I Did This To Me (Justin Bieber)

Chapter Thirty-Two: Jesika

Dear Journal,

I never should have let myself fall for a guy I knew wasn't right for me. I knew I should have kept to myself and never let them in. Justin flat out told me he lied when he said he liked me. I don't know what I was thinking. It hurts a lot. It hurts more than I should let it. Claire is helping me and she's basically stayed at my house for the past week. 

No I haven't dropped out of school, I still go everyday but its the same motions and the same people. I talk to Ryan, Blake, and Claire mostly. Chaz still talks but he's still kind of avoiding as much contact with me as he can. But thats still getting better. Claire won't let Justin talk to me, but he's tried. He's been trying so hard. But I can't talk to him because then everything would come out and I don't want that. I don't want him to know how stupid I was for thinking he liked me and then how stupid I was for falling for him. Blake and Claire were both coming over tonight for a movie night. 

Blake has been really good all through this. I know why Claire and him have been best friends forever. I really do. Whenever Claire takes time to hang out with Ryan, Blake always comes to the rescue. I'm not as close to him as I am with Claire and he's not as close to me as he is with Claire but I think thats okay. We're still friends and he still cheers me up. He knows whats been going on with everything and I trust him to know. Its weird how much I trust these people I've only known for two months. It feels like such a long time that I've known them but really I haven't. I knew Hali and Kayden way longer than that and I still don't trust them that much.

Speaking of Hali, we still haven't really talked since the day I yelled at her about being such a bad friend to me. I honestly don't think we can get past that and I think our friendship is pretty much dead. She hasn't tried to talk to me either so I think thats okay.

September 27, 2011 ; Jesika Williams

The bell that signals the end of school finally came out over the speakers. Claire had gotten a car and her license finally, so I no longer took the bus. Blake and I always rode with Claire since we all lived so close. Today was no different. 

After I put my stuff in my locker, I had made sure to finish anything I had for homework so I had nothing, I walked over to Claire's locker and we waited for Blake. "Is he still trying?"

"Every day." I rolled my eyes. "You'd think he'd take the hint by now." I told her.

"Seriously, does he just not understand what he did to you?" Claire asked and I shrugged. Blake came around the corner laughing at something that neither Claire or I had decided to ask about because we saw Ryan and Chaz with him and that wasn't something we wanted to find out about. 

"We're crashing your movie party." Ryan said as he threw an arm around Claire and kissed her temple. She looked at me as if she was asking permission.

"The more the merrier." I shrugged. So Blake, Claire, and I got into Claire's car and Ryan and Chaz were in Ryan's car. 

Once we were in my room, I closed all the curtains and grabbed the stack of movies I had in my room. Something kept tapping against the doors to my balcony so finally I stood up to go look. Justin was sitting on his windowsill with a bag of m&m's and he kept throwing them at the windows. 

"He's got to be kidding." Claire was beside me looking out too.

"Just ignore him." I told her and shut the curtain again. 

During the second movie I could hear the m&m's hitting the door faster and everyone kept looking at me. I finally stood up and walked to the door, opening it, I glared at Justin. "Would you stop?" I shouted at him. "We're trying to watch movies and you're ruining our night."