I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Jesika

Dear Journal,

Justin and I have actually been talking and not fighting for over a week. Its surprising really, but I know it won't last. 

Claire and Ryan are finally together. We all thanked them for that because now they've stopped complaining about how they didn't think the other liked them. 

We've all been hanging out pretty much every day after school. On the weekends I was actually out all the time. It was nice to have a life again. I finally put everything with Dad behind me. I know he'd want me to be happy so I have to do that for him and in most ways I am happy.

I'm happy that I finally have people I can call friends.

I'm happy that I'm not a total outcast anymore.

I'm happy that I've finally put the past to rest and let go of things out of my control.

I'm happy that I've found someone I actually like. Yes I've finally admitted that I like Justin. I can't exactly deny it anymore. Letting him back in after he's hurt me numerous times, thats the only explanation and everyone knows it. I just wouldn't admit it out loud and as long as I kept it to myself, it wasn't real.

Jesika Williams ; September 19, 2011

"Jesika, come on." Justin called out to me after I got out of school. I didn't know why he was here.

"What are you doing?" I asked him.

"We're going to try watching a movie at my place again. Alright?" He asked me and I nodded. Well there goes whatever we have now.

We got into his house and I prepared myself because I knew how this would end. He stood up to put a movie in the player and then he came over to me.

"Before this starts, I have something to tell you."

"Alright." I replied cautiously.

"Caitlin and I are together again." Justin told me and I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

"Oh." It barely made it out of my mouth before I was standing. I had to get out of here, now. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have with him. "I think I'm going to go home. I have homework and chores that I have to do." I told him.

"Jes wait."

"We can talk later." 

"Jes." He grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me back into his room.

"Justin I don't want to talk about this." I told him.

"You don't even know what I'm going to say." 

"I don't need to. Just be happy with Caitlin."

"Its not like you and Blake aren't getting close."

"What are you even talking about?" I asked him. I don't think of Blake like that.

"I saw you guys laughing on your balcony and holding hands."

"I was getting him to stop tickling me!" I yelled at him.

"Jes, I still want to be friends with you. Lets not fight. Caitlin told me she was going to try to make peace with you."

"Yeah, because she hasn't said that before." I mumbled sarcastically.

"You know what, whatever Jesika. Just leave like you wanted to. If you aren't willing to try with her then I don't know what to do."

"Me not willing to try with her? Are you being serious right now?" I asked. "I tried the whole summer to be friends with her and she was just a jealous bitch." I said and my eyes widened. I hadn't meant to say that, or have it come out like that. "Justin, I'm sorry."