I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Twenty-Five: Jesika

Dear Journal,

I knew he'd do it again. I knew all he was going to do was hurt me. But I wanted to believe that maybe he was okay. That he could be alright. But he just keeps pushing me away and pulling me back and pushing me away. First it was the whole amusement park thing and then it was the pool. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with him. He's just so frustrating. He told me he likes me and then he pulls this. I don't get it. He still hasn't talked to me since the pool thing.

I should just let it go, but I can't. I just can't let it go, knowing that he likes me.

I've been talking to Ryan a lot about Claire and I think he likes her too. I just need to get them to realize that without actually telling them. Claire has become my best friend. Probably even better than what Hali was. Its strange how much I trust her though. She seems so… good, I guess. She's different. And she's a total girly girl which is weird for me to like. But I like it with her. She's even gotten me to buy a couple dresses. I don't know if I'll ever wear them, but hey, I wore shorts didn't I?

September 7, 2011 ; Jesika Williams

"Jesika!" I heard my mom holler up to me. "You have company."

"Just have them come up here." I told her as I put my journal away. No one needed to see what I wrote in that. I heard a knock on my door. "Come in," I called out and turned coming face to face with Justin. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry Jesika." 

"Really, because thats what you said last time." I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

"I know. Do you want to do something today?" He asked.

"How about you start by telling me why you were such a jerk to me at your house when you invited me over?" I asked him. I wasn't going to back down.

"Caitlin called and she got me upset."

"So talking about it was that bad? Justin I've opened up to you more than I have to anyone because I thought I could trust you. But apparently I can't because you can't even trust me." I told him and he came closer to me and pulled me down on my bed.

"No I do. I just don't want to hurt you."

"So what do you call ignoring me? If you say its for my own good you should seriously just go."

"Jesika. I'm sorry. I know I'm a terrible person. But please, forgive me." He was practically pleading so I just shrugged.

"Fine." I told him. It was going to be a trial basis. I can't keep going through this with him. It isn't fair to me and I don't have to take all that. 

But you will, because you like him. You'll let him come in and out of your life over and over before you cut him out. The thought came unbidden to my mind. I shook it off. That was so not true and I knew it. Everyone knew I didn't like him.

"So do you want to do something?" Justin's voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Like what?" I asked him.

"Well, we could…" He trailed off. "There isn't really a whole lot to do. We could walk around until we find something." He told me.

"Sure." I answered back. So we walked out of my room and out the front door just to silently walk around. 

We ended up at a park where I saw Chaz, Ryan, Claire, and Blake. "Hey guys." I said walking up to them.

"Oh hey Jes." Claire came and hugged me. She always did that when she saw me. Really when she saw any of her friends. We hung out with them on the swings and slides like we were kids again.