *Tearing out his hair.* WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
Enola: Alastor, listen, you wanna make waves but you can't do it this way, what you gotta do is-
Arackniss: Nope, every time you do this I hear the electric guitar starting up! I'm not going to deal with it this time!
Enola: Fiiiiiine, whatever. But Alastor, listen to me, can you imagine the power that-
Arackniss: And there we go again with the guitar starting up! What, do you think I can't hear it?
*Meeting someone for the first time*
Enola: Hi, I'm Enola, its an emordnilap for the word alone. Stressed-desserts, stop-pots, reward-drawer, Enola-alone.
Arackniss: I hope they play Stuck In The Middle With You.
Roxy: Arackniss, this is an extermination.
Eric: Lesbian of the lake, what is your wisdom?
Gina floating in a lake: World cold and hard, titties warm and soft.
Brooke: hey, your hand is on my butt.
Maddy: oh, sorry, it was an accident.
Brooke:
Maddy:
Brooke: it's still on my butt.
Maddy: it's still an accident.
Enola:
Arackniss:
Enola: you wanna get hitched so people stop bothering us?
Arackniss Sure.
Enola: *Puts a cheese ring on his finger.* we're married now.
Arackniss: Nice.
Agatha: *Throws a book out a library window.* EVERYTHING THIS SAYS ABOUT WITCHES IS BULLSHIT!
The children there for story time: *Panicking.*
Agatha: Alone on a Friday night~
Agatha: Good for you, people suck.
*In Arackniss's mind scape.*
Roxy: Oh look, a jar full of all your repressed memories!
Arackniss: Don't touch that.
Roxy: *Picks it up*
Arackniss: Put it down.
Roxy: *Prepares to shatter it on the floor.*
Arackniss: ROXY-
Enola: Do you support queer people?
Eric: I don't care if someone's got a gay face or a straight face, I'm punching it either way.
Emily, narrating: *Gestures to Eric.* And with that, an entire fandom cried out in unison 'well at least he's not homophobic.'
Roxy: Pft, ok boomer.
Arackniss: you're like, five years older than me.
Agatha: Your magical ringing device is vibrating in your pocket. The static is quite annoying.
Enola: What?
Agatha: PICK UP YOUR PHONE.
Chilli: *Ends a chapter on a cliff hanger.*
Readers: *Screeching.*
Chilli: welp, I'm gonna go drink water! It's been a while since I last did that!
Chilli: *Having a mental breakdown* I'M A FREAK-
Emily: *Bites her lip.* I'm a freak~
Agatha: How does one learn to underthink?
Roxy: *Writing in her diary with a pink glitter pen, sighing happily and humming an old jazz song.*
What she's writing: It's been over fifty years and yet my rage still burns within me like a bonfire. Someday I will have my revenge, and he will see what happens when he thinks he can abandon me. He will watch everyone he loves slowly slip away before his very eyes, and as I sit atop a throne of corpses, him on my leash like the pathetic creature he is, I will at last feel peace.
Brooke, watching a cooking show: NO NO NO, IF YOU PUT THE FRENCH VANILLA ICE-CREAM ON THE APPLE TART NOW IT'LL MELT BEFORE YOU CAN ADD THE DARK CHOCOLATE SHELL AROUND IT, YOU DUMB WHORE!
Emily: *Drunk and screaming.* excUse you, I am a FUCKING DELIGHT.
Chilli: Were you a "Wonderful to have in class but has trouble working in groups" autistic or a "can be disruptive, often talking with friends during lessons" autistic?
Arackniss: *Breaks into a house.*
Arackniss: *Makes himself a cup of coffee.*
Arackniss: *Drinks it.*
Arackniss: *Puts the mug in the dishwasher.*
Arackniss: *Leaves.*
Enola: DID YOU KNOW, that some conservative fuckers wanted to make a documentary about how the big scary trans women were beating cis women in women's sports, so some men slapped on some wigs and tried to sign up for women's sports but they weren't allowed to join, so instead they made a fictional movie with the same premise thinking it would go well for them?
Emily: Hey-
Arackniss: Whore, don't even try.
Emily: Ok then.
Eric: Lesbian of the lake, what is you wisdom?
Gina floating in a lake: be gay do crime, die like bad bitches.
Agatha: But why do astronomers call them light YEARS if they measure distance not time??
Shoshana: Do men even open doors anymore?
Alex: *Confused* How do you think we enter and exit spaces?
Chilli: Apartment complex? I find it quite simple.
Chilli: *Maniacal laughter.*
Agatha: God, I hate men.
Pheonix: Good, more for me.
Enola: *Passed out on the ground.*
Roxy and Arackniss: *Arguing over who gets to carry her home.*
Agatha: Every time I feel bad about my looks I just remember that my dad's been straightening his hair every day for over ninety fucking years.
Arackniss: YOU dated an overlord?
Agatha: Why's that so hard to believe?
Enola: It's an overlord!
Roxy: It's you!
Enola: How did you not notice I cut my hair?
Arackniss: I thought my brother was a dame for two years, can you cut me some slack?
Agatha: Ok choir, we're singing Carol Of The Bells. Sopranos, you're going to blend your voices into a gorgeous harmony.
Some dude: what about the altos?
Agatha: *Smacks him with a bible.* you're going to make bell noises, you fucking dipshit.
Emily: Maybe I can help?
Eric and Gina: NO.
Emily: aw c'mon why not?
Gina: You fuck everyone you see.
Eric: It's fuck up.
Gina: That too.
Arackniss: there are about a billion words in the English language but not a single combination of any of them can properly illustrate how much I want to hit my brother with a chair.
