IDLE DESIRE 10: THE SINFUL LOVE

10

KYERRA

"I've been where you are. I also felt lost and stood on the edge of hatred and despair. I also started to question everything. I have felt the same ache and emptiness as you. I also felt weak and I was also angry, but I found Him and His love. One thing I learned is that there is light even in the darkest place. That it's okay to be weak and struggle," salita pa niya at muli akong binalingan ng tingin.

"I feel your struggle and pain, I see it in your eyes. Pero hindi mo kailangan kamuhian ang Diyos, dahil hindi Siya ang may kagagawan ng mga pagsubok at lahat ng paghihirap na nararanasan natin sa buhay. Natural lang na makaramdam ka ng galit at sakit, that is part of our life..." wika niya at simple akong nginitian.

"Pero gusto ko lang ipaalala sa iyo na mahabagin at maunawain ang Diyos. Hindi man palaging ayon sa ating kagustuhan ang Kaniyang mga plano, pero ang mga plano Niya para sa atin ay mas mataas at mas makabubuti sa atin. Hindi Siya mawawala kahit pagdudahan mo pa Siya. Maiintindihan mo rin ang dahilan Niya," dugtong niya.

He patted my head carefully.

"'Yong bigat na nararamdaman ng ating puso, diyan nagsisimula ang lahat para pagdudahan Siya, pero naririnig ka Niya. Nakikita ng Diyos ang bawat patak ng 'yong luha, nararamdaman din Niya ang bawat kirot ng puso mo, at mas lalong naririnig Niya ang lahat ng hiling at katanungan mo," salita pa niya.

I took a deep breath as I couldn't stop my tears from falling, but Father Herschel wiped it with his thumb finger.

"Talikuran ka man ng mundo, pero kailanman ay hindi ka tatalikuran ng Diyos. God is always in our hearts, little miss. Feel His love and presence. He is waiting for you to call His name again. We might feel anxious and frustrated, but God has a purpose in his plans so just trust Him. Wait for His perfect timing, because His ways are better than ours. I'm sure He's preparing you for something greater. Sigurado rin ako na ayaw ka lang Niya mapahamak kaya inilayo ka ng Diyos sa mga bagay na hindi makabubuti sa iyo," mahaba pa niyang sabi.

"I don't know how to ease the pain you're carrying, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. I don't know everything you've been through, but I can see your struggle and feel the depth of your sorrow. Your feelings matter, little miss. You are not alone, that's why I'm here, I'm willing to accompany you and help you. I'm ready to give you my shoulder so you have something to lean on. Hindi mo kailangang magmadali, so give yourself time and space to heal. Pero sisiguraduhin ko na muli mong bubuksan ang iyong puso at maramdaman mo muli ang yakap at pagmamahal ng Diyos."

His words left me speechless.

I hate his kindness and confidence. There is something unique about him, and he is now slowly drawing me in.

I am starting to be interested in him and it seems that there is something inside me that motivates me to be close to him because of the beauty of his heart and soul. Gosh, he leaves me in awe, but this man is truly incredible and admirable. Siguro nga'y may dahilan kung bakit nagtagpo ang aming landas.

"Kung wala kang ginagawa, bukas ang pinto ng simbahan na ito para sa 'yo. You can come here anytime. Kung gusto mo na may kausap, huwag kang mahiyang lumapit sa akin," nakangiti niyang sabi bago niya muling pinatugtog ang piano.

"May I ask something?" naibulalas ko bigla habang titig na titig ako sa kaniyang mukha.

"Sure, go ahead."

"Bakit ka ba naging pari?"

He glanced at me with a smile.

"Why? Are you curious?"

I nodded my head slightly.

Talagang nahihiwagaan ako sa pagkatao niya. Mukha kasi siyang may pagka-misteryosong lalaki. Ako rin ang tipo ng babae na gusto ng kasagutan kapag naku-curious ako sa isang bagay o tao. I want to know why he chose to become a priest. Curiosity is really killing me.