In Between The Good and Bad

BONUS CHAPTER PART FIVE

Penelope's POV

I walk into the kitchen and open the fridge pulling out the food the chef put away for us. The kids were with Harrison and it was just James and I tonight.

I plate up our food and set it at the table. I was feeling a little out of touch with things recently. Just floating around trying to be a good mother. Make sure my kids are healthy and happy whilst I worked and had a new husband. Our honeymoon phase has ended and I can tell. Did not last long clearly. We have been married a few months...

Comparison game was not good but my marriage to James was very very different to my marriage to Harrison. It was new... it was early stages. I felt like we did not find our routine or groove yet. My feelings were very conflicting with each other. Everytime I see Harrison its almost like I am dragged right back into the old Penelope that would probably give her soul for him. My heart stops, my skin flutters and my focus is on him and what he is thinking. He had a way to gather my attention... command my attention almost.

There were too many things that bothered me about Harrison. Maybe about myself and how I acted when he was around. He just made me feel like that stupid 21 year that met him and throught she was running off into the sunset.  I was back to the Penelope I did not like when I was around him. Harrison and I have now shared a few kisses as well as a little more. Acting like its not happening. I looked at James with guilt sometimes that I cheated on him. I know how that felt from the other side. What is wrong with me?

James I thought I found stability. A good husband who was nice to me and loved me. It was becoming harder to be in this marriage as of recent. I have the strength to leave especially leaving Harrison which was the hardest possible thing. I woke up random nights thinking whether that was the right thing to do?

Memory is a funny thing... it almost erases the painful stuff and leaves you remembering the good. Missing the good.. its almost like you create this false reality...

"Hey you okay?" James startles me as I was walking putting a bottle of wine down.

"Hey. Sorry was just in my own thoughts." I say as he puts his hand on my shoulder. He leans down kissing my lips as he then studies my face.

"This smells so good."

"I know right." I say sighing as I sit down. James opens the wine bottle pouring it for us.

"I was thinking about Evelyn maybe coming for dinner tomorrow?" James says to me as I started eating. I look at him wondering whether this meal was poisonous. It put me off so I put my fork down.

"Come on..." James says as I push my plate away.

"She could have killed me." I say. "So I am not sure why I am not allowed to worry if my food has something in it."

"Evelyn has not been back here since you kicked her out."

"Did you forget Ruby went to hospital?" I ask him. "I have not even told Harrison because I am so worried about what he would do."

"Why are you so afraid of Harrison?" He asks looking at me. "Or is it that you just do not want to upset his precious feelings."

"Ruby is his child." I say annoyed. "I am pretty sure the kids have already said something already. Then he is going to tell me I am a terrible mother and I really really do not want to co-parent whilst were in a terrible place."

"I miss the days where you did not even talk to him." James says.

"Well this works better. Its better for the kids too." I say folding my arms.

"How will we ever function as a family Penelope. This is just so complicated?"

"You function however you want to function." I say.