I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Twenty-Two: Jesika

Dear Journal,

Christian is still asleep. We both kind of ended up falling asleep in my bed after I told him all about my life back in California and the stuff dealing with Dad. He also told me about his family and his friends back home. We promised to stay in contact and I was really hoping we kept that promise. I really like having Christian in my life and I wish he didn't have to leave. Maybe Mom could adopt him or something, just so I could keep seeing him.

September 1, 2011 ; Jesika Williams

I kept taking glances at Christian. He was softly snoring in my bed beside me. I was writing and randomly drawing in my journal, waiting for him to wake up. Why didn't I just get out of bed, you ask? Well, I don't want to wake him up, for one, and, for two, I just don't really want to move at the moment. Yes, I'm very lazy in the mornings. And most afternoons. 

But thats not the point.

He really could sleep forever. I started to draw his face in my journal. Just him sleeping on my pillow. The way his hair fell over his forehead and the light coming in through my window looked kind of nice and I was in a drawing mood.

Before I finished he started moving and making morning noises. "Wait, stay like that. Don't even open your eyes. Give me a couple of minutes." I told him and he stayed where he was. At least I knew he was awake now, I thought to myself. I kept drawing until I finished. "Alright, you can move now." His eyes opened immediately and found mine. 

"What were you doing?" He asked and I just showed him my journal as an answer. "Wow, you're amazing." He told me and grinned. "Now you have a piece of me to remember forever. How romantic." Christian faked a swooning gesture and I rolled my eyes at him.

"You are just so funny. Has anyone ever told you how hilarious you are?"

"No, actually, they haven't."

"Good." I told him and narrowed my eyes. He just laughed at me and sat up.

"How long have you been watching me sleep?"

"I was not watching you!" I said. 

"Yeah, and there isn't a drawing to prove it, right?" He asked and I couldn't help but smile at him. "So really, how long have you been awake?"

"Not too long really. Like an hour or so." I shrugged. It really wasn't a big deal. Its not like I sat there bored out of my mind. I was writing and drawing.

"You could have woken me up." He told me and I couldn't help but think of the time I said the same thing to Justin so long ago.

"It's fine." I repeated his words.

"Jes?" Christian asked, but I swore the voice I heard was Justin's. I really think I need to check myself into an insane asylum or something. I think I'm about to have a breakdown from everything going on around me. "Earth to Jes." Christian was waving his arms in front of my face. I blinked twice before I focused my gaze on him.

"What? Sorry, my head was somewhere else." I grinned sheepishly.

"Stay on this planet." He laughed. "But anyway, what are we doing today?" He asked.

"You aren't sick of me yet?" I retorted. Honestly, I was glad he was still here. After everything I told him yesterday, I would expect most people to just run away and never show me their face again, but here he was. 

"Nah. Not yet." He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

"If I was watching our conversation as an outside observer, I would totally think you were hitting on me every five seconds and I was just brushing you off."

"Well its kind of what happens. But both of us know that I'm just kidding." Christian replied, with a shrug.

"Yeah and its a good thing I know or I would probably fling you into the neighbors window from my balcony."

"I feel like that would be a really harsh punishment."

"I feel like I don't really care." I shrugged at him and then we fell into a silence. Before either of us spoke, I heard a grumble from Christian's stomach. I lifted my eyebrows at him and he grinned.

"Its breakfast time. You have to feed me. Didn't you hear my poor stomach?" He gave me his best puppy dog eyes and I rolled mine.

"Lets go. We need to feed the beast." 

After Breakfast, Christian and I went back into my room. It was like we had an endless amount of conversation topics because we just sat on my bed and talked. I don't remember the last time I ever talked to someone so much. Honestly it was exhausting, but in the best way possible.

"Hey, Jes?" I hummed at him in response. "Do you still talk to your friend Kayden?" 

"Not really since I left California. Every once in a while he'll be there when I talk to Hali but I wasn't really close with him. He was mostly friends with Hali and not me so we just, I don't know, got along I guess because of her."

"I see. But I thought you said they both started treating you like you would break after everything with your dad."

"They did. Its not that Kayden and I weren't friends, like we talked and stuff in school but out of school we wouldn't like hang out together just us. It was always only with Hali and when my dad died, Kayden just pulled away even further. Like enough to where it seemed like we actually weren't friends even in school."

"And that was four years ago? When you were like twelve? They just started ditching you?" Christian asked. I could feel his anger in his words.

"They didn't actually ditch me. Just they started treating me like I was a hurt kid or a scared animal. Almost like if they moved to quickly I'd run away and never come back." 

"Thats why when I talked to Hali yesterday and she started asking me how I was I got really mad at her because I honestly haven't forgiven her yet. What kind of friend doest that to someone? She knew what I was doing to myself and she didn't even try to step in and help me. For so many years, I needed her to ask me how I was and me tell her I was fine and then her call me out on it. I needed her to look me in the eye and tell me I wasn't fine, because I wasn't. I wasn't anywhere near fine and she knew but she didn't care."

"Jes, I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I wish I had of known you before. I would have helped you; I would have asked."

"I know. And you have asked. You've known me for like three months. Hali knew me for six years before all that and she never even asked. It just, it didn't make sense to me for her to ask now out of all times and I can't forgive her so easily for that."

"And you shouldn't have to. You had a lot going on and even if she only suspected what you were doing she should have asked. No one deserves to go what you went through Jes and I'm sorry you did."

"I know, but theres no point dwelling in the past. I have to find ways to move on and slowly I am. Having you all in my life has changed me. Like I told you last night." 

And it was true. They have changed me. They've all given me that friendship I needed back when I was twelve. They gave me the confidence to hold my head up and they gave me the strength to keep moving day to day.