Change of Heart

38 - Confessions Pt. 2

Previously.....

My head and my heart were at war.

You feeling guilty won't make her feel any better.

Fuck her heart. She broke mine

She's not my girl. She was never my girl. And will never be my girl.

Chasity and Lonnie are over.

She made me feel safe. When we kissed, it felt like we were the only two people on Earth.

"The truth is... I'm hurt."

"I fell in love with Chaz"

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Lonnie POV

"I messed up. I fell in love with my best friend. I didn't expect for it to happen but it did."

"But did you like the feeling?" She asks.

"Yeah, but that was until she-"

"You need to tell her." She says, cutting me off.

"Hell no I don't. Not after her stunts. I don't even know who she is anymore."

"Look. We're Banks. When we fall in love, it's serious. We don't fall in love easily, buy when it happens, it's amazing. In today's society love is a rare thing, so when you get it you have to hold in tight cause not everybody ready to love. Not everybody is even willing to love. And not a lot of people know how to love." She preaches.

"Morgan, you don't understand." I say.  "I can't love her. She's taken. She chose a new hoe over her bro. She already hates me 'cause she obviously tried to kill me. Choosing to love her would be stupid. I'd be wasting my time and preparing for more heartbreak. After my first one, I don't want to have any repeats."

Bad memories start to come to my mind.

"I doubt Chasity really wanted to kill you. After all that yall been through." She inputs.

"Exactly my point. After all we've been through and you choose her over me?" I say.

"Sounds like a bit of jealousy." She says.

"No. I'm just hurt that she chose to believe that hoe over her own bro." I admit.

"Maybe that's it. She only saw you as a bro, so she didn't feel the same."

"No." I say shaking my head. "I wasn't just "her bro" in her head. I know she would try and sneak peeks at me when we would change together. I just never said anything about it. And I did too" I admit.

"Oouuu" She sings jokingly.

"But like... I know that isn't true because the day we kissed, it was just.. it was almost like it were only me and her and no one else." I say.

"Kiss? And you didn't tell her then? When did it happen?" She asks.

The day replays in my mind

[Jay POV]

"It was the day of Lonnie's party. I was on my way there, but my dad didn't like that I didn't ask him to go, so he decided to hit on me and almost kill me by choking me. He kicked me out the house that day, but she came to my rescue. She comforted me. When I was crying and just in a dark place, she was my light. When she kissed me it was breathtaking. I just felt so complete. In that moment, I'll never forget, I never wanted it to end. It felt like we were the only two people on Earth. But my thoughts of feelings being mutual was a long shot. I should've known she only did it out of pity. So then I tried to ignore those feelings. I kept telling myself it wouldn't ever happen. Players don't ever quit the game."

"Wow" was all that came out my mouth. I was in a frenzy for words.

"I fell in love with Lonnie... but once I got with Bianca, I finally felt happy. Momentarily, I got over Lonnie. I was happy that someone actually liked me. I actually found someone who didn't want to be with me cause they felt bad for me. Someone who actually liked me back. I just couldn't wait for something that was never gonna happen. And Lonnie was never gonna happen..... But even then, as much as I want to deny it, my heart still wants her."

"Have you ever admitted this to Lonnie?" I ask.

"How could I? Now we both know Lonelle. She likes fems and she's a player. I'm nothing close to a fem. I'm not pretty or feminine. And we're... I mean we were Bros. And you don't date bros. That breaks all rules of bro code."

"First off, just because you're not feminine does not mean you're unattractive. And you never know until you try. Maybe she doesn't know how much you feeling her. Or that you feeling her at all." I say.

"Jay, I can't. It's Lonnie we're talking about here. I have no chance. And any type of chance I had is thrown out the window after the gas station scene." She says looking dissappointed.

"You never know until you try. I mean... I wouldn't give up on love. I mean, you both are my bros but I want you two happy, not hating and fighting each other. And I haven't heard you say that you love Bianca yet."

"Jay, I... I just don't know." She drops her head. "I don't want to try then fail. And have her look down upon me. People like Lonnie don't really seem to like Stud for Stud type relationships." She says with the face full of doubt.

"You're both females at the end of the day. Labels don't define love. Love prevails above all. If you love her, I say at least tell her. The more you hold it in, the more it'll be on your mind."

"But when would I even tell her?" She asks looking down at her lap.

"She's in Morgan's hospital room. You can go to her now."

Lonnie POV

"Awe. You went to save her. You guys are cute. Lonnie you have to tell her how you feel."

"I can't. She doesn't love me back. She has someone else. And I'm not a home wrecker. I may be wreckless but I'm not that bad." I defend myself.

"Don't ever miss a chance to have happiness. Love is a rare and valuable gift to be granted. Love is the gateway to happiness. You shouldn't let anything stop you from being happy. And you deserve to be happy."

I just sat in thinking mode.

There's not much else I could say. It was either I do something about it or do nothing at all.

So I chose.

I just can't do this shit anymore.

I just can't be that stupid.

I have to go get what's mine.

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Ooouuuuu!!!!!!

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