I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Thirty: Jesika

Dear Journal,

I focused all my attention on school the past couple of days and just hung out with Claire and Blake. I didn't even really want to see Chaz and Ryan but Ryan was Claire's boyfriend so he was around and Chaz followed him. Things were still pretty weird between me and him but things were getting better which was nice.

September 20, 2011 ; Jesika Williams

I had just walked out of my house to catch the bus when I saw Justin walking toward me. "Jes can we please talk?" He asked.

"I have to go to school." I told him. It would be the perfect time for the bus to pull up and be just a little early.

"Can we talk until your bus comes?" I could see the hopeful look in Justin's eyes but honestly, I didn't care. I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Like I told Claire, him going back to Caitlin was like a slap in the face after that night. 

"Theres nothing to talk about Justin." I told him, not looking at him. No, I really don't care if I'm being immature about this. 

"I think there is. I told you I wouldn't let my being with Caitlin come between us and I meant that. I don't want to lose you Jes." He told me. I didn't even respond; I just shook my head at him. "I don't know why what I did was so wrong. You and Blake looked fine outside so I thought talking to Caitlin would be a good idea and then things just happened from there."

"I don't like Blake, you jerk! You don't even know the full story, which I tried to tell you by the way! You just don't get it Justin and obviously you never will."

"Get what?" Justin asked and he looked so confused and thats what made my decision for me.

"You don't get that you're no good for me. All you know how to do is hurt me and I don't need someone like that in my life. I'm sorry Justin, but I have to go to school." I said just as the bus pulled up.

"Can I come over later so we can talk?" He asked and I shook my head, placing my foot on the first step.

"No." I told him and walked up to go take my seat. I sat next to Claire in front of Blake. Both of them were staring out the window as we passed but I refused to even look. Once we passed the neighborhood Claire put her arms around me and hugged me in the seat.

"Whatever happened, I'm sorry." She said and I shook my head.

"Its not your fault. You don't need to be sorry." I told her.

"I know but you're my best friend so it comes with the territory." Claire grinned and I grinned back at her.

"Hey, what about me?" Blake asked from behind us. I scooted closer to Claire and patted the seat next to me.

"Come on up." I told him and he grinned but came and sat beside us.

"He's just a dummy." Blake told me. "Whatever he said, he was just being a dummy about it. Claire told me that he's back with Caitlin and Jes I'm sorry. But thats who he deserves, he doesn't deserve someone as great as you with the shit he's been pulling."

"Thanks Blake. He thinks that I like you and thats why he had a talk with Caitlin, who's up here by the way and Christian is not." Claire and Blake both laughed. Although they hadn't actually met him in person, Claire knew of him through Justin because she was a fan, which in turn made Blake know about him because she gushes about him all the time. And also, they had been in my room when him and I were on Skype a couple of times.

"Why don't you call him and tell him whats going on? See if he can get up here before his sister leaves." Claire suggested.

"Theres probably a reason he didn't come up." I shrugged. "But I should call him. I will after school." I told them as we pulled up to the building.

School went by pretty fast, probably because I wasn't really looking forward to spilling my guts to Christian. I mean, I was but I wasn't, if that makes sense. The bus dropped me off at my house and I practically ran to my house and up my stairs. I sent Christian a text asking him to Skype with me and he agreed quickly.

When I saw his face pop up I spoke, "Why aren't you up here if Caitlin is?" 

"My parents didn't want me to go up there, they said I wouldn't do any of my school work os I had to stay home." I frowned at him. "Whats going on?" He asked and I launched into my story, starting with the night Justin and I shared so many nights ago and ending with this morning.

"They're back together." Christian groaned. Actually it was more like a whine and a groan wrapped in one.

"Christian," I started, because that so wasn't the point.

"I know, I know. Not the point but still. Jes I'm sorry he's a jerk to you. If I was up there I would knock him across his head. I told him not to keep messing with you." Christian frowned. "Do you like him?" Christian asked. I feel like I owed it to tell him the truth. He's helped me through a lot.

I found myself nodding as I said, "yes." I looked down at my hands, "I tried not to like him but I can't help myself. On those occasions where he's so sweet to me, it just gets to me and I wish he would just stay like that. But then stuff like this happens and I have to bring my sanity into question because even through how much he's hurt me, I still like him."

"Jes its alright to like him still."

"After everything that happened between us that night, how could he not see that I liked him? I don't even understand why he thinks I like Blake!" 

"He's just being dumb."

"Thats what Blake said!" I told Christian and threw my hands in the air. "I just don't understand him. If he likes me as much as he said he did, why is he back with your sister?"

"She's safe and she's his first love." Christian shrugged.

"Your first doesn't have to be your last. I thought he said he was done with her." I grumbled. "And now he's back with her, I should have just told him I didn't want him to get back with her like Claire said, at least then he'd know how I felt about that whole situation and I'd have a good reason to ignore him right now because I told him I didn't want them together, but right now I really don't bec—"

"Jes, breathe!" Christian interrupted me and I gulped in a big breath of air. I didn't even realize I was rambling.

"Right, thats something that I have to do." I grinned at him and he just chuckled. "Christian, what do I do? I wish you were here so we could have a sleep over."

"Jes, just do whatever you think is right, and trust me, we'll have another sleepover some time." 

"I hope so. I miss you Christian." I told him and I watched his grin get bigger.

"I miss you too Jes. And I told you that you would."

"Oh shut up." I told him.

"I knew you cared about me more than you were letting on." Christian practically sang. "But I have to go. I hope to see you soon." Christian told me and I nodded before we hung up the call.

Do what I think is right? At the moment I feel like kicking Caitlin back to Georgia would be right but that doesn't mean I should do it.