Primrose | REVIEW SHOP [ OPEN ]

✦ { Holly } Grieve

Reviewer: lantea-

Client: vrbnwriting

🌹》Title, Cover, & Blurb

The title fits the story and attracts readers. The cover is alright, it doesn’t draw readers in. It’s hard to see the elements on the cover and some of the text is hard to read. The blurb introduces the characters and plot, however, it could be phrased better. The blurb is very matter of fact. Instead of telling the readers how Aster feels, describe it. Include some more details and descriptions in the blurb as well.

🌹》Plot

The plot of the story is engaging and clear, however, it needs to be developed more. The exposition introduces the characters, however, it doesn’t really introduce the world. I assume this is a world where magic is prevalent since people come to watch the zyrleas bloom and others have fairy protectors. Why is Zyrkas abundant in the flowers? Is there other magic in the world? Where does Daia go when she’s not with Aster? What happens to the fairy protector once the person they’re assigned to doesn’t need their help anymore? How are the fairy protectors assigned to people who need help? The pacing of the story feels a little too fast. Daia shows up at Aster’s worst moment, however there isn’t a lot of build up for the readers to that moment. I suggest spending a bit more time showing Aster’s situation and emotions before Daia shows up.

🌹》Characters

The characters are introduced and described pretty well. Some of the characters are described more than others. For example, Daia and her clothing seems to be described quite a bit. The characters’ personalities are shown well in the chapters. The relationships between the characters need to be developed more. Take your time developing the relationship between Aster and Evan as well as the relationship between Daia and Aster.

🌹》Grammar/Spelling

There were spelling and grammar errors in the chapters. The most common errors I noticed were an incorrect word used or a word used when it wasn’t needed. Also, be sure you’re keeping dialogue and actions for the same characters on the same lines.

🌹》Writing Style

The writing style is consistent throughout the chapters, however, it needs some work. Some of the phrasing used was hard to understand. More descriptions could be added to the story as well. Work the descriptions and information into the story so they’re not dumped on the readers at once. For example, you don’t need to describe Daia’s clothes right away and all at once. Maybe describe her bracelets when she moves her arms or her dress when she’s flying. I recommend formatting Athena’s diary entries differently than the regular story so it’s easier for the readers to tell the entries apart from the rest of the story. It was a little hard to tell when the entry ended sometimes. I suggest italicizing the diary entries.

🌹》Enjoyment

The story is interesting and I would read on. I’m interested in seeing how Aster’s story goes. I hope Daia is able to help her! I’d also like to see how the relationship between Aster and Evan develops.

🌹》Overall

Overall, the plot is interesting, however, the story needs to be thought out and developed more. The world needs to be explained more in the story. There isn’t much information included about it right now. Let the readers spend more time with Aster and understand her situation before Daia appears. Also, take your time developing the relationships between the characters. The story also needs an edit to fix the spelling and grammar errors as well as the phrasing that is hard to understand. Be sure to work information and descriptions into the story and don’t dump it on the readers all at once. Include more descriptions in the story as well. Good luck with your story!