Our Forever (BILLIE EILISH)

- T h i r t y s e v e n -

December 21st

Billie's POV:

Maddie's downstairs reading the letters that I wrote her. I didn't think that I would ever give them to her. I wrote them to keep myself sane during everything. Once I sealed the letters, I didn't think about them and I'm not even sure what I wrote about. I'm kind of worried about what I wrote about.

I haven't felt nervous since they decided whether or not my album was finished, which is just another thing I have to deal with. Even though this whole situation was the biggest waste of time, I'm glad that my album is mine and I can pitch it to whoever I want. I didn't love this album to be honest. So now I can tweak it and really make it my own.

I was pacing and I didn't stop until Maddie was standing at the top of the stairs.

I let her speak first because I didn't know what to say.

Maddie: "I love you."

I looked at her.

Maddie: "A lot."

Billie: "Really?"

Maddie: "Duh." She walked towards me, wrapped her arms around me and I immediately hugged her back.

Billie: "I love you a lot shorty."

Maddie: "I'm so sorry this happened. I'm sorry for being so hard on you. And being mean, and telling you I hate you. I could never hate you, I'm so sorry."

Billie: "I deserved all of it, from your perspective I'm terrible."

She held me tighter.

Billie: "So what's the move from here?"

Maddie: "Do you wanna marry me?"

Billie: "My proposal was so much better." We laughed, "But yes, I would love to."

For the rest of the night, we talked about the things that we never got to talk about, where we wanted to get married. Who we want in the wedding, what kind of flowers, what kind of food, color schemes. If it has something to do with the wedding, we talked about it.

I never wanted to talk about the wedding because the album was killing me of course, I care about Maddie and of course, I want to marry her. After working 12-hour days, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about flowers. She didn't deserve that, and she was so patient and so optimistic about us, all while I was stubborn and ruining everything.

Maddie: "This is all I've ever wanted."

I smiled at her.

Billie: "There's no rush on anything anymore."

Maddie: "I know your label was terrible, but honestly, this needed to happen so we could finally be on the same page."

I nodded.

Maddie: "I have a question."

Billie: "And that is?"

Maddie: "The night I came here to tell you I knew everything, you said you had feelings for Jesse too, was that true?"

Billie: "Not at all. I was trying to make you believe me."

Maddie: "You were really dedicated."

I was.

Maddie: "I missed you so much."

I pulled her closer to me.

Billie: "Tell me about it, you have no idea."

She kissed my cheek.

Billie: "I have this house for 6 months for no reason now."

Maddie: "You're moving back in?" She perked up.

Billie: "Are you kidding? I hate this house, it's so boring and dull. Your house is so fun and colorful."

Maddie: "You haven't given this house a chance."

Billie: "So you don't want me to move back in?"

Maddie: "Okay let's not get ahead of ourselves now." She smiled.

Billie: "Are you sure you want me to move back in?"

Maddie: "I've never been more sure."

Billie: "You must really miss me."

Maddie: "Duh, I hate sleeping alone."

Billie: "I missed you so much shorty. You have no idea."

Maddie: "I think I get the gist." She smiled.

Billie: "Do you really think that we can lock in and plan the wedding now? Like nothing is in our way now?"

Maddie: "Nothing is in our way anymore."

I can't help but feel so happy. 

... 

Maddie and I ended up back at her house, I brought back my everyday stuff: toothbrush, skincare, and all that. Maddie is bouncing off the walls excited that I listened to her and came back.

I'm hesitant though, Maddie keeps reassuring me that everything is fine and that she forgives me. If I were her, I'm not sure I would forgive me.

I've said this since before Maddie and I were even together, she is the most understanding person that I have ever met. Forever grateful for that and her in general. 

I was brushing my teeth and Maddie came up behind me and snaked her arms around my waist and she rested her head on my back.

Maddie: "I can't believe you're mine again."

Billie: "I should be saying that to you."

Maddie: "Eh, either way." She kissed my back.

I finished brushing my teeth and I turned around to face her.

The last few months of my life, everything about it had felt foreign to me. Even the music I was making, I'm proud of it at the end of the day, but that isn't what I wanted to do at all. Having my own place to stay was strange and everything about Jesse was weird too.

Maddie was the only sense of normality I felt.

She never cared who I was, or what I did. She always just wanted me for me. 

Maddie: "What are you thinking about?" She fiddled with the strings on my sweatpants.

Billie: "How you're the only sense of normality I've felt this year."

She looked at me.

Billie: "I mean think about it, we toured for half of the year and the second we get back I'm forced to make an album that I didn't want to make. My brother turned on me, I was forced to leave the only person that I cared about and I had to hurt you to do that. Shorty, writing those letters was the only thing getting me through every day. I never knew if I was ever going to give them to you, but I promise it kept my head on straight."

Maddie: "I felt lost without you too, I hated sleeping alone, I hated eating breakfast alone, I hated doing everything alone. I know Claudia's my best friend but she's your brother's girlfriend. Everything reminded me of you. My dogs are named after your song for crying out loud. I knew I had to get you back. There was nothing else that I wanted."

Billie: "I'm glad we're both equally as delusional about each other." I laughed and hugged her.

She hugged me tighter. 

---------------------------------

this is taking me forever to get through & i want it to end so bad 😭

thanks ily sm

words: 1129