I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Nineteen: Justin

I haven't seen Jesika in a while. I think she finally gave up on me. I've only been ignoring her for the past week and a half but whatever. I don't really want to talk to her because I know I'm just going to end up hurting her. But I also feel like I'm just going to explode with having my mom tell her I can't talk to her because I do want to talk to her but I don't want to mess up and say something stupid to her. Like I did at the amusement park when I told her it was her fault Caitlin and I broke up. It wasn't her fault and I knew that, I still know that and yet I told her that. I'm so stupid sometimes.

August 31, 2011 ; Justin Bieber

I've mostly been in my room the past week. I haven't wanted to go anywhere really, just because I didn't want to run into Jesika somewhere. So I kept having the guys come over to distract me, not that it did much good because she was still the only thing on my mind. But they got me to not feel as bad for a while.

Ryan had come over today and we decided to play video games.

"So, I hate to bring this up because I know how much you're trying to keep it out of your mind, but what are you going to do about the whole Jes situation. You're not really going to keep ignoring her, right?" Ryan asked me and I lost my concentration and died in the game.

"I don't know man. You know I want to talk to her and I know I want to talk to her. But I don't want to hurt her."

"You realize that by ignoring her, you're still hurting her, right?" Ryan asked me and I looked over at him. I hadn't really thought of that. 

"She's told me she doesn't want me in her life before so I figured that it wouldn't matter." I told Ryan honestly. I really didn't think about it hurting her that I was ignoring her. I thought she'd see it as I was getting out of her life like she wanted me to.

"Justin, just because she says that, doesn't mean its true." Ryan told me. "Girls are complicated. Sometimes they say something to see how much you care." 

"Well, thats annoying. Why don't they just say what they mean?" Ryan rolled his eyes at me. "So by ignoring her, what exactly is that telling her? That I don't like her?"

"Pretty much." Ryan nodded his head.

"But what if she really doesn't mind that I'm not talking to her?"

"She wouldn't be trying to come see you if she didn't."

"But she stopped."

"Only because you keep making up excuses for her to not talk to you. Just talk to her already."

"I don't know."

"Call Christian. He's been hanging out with her a lot lately." Ryan told me so I grabbed my phone.

"Christian, you need to get over to my house like now. I need to talk to you."

"Alright, but I can only stay for a bit. I'm staying at Jesika's tonight." He told me and my eyes widened. 

"Fine." I told him and we hung up. Ryan and I kept playing video games until my mom hollered up to tell us Christian was here. He came right upstairs.

"So what do you need?"

"How long have you been hanging out with Jes?" I asked him. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"A couple of days. This is the first time she asked me to stay over but I told her I'd be back in a bit." Christian answered warily. "Why?" He asked.

"Has she said anything about me?" I asked from my bed and he looked at me strangely. 

"If you want to talk to her, do it. Don't use me to get information from her." He started turning to walk towards the door.