Change of Heart

53

Lonnie POV

I got in my car with Morgan and put the key in ignition. I had an impulse to drive to Chaz's house and pick her up, but I had to ignore it and drive straight to school.

She didn't make it to our meet up spot this morning, so Jay, Morgan and I just walked to first period without her. I shot her a text asking her where she was. She responded saying she was here and in the next moment she was rolling through the front door.

She couldn't fit through the isle because of the width of her wheelchair so she had to sit in the front of the class. I didn't want her to feel alone so I went and sat in the first desk in the row next to her.

I looked at her and she returned a shy smile.

I couldn't tell if she was giving me a dry mood or if I was overthinking it. For the rest of the day I escorted her to each of our classes. During gym class I didn't leave her side. We held small conversations, but I could sense awkward tensions arising.

We were sitting on the bleachers away from everyone else. I'm not one to ignore the elephant in the room so I addressed it.

"Chaz, what's up? You seem off and I don't know what you're feeling cause you're giving so many dry responses. Did I do something wrong?" I ask.

"I just.. don't want you to baby me. All day you've been treating me like I'm lesser than you. Like I don't have functional arms or hands. You've taken me to every class. You've sat next to me in every class. You didnt leave my side once since you saw me."

"Is that it? I'm too close. You need space?" I ask.

"Lonnie you took me to the bathroom." She reminds me.

"Was I not supposed to help?" I question.

"You've even helped me use the bathroom." She argues.

"Okay, maybe.. that was a bit.. much." I admit hesitantly.

"You think?" She asks.

"I'm sorry me helping you is an issue. I just thought you deserved it. It's the least I could do."

"Just because I'm in a wheelchair doesn't mean I'm completely handicapped. I don't want your help with every little thing I do. We're both old enough to take care of ourselves."

I'm listening to what she's saying, but I'm not believing it. What I feel is not adding up with her answers. One day she wants me on her face the next she doesn't want me too close to her.

"Babygirl, if something is really bothering you you'll be honest with me, right? I mean, you wouldn't lie to me would you?" I ask.

"No," she says. Her eyes strolled away from mine. If anybody, I thought I'd be the one to be questionable like this.

"Chaz, can you just be honest with me? I can't read your mind. All I can do is assume if you don't talk to me." I stress.

"Lonnie, I already told you." She says.

"Told me what? That I'm too close to you?" I ask. Again, her eyes run away from my stare. "Are you embarassed to be seen this close to me?" I ask.

"It's not you, it's the wheelchair. Everybody keeps staring at me."

This girl..

"We both know each other bettet than we know ourselves, so if you gone lie to me don't."

Her eyes fell down to her fingers that were fiddling with each other.

"After all this time of me struggling with my insecurities, I finally push my emotions to put you first this is what I get? Seriously. I really thought you were bigger than this."