Even when it's sunny outside and not raining or anything I still think about moving to Alaska...... it's like I'm ready to leave Michigan behind and go somewhere else where I can be mentally free from weather anxiety....... I'm really missing winter I kept looking at pictures of snow on my phone and I always smile because I love snow and I'd give anything to see snow on the ground......... spring and summer just aren't my seasons anymore they used to be but now not so much......
My anxiety was bad today I went out to lunch with my grandma and it was fine but there was so much noise and it was really cloudy outside and that always makes me anxious during the spring and summer months and I wanted to go home and listen to my long playlist of Taylor swift songs from every single song from her albums..... and I got home and I did that now I feel better but I'm still meh I feel anxious and I feel nauseous I ate dinner..... but I still feel meh once I got home from lunch I immediately put on my pjs and fluffy socks. I'm probably gonna watch a movie or something with my mom since she just came home from work......
I saw Sammy one of my ASD boys on Monday afternoon he was soo happy to see me I thought he would be a little weary of me being in his home but he wasn't once he saw me his face lit up with the BIGGEST smile and I said "hi Sammy!" And i felt at peace since being around those kids makes me feel like I'm needed which is a feeling I've never felt before... his parents were so happy that I was there and I met his dad and his dad was like "are you gabbie?!" And I smiled and nodded and he said "well it's great to finally meet ya" and I think I really found my calling if his parents love me and how much their son brings me joy and happiness.
That's the only time I ever feel like my anxiety is not controlling me or my depression or my OCD or any thoughts even though my mom did tell Sammy's mom about my mental health issues which I was fine with since I trust her and she's a absolute sweetheart and loves me and I was soo happy that she found someone who loves being around her son so much that it brings them happiness and joy which is me..
