'Woman (hey). Tempted, you know
Apologies are never gonna fix this. I'm empty, I know And promises are broken like a stich is'
A Tim Bradford/The Rookie fan fiction
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Warning: this chapter will contain mentions of PPD.
** The silence in the home was deafening, punctuated only by the rhythmic hum of the white noise machine soothing Ellie. Addison stared at the ceiling, the pale light filtering through the blinds doing little to lift the heavy fog clinging to her mind. It had been a month since Tim left, a month of broken sleep, anxiety and a persistent, ache in her chest that seemed to consume her whole.
Ellie cooed softly, a tiny, gurgling sound that usually brought a smile to Addison's face. Today, it just felt like another demand, another responsibility she was failing to meet. Two months old, and already she felt like she was letting her daughter down.
The truth was, everything felt like a monumental task. Working full time was exhausting enough on its own. Add to that the sleepless nights tending to Ellie, the endless cycle of feeding, burping, and changing, and the crushing weight of postpartum depression, and Addison was barely functioning. This week off work was supposed to be a reset, a chance to catch up, but she felt further behind than ever. The laundry piled up, the dishes overflowed, and Ellie's room remained in a state of chaotic disarray.
She finally dragged herself out of bed and stumbled into the kitchen. A half-eaten bowl of cereal sat on the counter, a relic from yesterday's rushed breakfast. She picked at it listlessly, pushing soggy flakes around with a spoon. Cooking had become a chore, eating a necessity, not a pleasure. She mostly survived on takeout and the occasional granola bar.
Addy was attempting to bathe Ellie, the baby started to cry, a shrill, piercing wail that resonated deep within Addison's own despair. Tears welled in her eyes, mirroring the frustration and helplessness she felt for her child, and for herself. She fumbled with the washcloth, feeling clumsy and inadequate.
"I'm sorry, baby," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I'm so, so sorry." The weight of it all was becoming unbearable. The loneliness, the resentment towards Tim, the overwhelming fear that she was ruining Ellie's life it was a constant, suffocating pressure.
That evening a knock was heard on her front door causing Sadie to bark loudly. Addy sighed and placed a now sleeping, content Ellie in her crib. The baby monitor plugged in, and the white noise machine on, as she closed the door to her babies room. Addy wasn't expecting company, nor has she bothered to check her phone. Sighing Addy opens the door, and comes face to face with a worried Lucy who was holding a duffle bag.
Addy steps aside letting Lucy inside "Hey, what are you doing here?" Addy asks in a quiet voice, afraid to wake up the baby. Lucy sighs and looks around the living room. Blankets were unfolded, the dishes were piled in the sink, and Addy looked like she hadn't showered in days. The scene in front was enough to make Lucy emotional.
