Our Forever (BILLIE EILISH)

- N i n e t e e n -

October 14th:

Billie's POV:

I have never been more heartbroken in my life. I didn't want to tell Maddie the truth, I didn't want to be like 'Hey so I have to date Jesse because the record label hates me.' Maddie would sit here and try to make it work, and as much as I love that about her, it wouldn't work.

I feel really bad though, I feel bad about lying. I don't talk to Jesse and I never see him at the studio. I just needed something to make Maddie hate me so she would leave me alone. She doesn't deserve to sit here through this.

That was the first time I really spoke to Maddie since being in New York, I'd tell her goodnight every night. I was going to tell her the truth, but I felt like that wasn't the right thing to do. 

I just want her to hate me so I can do this without hurting anyone except myself.

If I do it this way, the label gets what they want. Finneas gets what he wants. My album gets done, and Maddie can focus on her career. I hate to think that she was right, getting married young wasn't my best idea. Not because we didn't want to marry each other, but because our lives are just too chaotic for that right now, and I didn't think that through.

I haven't spoken to Maddie since Wednesday, today is Friday and Maddie gets back tomorrow morning. I didn't realize how much shit I had in Maddie's house. I also didn't realize how hard it is to find a house on such short notice. Maddie looked for houses for months before settling on this one. 

I've been moving nonstop, I told the record label that I broke up with Maddie and they can do what they want with me at this point. I have nothing left to fight for.

I get up to the bedroom and start emptying my side of the closet. I get through everything and I find the first hoodie that I ever gave to Maddie. She's been looking for this for a while. I decided to leave it, it doesn't feel like mine anymore.

I left it on the bed. 

I take the remainder of the boxes to my house, that's a crazy ass sentence to say. I then went back to Maddie's to get the dogs, I left my key on the table by the door. I took the dogs to Claudia's and that was officially the end of it.

...

I literally have no furniture at all. I was sitting on an amp at my kitchen island, shopping for furniture and there was a knock on my door. I get up and open it, it's Finneas and Claudia.

Claudia: "We brought you some essentials. We have an air mattress, blankets, water, some snacks."

Finneas: "I know you're pissed at me. The record label is actually really happy that you did this. They're giving you the week off to furnish your house."

Billie: "What's the catch?" 

Finneas: "You have to do all your shopping with Jesse."

Billie: "Great. Doing everything online."

Finneas: "No you aren't."

I looked at him.

Finneas: "At least go out with him one time, you don't even have to hold hands or anything. Just make a public appearance with him. Please. For the label." 

Billie: "For the label." I mocked under my breath.

Finneas: "This is all going to pay out in the long run." 

Billie: "How Finneas? I just had to break up with the love of my life to please someone ancient ass man who doesn't know anything about anything. She hates me now because I couldn't tell her the truth. When the fuck do I win in this situation?"