I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Eighteen: Jesika

Dear Journal,

Its been a little over a week since I've talked to Justin. I'm pretty sure he's ignoring me because every time I go over there to talk to him, he shuts me out. His mom just tells me he's busy or he's sick. But I can see the pity in her eyes which tells me he just doesn't want to talk to me. 

I can't believe he blamed me for him and Caitlin breaking up. I mean, I know he was probably just saying that because he was hurt, but still. I don't even know where he would get the idea that it was my fault. No, I don't like her, but I tried to make things work. I tried helping him convince her nothing was going on, that nothing would ever go on so I don't understand why he's so mad at me. I didn't do anything and now he's ignoring me. 

August 29, 2011 ; Jesika Williams

Today was the last day I was going to go out of my way to try to talk to him. I can't keep trying to help him when he obviously doesn't want to be helped. I don't even know if he's talking to Chaz, Ryan, or Christian. I haven't even seen them since the amusement park. Christian is leaving in four days which kind of sucks because I won't get to see him anymore and he was pretty much the only person I didn't mind being around. 

I decided I couldn't stall trying to talk to him, so in my sweatpants and sweatshirt I walked over to the neighbors house. Pattie answered the door with the look that told me I wouldn't get farther than the door. 

"Is Justin here? I really need to talk to him." I told her, pleading with my eyes for her to let me in. She sighed and didn't meet my eyes.

"He's not feeling well. Maybe another time." She started to shut the door, and I don't know what came over me, but instead of turning to walk away I put my foot in the door.

"Really? Because I think right now is the perfect time to talk." I told her and Pattie's eyes widened.

"Jesika, I don't think you understand what I said."

"I understand what you said. I also understand that he's telling you to say that because I can see how you're pitying me. I know he just doesn't want to see me but I really need to talk to him because he's ignoring me for no reason." I told her.

"I can't let you in." I glared at her and I knew that was rude but at this point I didn't care. I honestly didn't care how my actions were being affected by this boy who didn't want to talk to me. By a boy who obviously didn't care. 

And once that settled in I blinked and nodded at her. "Alright." I turned on my heel and started walking away.

"Jes, but maybe I could turn my head and you could sneak in." Pattie called out. I turned and shook my head at her.

"No. Its not important anymore. Just tell him I said to feel better." I told her resigned and continued my walk back to my house. If he wanted to be immature, then he could be, but there was no way I was going to give in to him anymore. I wasn't even going to worry about him again. This was his fault and it was his responsibility to fix it.

I grabbed my phone once I was in my room and invited Christian over. He gladly came over, wanting to get away from his sister. Before he got here I changed into jeans and a plain t-shirt and threw a sweatshirt on over it.

"They are so frustrating. They are miserable together and miserable apart." I told Christian and fell down on my bed.

"I know. All Caitlin has been doing is crying and laying in her bed. My mom is actually making me bring her food to her." Christian sat down in my saucer chair.

"Is Justin talking to you at all?" I asked.

"He's called a couple of times to hang out but not as much." He told me and I looked down at my shirt.