Change of Heart

44

Bad Dreams or Foreshadowed Nightmares
○○

Lonnie

It felt so good to be home early and get a healthy amount of sleep. Lord knows I love to sleep.

Ater falling into deep sleep, my dreams start to play.

The dream felt so realistic. I was in someone's room by myself. I looked around to find clues and I happened to notice an open door. It led to a bathroom.

A walked into the bathroom carefully. I didn't know if anyone was in there so I announced my entry.

"Hello?"

I looked down and there she was - lying motionless on the ground. My heart stopped for a moment.

This is too realistic.

I noticed that she had a bottle of pills in her hand, but it looked empty, which only meant one thing. She OD'd.

I dropped down to the ground.

"Chasity..." My eyes started to overfill like water balloons. "This is all my fault. I should've seen this coming." I closed my eyes, distraught from what I just saw. I had so much dissapointment in myself.

"It is." Said by any all too familiar voice, I searched for her but there was no sight of her. Even her body was gone.

I saw a blue light coming from her room, so I got up and cautiously walked back into the room.

There she was standing on the other side of her room looking out the window.

"Why didn't you just come to me if you felt this way?" I asked.

"Would you have even given me your attention? You seemed quite busy every time I saw you. There was always a new girl, I was no one to you. Not worth one minute of your time."

"That's not true." I said.

"Lonnie, I never understood something about you..." She paused. "You were always trying to protect me from being hurt, but you're the main one causing me so much pain." She turned around, looking dead at me.

She looked more alive from the back. Her facial features were so lifeless. Her skin had a blue hue and she had this highlight on the outline of her body as if she was glowing.

Observing the front half of her body, it was like her body was open. I could see her broken ribs and her heart - it was literally shattered.. 

I felt a piercing sensation in my heart. "I'm- I'm sorry Chaz." I felt a tear roll down my face.

"There you go lying again." She scoffed.

"Even when I'm dead you lie to me. You DON'T have to LIE Lonnie." Her raising her voice hurt me so much for some strange reason. Even more tears fell from my eyes.

Soon I just couldn't control the amount of tears coming out of my eyes.

"Chasity," I spoke. "I've always loved you. And I know I've been acting one way, but you're the one I want. You're the one I need. I need my best friend forever. I don't want to be without you. I can't live without you. I know it took me forever to tell you but it's the truth. I mean it with all my heart. I'm in love with you Chasity Vega. I never actually got with you because I was so scared that I would hurt you. You deserve way better than me. Please believe me. Tell me what to do and I'll do it. I'll do anything."

Ending it off with my eyes closed and my head down, I literally poured my heart out. There was nothing else I could think to say next, so I just waited for her to respond.

"Lonnie?" She calls my name so sweetly.

"Yes?" I respond with my eyes still closed.

"Why did you have to see me dead before you opened up to me?" She asked.

They say the truth hurts and right now it was hurting like hell. I couldn't even respond to that. 

"And P.S. you don't have a heart."

Somehow I opened my eyes and saw me in the mirror. There was a hole in my chest.

She was right.

I had no heart.

"If you love someone, let them go. You love me? Let me go then." With that she began to fade away.

I watched her slowly fade away. I felt like I was losing her again. "I don't want to let you go. Please don't go. Wai-"

Unable to finish my sentence, I started to feel like I was running out of air. With no heart, I was losing my ability to breathe.

I was literally dying and it felt too real. My vision was gradually fading out to pitch black.

My body jerked and I was immediately awake. I woke up so fast I almost caught a cramp in my neck.

Eyes wide open, I was sweating profusely. I was hot as hell and my heart was pounding like a bass drum. I was honestly glad it was beating rather than not at all.

I inhaled deeply, appreciative for my ability to breathe again. Back in reality, I was realized I was lying in the dark. I searched for my TV remote and switched it on. I wasn't a fan of being in the dark.

Looking at my phone screen, it read 3:02 am.

I was up too early and I couldn't go back to sleep. The only thing I could do was think about that dream while I could still remember it. I was a believer that dreams have hidden meanings and I knew mine meant nothing good.

Could it have been a foreshadowed event? Or was it just a sign?

Regardless, I was scared either way.

I couldn't handle the thoughts anymore. I had to get my mind off of what happened in that dream, so I clicked on an app.

I scrolled on instagram, looking at all the things on my feed. I watched a few funny videos to lighten up my mood. Then, a picture she posted crossed my screen. Didn't look exactly suicidal to me.

It still didn't look good either.

Ultimately, I'm not going to just sit and wait for her to get to the point where the next thing she posts is suicidal.

There has to be something I can do.