Mirrored Exile (HS)

sixty

chapter sixty - the reason

Harry Edwards
(Last night)

I felt so weak. The weakest I had felt. It was such a drag not being able to do something. However, waking up to her face being buried at the side of my arm was a new form of weak. It wasn't physically weak, that's one thing for sure. But more like emotionally weak. It also made me feel better, up until she had to get up.

I want to be simple with her. Live a simple life. Not do all this FBI shit. I just wanted to know she was safe whenever I was with her, but I can't guarantee that when I don't know what the future had. I actually wanted to change who I was so I wouldn't have to worry about her if she wasn't in the same room as me. Call me crazy and I'll let you, because a month ago, I would've thought it was too. But now I guess I don't.

There's an explainable reason for it, but I don't know it myself. We were just two people doing our jobs that got plucked into a judicious and callous business, which now involved us more than we knew.

When we returned to the hotel after the banquet, I felt like I had been crushed. My bones ached and my head felt heavy. The hot flushes were constant and my head throbbed with each wave. I had no choice but to collapse onto the bed and strip off my fitted blazer and fake button blouse. I ended up just in my boxers for a bit before Zayn threw an old Rolling Stones shirt at me which was extremely thin and practically see through.

"Do you reckon you could grab a washer and a glass of water?" Zayn asked Lucy and she left the room without any questions.

Her dress was still on her body, even though I wished it wasn't. I wanted- no- I needed to feel her skin brush against mine as we lay beside each other. In the bathroom, I could barely contain myself. Even with a barely conscious mind, I was still able to determine how I felt about her in particular.

It was just now that I had noticed Zayn looking at me with a serious face. I frowned and sat up. "What is it?"

"You're a lovesick fool, mate." He says the last thing I ever expected to come out of his mouth.

"What?" I tried to act surprised so he could explain but he just scoffed and laughed. A lovesick fool was a bit of a stretch.

"Your eyes basically attached themselves to her as she left the room. I can only imagine what your mind is like."

"I can't underst- I don't know what... you mean?" The words failed to form as they came out my mouth, it's like I was drained of my vocabulary and was learning how to speak English all over again.

"Like I've said before, be careful. I don't want to see you get all distracted and lovey-dovey, even if it's for a good reason."

I don't say anything after that. Because I couldn't be bothered but I also was unable to create a response in my head. I reigned my tongue in from spitting out more slurred words. We ended up sitting in silence for another moment before Lucy returned with the drenched washer and glass water.

She comes up to me and hands me the cold washer. A relief floods through me as I feel the cold on my sweaty skin. I place it across my forehead and lay back down on the pillow. She sets down the glass of water next to me before sitting down just next to my leg.

"We'll have to get tests run at the hospital tomorrow to find out what's in your system."

"I'm actually going to punch Folan in the face." Lucy's words catch me off guard.