I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Thirty-Three: Justin

I don't know why I didn't tell her I was leaving, but I didn't and I would have to own up to that. I kissed her and then I told her I'd see her and when she goes to find me, I won't be there. I won't be there until the middle to the end of October. We only have a few stops for this end of the tour, two in Mexico (three concerts), three in Brazil (five concerts), and one in each of Argentina (two concerts), Chile (one concert), Peru (one concert), and Venezuela (one concert) and then I'd be back.

October 1, 2011 ; Justin Bieber

The first two shows had gone by really quickly. I hadn't talked to Jes since I left but she's left me voicemails. I haven't listened to them because I know it will make me want to call her and if I call her its going to make me want to go back home. I should have told her that I was leaving. She's going to be so mad at me when I get back. If she even talks to me. I don't know what I'm going to say to her. I honestly don't know. I could tell her that I'm sorry, but she's heard that from me over and over again. 

But she's going to understand because she knows how important my fans are to me. I wouldn't be where I am without them so she'll understand. It might take her a little while to understand but she will.

I can only imagine what she's doing right now. I hope Claire is with her. That girl always makes Jes feel better no matter whats going on. I just hope Claire can help her with this. Maybe I'm overreacting and she won't be mad at me at all. Maybe she'll understand and think I forgot to tell her or forgot I was going on tour. Maybe I should just answer her calls.

"Justin, lets go. Get on the bus." Scooter called to me and I nodded. We had to go to the next stop of the tour.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I called out and walked to my bus. I got on and went right to my bunk. My phone was like taunting me because it kept lighting up. Jes must be home alone. She usually calls all night long and I sit there and feel like a jerk for not answering. I know I should check the messages but I don't think I could be prepared enough for what she's going to be saying to me.

I decided I really couldn't put it off any longer so I took out my phone. I had four voice messages from her and over twenty missed calls. I entered my passcode so I could hear the messages. 

The first one started out with a couple seconds of her breathing and then her voice came out. "I don't know why you left without saying goodbye. I don't know why you kissed me and then left. I really don't understand Justin. I really don't." The message ended and the first thing I noticed was how sad her voice was. I did that to her. I hurt her. 

The next one, it sounded like she was crying. "Why won't you answer your phone? I don't understand. What did I do?" I couldn't do this. I couldn't listen to the rest of them without calling her back. I would try to listen to the rest of them later. I was hurting her so bad by not doing this but I can't comfort her over the phone. I can't do that and I don't want to say something and make it worse. I need to talk to her in person. I need to explain to her that I couldn't tell her I was leaving, but I didn't really have a reason. I didn't have a reason to lie to her either about seeing her the day after we kissed.

I decided to play video games to take my mind off of all of this. Naturally, it was a shooting game so it required my full attention and that was alright by me. This I could handle, this was safe. 

*****

We were on the last few stops of the tour and I'd be home in about a week. That was good. That gave me something to look forward to. I still hadn't listened to Jesika's other voicemails so before my second concert in Argentina, I brought my phone out. I dialed into my voicemail and typed my code.

The message started out very quiet. "Justin, I… I miss you a lot and I shouldn't because you left but I can't help it. I thought you really cared. Why couldn't you just tell me you had to finish your tour. I would have understood." She paused and I could hear people in the background. There was a door opening and closing, like she was in a bathroom. When it was quiet again she spoke. "I keep feeling like you aren't really gone but are just planning some sort of surprise but I know thats crazy because I saw that look your grandfather gave me when he told me you were gone. Just gone, like you weren't coming back. For all I know, you aren't." The message stayed for a couple seconds before it clicked off. 

I hurt her so bad. She's hurting. She's still hurting and I can't do anything about it. I've been a coward for just ignoring her.

The last message started out and all I could hear were quiet sobs at first. "Justin. Why? Why did you leave? Do you know what you've done? Answer your damn phone!" She actually screamed into the phone and I heard her cries again before it clicked off. She was crying over me. I have to talk to her. I have to.

"Justin, are you even listening to me?" Mom pulled me out of my thoughts and I looked at her. "Give me your phone."

"What? No. I have to call Jesika."

"Give. Me. Your. Phone." She put her hand out for it. "Now Justin." I put my phone in her hand. "Theres only a week of this tour left and you need to be prepared which means you have to listen. And if you can't listen and have your phone, I'm taking it away. You can have it back in two days. Alright."

"Mom, I have to call Jes. I didn't tell her I was leaving."

"You'll think of that the next time you ignore your responsibilities. Justin you wanted this and now you have it so you have to deal with that. Scooter has called to you like ten times. You need to go to soundcheck."

"Can I have my phone back?" I asked and smiled at her.

"Go." She pointed toward the door and I stomped out of my bus. I needed to call Jes.

Instead, I found myself on stage going through soundcheck, which took way too long. Not to mention I was very impatient for these next two days to go by because I needed my phone back. I can't believe I got my phone taken away just as I was about to call her back.

She's seriously going to hate me, if she doesn't already. She's already stopped calling me. She hasn't called for over a week. I hope Claire is helping her through this, otherwise I don't know what she'd be doing. I bet Ty really hates me now.

Soundcheck and the concert went by fine. I was getting my phone back after my next concert in Chile. I had a full day of riding on the bus, it was about a seventeen hour drive to Santiago from Buenos Aires. That time I mostly spent playing video games, eating, and sleeping.

The two days lasted too long for me to handle but finally I had my phone in my hands and I looked at it. No missed calls, no texts, no nothing. She had given up. But I hadn't. 

I brought her contact up and clicked the button that dialed the number and waited.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

Four.

"Hello?" Her voice was so small. It sounded so sad. It just about broke my heart.