The Enki

Chapter 58

Christophe paced up and down in front of me, but I could hardly raise my head to wonder why. I felt like I was in a bubble where my hearing was distorted. I no longer heard everything like I had when I was Enki. My father stood amongst the pacing and the raised voices.

"Absolutely not. Calista, you can not go back to him. How could you even see that as an option? After all he put you through?"

"He is our only choice. He is the oldest Enki I know. If anyone will know what that... thing... was it will he him."

"Or maybe he won't, and we have willingly put ourselves back in his control and in danger."

"Not we, myself and Christophe."

There was silence. I decided to look up as not even I could stand the tension anymore.

My father looked livid. He was staring at my mother intensely, but she refused to back down. She was, after all, a predator and outlived him by thousands of years.

"You can not be serious, Calista. I am coming with you."

"Given a second chance, Tharn will destroy you. I can not risk it."

"Surely I have a say in that?"

"Of course you do, my love. You can follow me to the ends of Earth until you breathe your last breath. But I will not allow you to foolishly hand yourself over to a man that holds you part responsible for hiding his child from him."

After a while, he shrugged his shoulders and sat down.

"So I'll stay here with Rose."

Christophe finally stopped pacing.

"No, she has to come with us. She is more at risk alone with a human."

"With another human, you mean"

I spoke with little effort. I hadn't come to terms with losing my powers, amongst other things.

Christophe glanced at Calista, and he hesitated, moving closer to me.

"That is not what I meant, Rose. If that man comes back and hurts you, I'll never forgive myself."

I felt a knot in my stomach as my memory flashed back to the dagger pushing through Magnus's heart. Maybe if I had just kept clear boundaries between both of them, he would be alive. He wasn't perfect, but he did love me. To death. Like Christophe, I didn't know if I could forgive myself.

Noticing that I wasn't planning on fighting him back, he took it as an agreement and started to plan with my mother how they were going to approach Tharn.

"Believe me, Christophe, the last thing in the world I would want to do is go anywhere near him, but I think, when shown the evidence, he will help us. If anything, Tharn has always wanted to protect Enki. Any threat to that he will be interested in stamping it out."

"It just doesn't seem likely that we will all play happy families. He will want something in return for his help."

"Of course he will. He is still my husband. I have been married to him for thousands of years. He will want me and Tapeqh. As much as he has hurt us, deep down, he dreams of us all being a family."

Christophe scoffs. I agreed. It was hard to believe that after all he had done to my mother and I that he would want us to be a family again.

I stood up and grabbed the keys to the Jeep and started to walk outside. Christophe and Calista were shocked into silence. Eventually, Christophe caught up with me. Careful not to touch me.

"Rose, what are you doing?"

"If we are to return to my father, then let's do it."

"You aren't thinking right. Slow down so we can talk about it."

I turned back so I was facing him.

"I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want life to happen to me whilst I'm busy trying to be happy. Life isn't happy. I should have known better than to believe I would have a happily ever after."

Christophe opened his mouth to say something but hesitated. I waited. I didn't need to be Enki to know he was holding back something.

"Rose, I understand that you are hurting. I wish you weren't. Only the Mother knows why you feel this way about Magnus..."

I feel anger rise in me, but he puts his hand up.

"Let me get this out, Rose, or I'll never say it. I don't understand your feelings. It hurts me to know that perhaps you loved Magnus more than you knew you did. I thought that it was you and I. Only we shared a sacred bond. Every time he hurt you, I was enraged. I wished him dead. But I also felt relieved that you would finally see him for what he was, and despite the sealing, you would be able to withstand any feelings that you had for him. I believed all this time that the only thing that held you together was that bond, and if I could ever break it, we would be free. After he died, I realised that you love him. You love him despite the sealing, and it pains me. It pains me to share your love with him. It hurts me to know you are in pain. It hurts me that I can't feel you anymore. I have had these overwhelming feelings for you since I met you even before you transitioned. I always held a fear that you only ever had feelings for me because of the Enki bond. Now that your powers are gone, you barely look at me. You won't let me touch you. Then I realised why, it was because you do not love me. You loved me because of the Enki bond, not because you truly, deeply, love me. The pain is worse than anything I can bear. I have lived for hundreds of years and never have I felt so vulnerable and human."

I am stunned into silence. The anger that was in me disapates. I look at Christophe, really look at him. I think of all the moments we had shared. Our first meeting, his lazy smile, how he held me during the transition. How he had protected me from Magnus before and after I was Enki. How he was the only one that could control me when the mother had taken control. I looked at him now with very real human tears in his eyes and I reached out to touch him. My hand landed on his chest where his heart was. I looked into his eyes searching, hoping.

He pulled my hand towards me and wrapped me in his arms. Then I felt it. Then it all came rushing back to me. The feeling that I had when we first met. That this man was here to protect me, he was safe. My whole body loosened in his arms and I sobbed. He never said anything but just held me as I broke down. Letting out all the grief.

"Of course I love you Christophe."