Forbidden Love

chapter twenty three

I walked into my apartment feeling slightly dizzy and buzzed. This was Tobias's doing and I knew it. I touched my lips softly. I could still feel Tobias's lips on mines, kissing me hungrily one moment and then gently the other. When he kissed me hungrily it was like he was trying so hard to breathe and I was his ventilator. But when he kissed me gently it was almost like I was delicate piece of glass that would break if he let go.

"Where have you been?"

I jumped at the sudden voice, making me scream. Julian held his hands up in surrender and I placed a hand over my heart, trying to steady my heart rate.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you," he said.

He was wearing his scrubs. It was wrinkled and looked very unkempt. Every time I saw him wear his scrubs they were always clean and crisp. I wonder what he did to get them like that.

"How'd you get in my apartment?" I asked, not moving from my position by the door. Julian tried to walk closer to me and I made no effort to welcome him.

"Noel gave me a key," he replied frowning. "You weren't answering your phone. We were all worried about you."

I forgot all about calling Noel back. I was too stunned by Tobias fighting and then one thing led to the next... I hadn't even realized my phone was dead.

"I had a study session with Jamie," I lied. "It ran kind of late so I just crashed at her place."

Julian sighed and nodded understandably. He came closer to me and pulled me into a hug. "I told Noel it must've been something like that."

Guilt passed through me as I stiffly hugged him back. Julian really was so naive. It would've been better if he at least suspected something. He gave me a small kiss on my forehead and smiled at me.

"I'm glad you're back."

I wasn't. I wasn't at all.

~*~

"You can't scare me like that again!" Noel screeched through my phone. I rolled my eyes at how dramatic she was being.

Julian left soon after I arrived home. I told him I was tired and needed to rest. Being the gentlemen he was he respected my wishes and left me alone. If Tobias would here he wouldn't give a damn. He would wine and complain before getting in bed with me.

"I forgot to call you back. Big deal," I retorted, stuffing my face with a fork full of noodles.

Not being able to tell Noel about Tobias was killing me. Even though she was my best friend I knew she was going to judge me the second I told her I was having an affair. Julian was practically her family soon and I didn't want to burden her with family drama already.

I wanted to tell someone, anyone about Tobias. I wanted to tell them how much he meant to me, how I finally was happy with someone, how I actually imagined my life with him. This was a big deal for me. My whole life I thought I would never find someone who would put up with me, who actually understood me, someone who was just as damaged as me.

My father leaving my mother when I was just a newborn taught me to never trust a man. They would only leave you heartbroken in the end. If I was being honest with myself the only reason I took interest in Julian was because of way Tobias reacted to us being together. As selfish and wicked as it sounds I enjoyed making Tobias jealous. It showed a side of him I didn't see: I saw him care.

"Reign? Are you even listening to me?" I heard Noel's peppy voice scream.

I winced as my eardrum throbbed in pain. "I'm here. I'm sorry okay. I'll remember to call you next time."

Noel huffed out. "You've been really distant lately R. What's going on?"

I bit my lip. I really wanted to tell her but I couldn't. I would be the worlds shittiest best friend for keeping this secret from her for months.

"Nothing's wrong," I replied, shoving another fork full of noodles in my mouth. "How about we have that sleepover you were talking about? Let's say... Tomorrow?"

"I know what you're doing," she retorted. It scared me how sure she sounded. Usually she would brush things off but not this time. "But it must be really bad if you're not telling me."

A shiver went through my spine as I swallowed my noodles. "I'll tell you when the time is right. Just... Just wait for a month."

There was a long pause at the other end of the phone. I knew Noel was still there from the shallow breaths that I could hear. She finally broke her silence after what felt like hours.

"Fine. But on my wedding day I need to know," she demanded.

I nodded my head but then realized she couldn't see me. "Of course. Now what about that sleepover?"