I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Twenty-One: Justin

(A/N Extra update because I got a comment about this on my tumblr! So if you are out there reading this anonymous commenter, this is for you! Thank you for telling me you like this)

I have the second leg of my tour coming up at the end of the month. I need to fix things with Jes by then but I also haven't told her I was leaving. I haven't told the guys either because I don't want them to say something to her. She has a lot going on right now, with school starting in a couple of days and everything. I do need to fix things with her though because I feel bad that I've been ignoring her all this time. But she's had Christian to hang out with. 

I wonder if Chaz has told her about his feelings yet and if she's happy or upset about it.

September 1, 2011 ; Justin Bieber

Today was a work day. I was going to be in the studio all day long with Scooter going over track listings and finding songs and writing songs. I also was recording a bunch of Christmas songs because I was putting out an album Under The Mistletoe on the first of November. 

I had a pretty busy schedule but this is what I had wanted for so long and I wouldn't give it up for the world. 

The tracks were coming along great and I couldn't help but wonder what everyone was up to between takes of songs. Scooter had confiscated my phone because I had been paying too much attention to that and not enough to recording so I couldn't even text anyone.

I was still trying to find a way to make it up to Jes. What I had been doing to her was wrong and I didn't think she should forgive me but a part of me wanted to be selfish enough to have her forgive me. I had acted so wrong towards her and I couldn't even believe myself.

"Justin!" Scooter called out and I blinked, coming out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"The music was playing for like thirty seconds and you didn't even start singing." He told me. "Come on kid, we have to get this done if you want to get it out there."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just a little distracted. Can we take a break from recording? I feel like I could write fifty songs right now." I told him honestly. He agreed and I went and sat in the studio and took out a pencil and started scribbling stuff down. "When do I get my phone back?" I asked.

"Once you finish recording this album." He told me and grinned.

"Scooter," I started, dragging out the "ooo" in his name. He rolled his eyes at me. "I just wanted to text the guys." 

"You need to stay focused. And I'm sure thats not what you wanted to do." He told me. "How're things with you and Jesika?" He asked. 

Yes, I told Scooter about my problems. Its kind of what happens when he asks me why I'm so distracted. "Things with me and Jesika make a volcano erupting on a town look like a good thing."

"Still haven't talked to her, have you?"

"I don't know what to say to her! She's so different from every other girl on this planet! I never know what to tell her and I don't want to make her more mad at me than she already is. Its like I'm walking on egg shells but most of them are already broken and I have to pick up the pieces with a sledge hammer without breaking them more." I slumped in my seat and, out of all the things he could have done, he started laughing. I turned and glared at him. "I don't see whats so funny." I told him.

"You are. You say how much you like this girl and how close you guys were and now its as if you don't even know her at all. I feel like everything you've told me you've gone through with her was a lie. Just talk to her. That seems to be whats worked for you before, why not try it again?"

"Because every time I talk to her, I spit out some stupid thing and it makes her furious or upset or she gets this look on her face like I just killed her cat in front of her."

"She has a cat?" Scooter asked and I glared at him.

"No, and thats not the point."

"Justin, just take a deep breath buddy. You'll fix this."

"Can we just get back to work?" I asked him. He grinned and nodded and I got back into the sound box to sing some more.

I don't remember how many takes of each song we went through but by the time I took another break, my throat was on fire and my stomach was grumbling at me. I chugged a full water bottle before heading out of the studio to grab some fast food. I really didn't care that it was bad for me at the moment, I was just really hungry. I hadn't eaten breakfast and it was a little after one in the afternoon so I was starving.

I ordered my food and sat at one of the outside tables. The chilly September afternoon air hit my face and nipped at my nose. I was people watching as I ate my food when my eyes landed on a familiar face. 

Crap. What is Ty doing here? Don't see me, don't see me. I couldn't help myself from slouching in my seat trying not to let Tyson notice me. Yes, the Tyson that is Jesika's brother. The Tyson that hates my guts right now and probably wants to see them on the outside rather than the inside where they belong.

"Justin?" I heard his voice.

"Hey." I called out, sighing in the process. He took a seat in front of me and I waited to hear him yelling at me but he just sat there, staring. "Whats up?" I asked mostly to break the silence.

"Nothing too much." I nodded and took another bite of my food.

"How's Jes?" I asked.

"You don't get to ask about her." Tyson's voice went from easy-going to hard and cold at the crack of a whip.

"Right, sorry." I told him. I pretty much lost my appetite at this time and balled my bag up to throw it away. "Well, I should get beck to the studio. Scooter is waiting for me."

"Listen Justin. You hurt Jes and I probably won't ever forgive you for that even when she does. I'll always hold that over you. But whatever it is you did, you need to fix it because she's hurt. She really cared about you and I'm sure she still does but you hurt her. I don't know how anyone could still want to hurt her."

"Its not like I meant to!" I snapped at him. "I would never purposely hurt anyone, especially not Jes! I don't know why you think I meant to do it! And obviously I want to fix whatever it is I did to her! I don't need you telling me how bad I messed up every five fucking seconds! I understand completely without your help!" 

"Good, because to fix it you need to understand. You also need to understand that I'm her big brother and I will do anything to protect her. And I can promise you one thing right now; if you hurt her again, I will rip your fucking balls off and feed them to you." With that, Ty walked away. Leaving me angry, upset, hurt, and scared at the same time, he just walked away like nothing ever happened.

I stalked back to the studio and picked up right where I left off. 

We kept working until almost six and I ate a little food and went back to working. We didn't stop until I finished around midnight. 

By the time I got home, I was so tired that I just crashed in my bed, not even bothering to change.