Change of Heart

9

Chaz POV

Lonnie sat me down on my bed and demanded that I tell her the truth. Part of me was scared to tell her, I didn't want her to do anything crazy or think I'm in danger. Another part of me just wanted to be able to tell others the truth so I wouldn't have to always keep everything inside. I was torn between fear and a cry for help. My head and my heart were at war.

I just took a deep breath and just spoke without thinking. Whatever came out my mouth is what was meant to happen. I couldn't look at her though, my eyes glanced over everything but her. I began with "He's changed. He's gotten worse."

"Who's he and how has he gotten worse?"

I let a huge sigh escape my mouth. "He hit me" I mumbled.

"He what?"

"He got mad. He slapped me because I was being selfish and inconsiderate. I even forgot his birthday, I'm terrible."

"Oh hell no. Are you kidding me Chaz? You're justifying his actions?! No. No that shit is not okay."

"He was drunk. He didn't mean it."

"I don't care what he was, child abuse isn't something that's just an accident. That's a crime. And he's not gonna get away with this."

"Lonnie he's my dad. The only family I have left. He's just hurt."

"Look at yourself. You're the one who is hurt. And why is your neck so red?"

"Nothing. I slept bad." I said rubbing my neck. Damn it still hurt.

"Chaz. Don't lie to me"

"He started to choke me. But he stopped. He wasn't being himself."

"He WHAT?!!"

"He choked me but he stopped"

"I heard you but how in the flying fuck are you still trying to justify his actions. Chaz he could've killed you."

"He's still my dad."

"Like you said he's not himself. And you don't need to be around that."

"He kicked me out.. He told me he wants me out the house before he comes back or he'll finish what he started"

"He had the audacity to threaten you?"

"Lonnie-"

"Pack your stuff you're coming with me"

"No.. "

"Chaz I wasn't asking."

I just sighed and followed directions. Deep down on the inside her dominance was a turn on, especially since she was dressed like a fem, but on the outside I didn't let that show.

I don't want her to feel like she's subjected to have to care or me because we're friends. I hate when people do things for me because I just feel like I don't deserve things. Especially from other people.

She's probably only doing this out of sympathy. This is what I didn't want. Someone getting involved with my sob story life. Only giving me attention because they feel bad for me.

Jay POV

It's kind of weird how we managed to leave that party full of people and no one noticed us leave. We walked out of the house and down the street.

"You know you don't Have to tell me your life story."

"I know I don't. I want to though."

"You know when you just have that feeling when you're just tired of having to keep everything to yourself. That moment you find an escape you just have to take that chance cause you've been waiting so long."

I just nod in agreement.

"In my life I just feel so trapped. I've always felt so caged, the only time I was free was when I was at school. I can be myself. The restrictions are gone and I just become a whole different person. But at home it's a whole different story."

She trailed us to her house into her backyard. Her house wasn't as big as Lonnie's but it was nice nonetheless. We just sat on this bench in her backyard.

"What I'm wearing was not even my choice. I wear clothes like this to make my mom happy. She controls the majority of my life. Except school, that's why I'm a whole different person. My mom doesn't approve of it. My dad doesn't know cause he's never home. I practically have no dad and a hypocritical inconsiderate mother. She makes me feel like I have no self worth. Like my whole life is a sin and I'm going to die. One time she thought I was becoming a lesbian and she told me if I choose that lifestyle burn in hell with gasoline draws and I wouldn't be allowed to live under her roof. I was only 9. She's never failed to remind me that if I choose that lifestyle how much of an abomination I'll be. This lady just loves to belittle me and make me feel like I'm nothing. And there's nothing I can do but take it..."

Wow.. I'm just feeling so bad for this girl and I can't even help her. Her tears just come out of her eyes non stop. Streaming down her cheeks from every blink there's a new tear. She couldn't even look at me once.

I looked around for something to give her and I remembered that I had saw a towel somewhere. I grabbed it and gave it to her.

"Thank you" She adds a sniffle

"You know.. This is something I never told anybody but so far I feel pretty comfortable talking to you. The reason I talk to all these different studs is cause I'm just looking for somebody who will just treat me nice. Just a hint of nice is better than my reality. And I just want a distraction from it."

"The way you're going about things is wrong. You deserve to be treated nice and actually cared about. You be talking to straight assholes, if you don't mind me being honest, and that's not what you deserve."

"I don't get what I deserve. I never do. It's just not meant for me. Maybe I'm just meant to be treated badly."

"Don't talk like that. That's not true. No one deserves to be treated unfairly. No one deserves to be taken advantage of. No one deserves to be belittled. No one deserves to be disrespected."

"That sounds so nice. But my life proves otherwise. Actions speak louder than words."

At that moment I just felt the need to kiss her. I just grabbed her face to mine and connected my lips to hers. I'm scared of how she's going to react and what's gonna happen after so I just longate the kiss. Then tongues began to battle. Teeth were on lips. I feel bad for her lip. I think I bit a little hard. Surprisingly, she pulled away.

"Jamie, I have to tell you something."

I wipe my lips so I can answer. "Alright. Spit it out"

"I'm falling for you heavy. I think I'm in love with you. But I don't want you to freak out or think I'm crazy"

I just cut her off with another kiss. I'm starting to like her lips. But shit. How can she love me. I'm falling for her too but I just can't get involved with emotions.

"That wasn't a verbal response but I'm guessing you're not going to freak out."

"And no I don't think you're crazy. "

Her smile. It made me get butterflies. Gosh. Feelings. Don't give in.

"Morgan. You're family with Lonnie, my best friend, and we all know-"

"It's okay. Remember I don't deserve good things it's just not meant for me"

"Nah that's not it shawty. "

"Jay it's okay. I understand"

"Morgan.."

"I'm gonna go shower and knock out. You have a great night Jamie." She just walks away and goes inside.

Fuck.

Check out Lonnie in the media.