I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Eight: Jesika

Dear Journal,

Happy Birthday to me. It sucks. I didn't leave my room at all two days ago. It was four years since I killed my Dad. August 15th, 2007. I wish it wasn't my birthday. Its really early so no one has been up here yet. They know I hate my birthday, but Mom and Ty still say "Happy Birthday." I always just want to scream at them. Remind them, MY BIRTHDAY KILLED DAD! Just remind them, you know. 

I haven't talked or seen Justin since the night I had my panic attack. Since the night he kissed my cheek. What was he thinking? I'm kind of wondering if HE'S avoiding ME. I think he is. Mom hasn't said anything about having plans today. Maybe she finally realized, I HATE my birthday. I could only be so lucky.

August 17, 2011 ; Jesika Williams

I finally emerge from my room. I realized I should have gotten up and eaten sooner but I forgot. I should have gone and got food when I woke up. Leaving no room to see Ty or Mom. I shouldn't have killed my Dad.

I walked into the kitchen and Ty and my mom immediately started to sing "Happy Birthday." I lifted my hands to my ears. "No!" I yelled. "I don't want to hear you singing!" I yelled again. They still kept going. 

When they finished I unclamped my hands from my ears. I was still in my pjs and I saw Ty looking at me with sympathy in his eyes. I turned away from him and grabbed a plate of mom's pancakes.

Even after four years, Ty still wasn't used to seeing me so, exposed, I guess. I wasn't ashamed and I never would be, but I wasn't flaunting anything. Thats why jeans, leggings, and sweatshirts are mostly what my wardrobe consists of.

"Jesika?" My mom said impatiently. I'll bet anything that wasn't the first time she said my name. I looked at her. "Pattie, Justin, Ty, and I are taking you out for your birthday tonight." Out? I couldn't go out. Doesn't she know the last time we went out on my birthday, someone died? Doesn't she remember?

"We don't have to." I said.

"Thats what I told Pattie. But she wouldn't take no for an answer."

"I don't want to go." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I know. But you have to."

"Why? I don't even like them." I yelled. "Pattie is your friend, Justin is not mine!"

"Jesika Tia Williams." Mom scolded and I knew I was in trouble. "You are going to go and even if you absolutely hate it, you are going to pretend its your best birthday. Do you understand me?"

"Yes." I rolled my eyes.

"They will pick us up at 6:30 and they said you should dress casual. So jeans are fine, but I want you to wear a nice shirt."

"Whats wrong with my shirts?" I asked knowing she didn't like my clothes.

"Jesika."

"Fine Mom. I get it." I said and silently ate my pancakes. Then I went up to my room. I changed into pants then I pulled out my journal and went and sat on my balcony. Turned away from the neighbors house. I was sitting outside peacefully for a few hours.

"Hey there, Ms. I'll cuddle with you on a sofa then ignore you because I'm too good for you." I heard a voice I was starting to hate.

"I wasn't cuddling with you and I never said that."

"You didn't have to." Justin said mimicking me.

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to wish you a…"

"Don't." I interrupted him. I turned and looked at him, willing the tears in my eyes to stay there. "Don't wish me anything." Justin lifted his eyebrows at me.