𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐒𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬 鬼滅の刃

𝒀𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝑶𝒌𝒂𝒚 ❁sᴀɴᴇᴍɪ❁

ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛs ᴛᴏ: issasama

“I’m fine im fine im fine” you kept reassuring yourself out loud as you were pacing back and forth the halls in the Butterfly mansion. Everyone had fallen asleep and was staying there for a couple of days for training and health checks by Shinobu and Aoi. It was late so you were in pajamas and put on some socks since the floor despite being wooden was a bit cold. You were a Hashira, you had no time for little things like intrusive thoughts and anxiety to bug you now. It was improper and unprofessional. This thought process is what led you to pacing around the halls.. but then you stopped. You caught a glimpse of the sky and it was covered in stars, you felt bad pacing around feeling as if someone could hear you, so you sat on the roof instead. Knees to your chest and head resting in your lap. You just let your thoughts continue to spiral and spiral, they were endless, they were tiring, and you couldn’t keep fighting yourself. You were never going to win a battle against yourself and you, as a Hashira, knew that.

You began biting your lip in anger because it felt like you had no control of your thoughts and could feel tears beginning to form from the frustration.

“And why the hell are you awake?” Sanemi’s voice seemed groggy as he stepped closer to you. You were so lost in your thoughts you didn’t even hear him coming closer and now you wonder what would have happened if it wasn’t Sanemi and if it was a demon what would you- “Hey, I asked you a question.” Sanemi’s voice snapping you out of reality, you turned your head to look up at him and his eyes widened a little.. your eyes were glossy and your bottom lip a bit swollen. He could tell something was wrong, I mean anyone could, but he knew something was wrong because you’re never like this.

“Im sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.” You apologized and looked down at your feet, you realized your socks are probably now a bit dirty from walking around. “Bold of you to assume you woke me up.” He ruffled the back of his hair a bit before sitting next to you. “Mitsuri talks in her sleep, creepy if you ask me” he says before taking a glance at the sky as well to be met with stars all over. A small smile formed at your face knowing the Love Hashira is well known for talking in her sleep. “So you gonna talk or keep being weird and quiet?” despite how harsh the question seemed you could tell he was just concerned.. maybe a little worried. Your smile faded into a little frown and your eyes still glossy. “I just can’t do it anymore, I’m so tired of fighting myself and all these thoughts and just-“ you paused for a minute because you said so much your emotions began overflowing.. small tears falling down your cheeks before you sniffled hoping to prevent more from falling. “I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. I hate it.” You put your head back down, knees still to your chest and you looked away from Sanemi. There was a moment of silence until.. “Then fix it.” Sanemi huffed, the slight attitude in his voice. You picked your head up and looked at him confused. “What?” You mumbled and before you could say anything else.. “You’re always going around telling people they can change. They can start over as many times as they need to. They can feel okay again. All this advice and yet you don’t take it seriously for yourself.” Sanemi now sounded a bit upset.

“That makes you a hypocrite.” and when the words left his mouth you felt a hole form in your heart, a hypocrite? No, you were just… possibly… a hypocrite?? You didn’t mean to be that way or come off that way. It just didn’t feel the same, taking your own advice. It felt like it never worked. “It doesn’t work that way San-“ “Then make it work.” Man was he ‘great’ at giving advice. You rolled your eyes seeing as he was being as tough as nails. Per usual. “You don’t just stop because it’s not working. You keep finding a way. A new way. A better way. A stronger way. Until it sticks.” Sanemi was pretty good with his words when he needed to be, you had only heard him talking to Obanai and some others but never to you like this. It was new.. “Yeah and when that doesn’t work then what?” You ask with a little attitude behind your words. “Then you keep trying and you keep finding another way. Things don’t end just because you lost one way. It means it’s just started and it’s waiting for you to find another. Learn to get back up on your feet and keep starting again. It means you’re alive. It means you have the ability to grow.” and your eyes widened at the realization that he was right. Not that he usually isn’t but that his words are genuine advice. It’s true, you had, and for so long, kept fighting yourself because you felt stuck and it’s because you kept doing the same old things rather than allowing yourself to do something new, to start over, to accept, and to forgive yourself. You were always so hard on yourself and for what? You’re a Hashira yes but you’re still human. You seemed to have forgotten that but Sanemi reminded you and it was more than a reminder, it was a wake up call. A wake up call that if you keep heading towards battles like this, especially ones with yourself, you will never win.

You teared up a bit, now knowing something more about yourself. That you’re fully capable and the only thing ever stopping you is you.

“You’re okay, y/n.” His voice seemed more gentle now, probably because you were crying..or because-

“I promise you’re okay. You’re only human. There’s only so much you can do and winning a fight against yourself is not one of them. Learn yourself first, understand who you are, and I promise things will align after that.” He gently placed his hand on your shoulder, his touch was so soft compared to how he usually is. He figured you needed space so he got up ready to walk away until he felt you behind him. Your chest pressed against his back and arms around his abdomen. Tear stains on his pajamas but he didn’t mind.

“Thank you..” you mumbled into his shirt as your face was buried in his back.

You couldn’t see it but he had a small smile and he looked up a bit seeing the stars again..

“Just trust you’ll be okay again. You’re y/n, you can do anything, I’ve seen you do it. Trust yourself.”

What was Sanemi gonna do with you..? It was getting harder to fight these feelings, especially when you hug him like that and he hears your cries, all he wants to do is hug you back and give you more than just words of affirmation and reassurance.. but for now, he’s okay with this.

As long as you’re okay.