I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Eleven: Jesika

Dear Journal,

I told Justin everything. After Mom told Pattie that stuff about Dad, I was getting back to that place again. I wasn't myself and I couldn't hide it. Its only been a day and I know Justin was going to keep asking about it. But shockingly, it feels good telling someone. I told him stuff that no one even knows about. I told him how I felt and I haven't opened up to anyone. But he was there, and I needed to do that. I needed to let it out somehow. I just, I needed that and I'm really glad that I did. I feel a lot better talking about it.

August 18, 2011 ; Jesika Williams

I started talking and I couldn't stop. I told Justin everything I could remember. I even answered his questions when he interrupted me. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but it was relieving. It was like I took a huge weight off my shoulders now that someone knew. I was happy that someone knew. I was happy that it was Justin. He's been trying so hard to get to me and now he finally did.

He left me alone after I told him everything, he probably just went downstairs. I climbed out of my bed and grabbed a pair of purple skinny jeans and a black t-shirt. 

I went into my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My face was tearstained and my eyes had red rims. My cheeks were blotchy and my hair was a mess. I decided to wash my face first. Then brushing my teeth, I took my sweatshirt off. I really wanted to shower. I put my toothbrush back in its holder and took the rest of my clothes off and turned on the shower. I wouldn't be long, just, I needed to be clean. 

Once I was out of the shower, I pulled my clothes on. I used my towel to dry my hair as much as I could and then I gave up and used my blowdryer. I brushed it out and put it into a ponytail, leaving my bangs down. I looked in the mirror again and the blotchiness and the red was mostly gone. I brought my dirty clothes back out and put them in my dirty clothes basket. I sat on my bed for a minute gathering my thoughts.

Was Justin going to think of me differently now? Was he done trying with me since he knows what he wants now? Maybe I shouldn't have told him everything so quickly. 

All my life I've been a very shy person, not speaking up when I should have. That was multiplied the day Dad died. I wouldn't open up to anyone. I shut down on myself and I wasn't ready to open up again. I hoped I gave Justin enough answers today and he stops asking about it. But I don't want him to give up on me. A thought came unwanted into my head. 

I shook it off and took a big breath of air, gathering all the courage I had left and walked out of my room.

"Caitlin! Calm down, its not a big deal. Just let me explain." I heard Justin as I was walking down the stairs. "Its not even like that and you know it." He was keeping his temper, I could hear the strain in his voice. He wanted to yell but he was holding that back. "Just come over and I'll explain. Caitlin please." He paused for a minute listening. I was standing by the entrance into my living room and he was pacing back and forth. I didn't even think he knew I was there. "Bring them with you. I'm sure its not a big deal. I'll be at Jesika's, no ones at my house." He sighed very audibly. "Caitlin, stop being so jealous. Let me explain before you freak out on me." He dropped down onto the sofa. "Alright. I'll see you in a little while." He hung up his phone and threw it to the floor and groaned. I didn't know if I should say something or just wait. Maybe he wanted to be alone.

"Everything okay?" I asked from the doorway. Justin turned and looked at me.

"Looks like we made the news." He rolled his eyes. My eyes widened in surprise.

"Come again?" I asked when everything registered in my brain. He used his index finger to make the come here signal to me so I walked into my living room and over to the sofa next to him. He pointed at a page of pictures of the two of us and an article titled Justin Bieber's New Mystery Girl, the pictures were from my birthday. I looked at the pictures, one was him holding the door open for me, one was of us in the alley, he was holding my hands, and the last one was of us walking out of the restaurant in front of Ty, Pattie, and my mom. I looked over at him and he was staring at the floor where his phone was. 

"So I open a door for you, and we're suddenly dating." His voice was monotone. There was absolutely no emotion.

"And Caitlin's mad." I stated.

"Very."

"She hates me." I told him leaning back in the sofa and he arched an eyebrow at me.

"She's scared of you." He told me and I squeezed my eyebrows together. Scared of me? What? "She thinks you're going to take me from her."

"Did she say that?" He nodded. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"I will be as soon as I sort all of this out." He ran his fingers through his hair. I wasn't sure what to say. "So, you don't mind that I invited Caitlin, Christian, Ryan, and Chaz over, do you?" He asked me. I shook my head.

"Of course not. I want you to explain to her that we aren't dating. She doesn't need to hate me for nothing." I shrugged. 

"Okay thanks." I watched Justin look around the living room and when he stood up from the sofa, I knew where he was going. Ty's guitar was sitting by the television stand. "Who plays?" He asked.

"Ty." Justin picked up the guitar in his hands.

"Lefty?"

"We both are." I shrugged.

"Me too." Justin smiled and came back over to me with the guitar. "Can I play you a song I'm working on?" He asked me. "I want to get some feedback."

"I don't know anything about music. I haven't purposefully listened to it in four years."

"Thats perfect. New sound, new ears." He smiled at me and started strumming on the guitar. "If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go, I'd keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone, and I can be a gentleman, anything you want, if I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go, I’d never let you go." He sang while looking right at me. I had to admit he had a really good voice and I found myself blushing at the lyrics. He smiled at me and finished strumming on his guitar. "So what do you think?" He asked.

"Its really good." I smiled at him. "Not that I know what your previous sound was."

"Eh, look me up sometime." He smiled putting the guitar on the table.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that," I smirked. "You know, when you aren't trying to be all over me." He raised his eyebrows smiling at me.

"Oh really? All over you?" He asked and he was leaning closer to me with his hands out in front of him.

Before I knew it, he was tickling my sides and I was squirming beneath him trying to get away. I ended up kicking his knee and he fell down landing on top of me. He picked himself up and tickled me while straddling my legs. I squirmed and he lost his balance landing on me once more. We ended up just laughing together and when he sat up his eyes went wide. I lifted myself onto my elbows.

"What the hell is going on here?" I saw Caitlin with her hands on her hips. I pushed Justin off me and moved out from under him as fast as I could.

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