Loves Me Not

*REVISED* Chapter Nineteen

"I haven't seen you in nearly 3 days," Ellie whines into the phone.

I close my eyes as I lay sprawled on my bed. "But we've FaceTimed and talked on the phone like, every single day. You'd think we were in a relationship with how much we talk to each other."

Ellie laughs from the other end of the line, the sound of her TV playing loudly in the background. "But that's not the same! We've shared a room at St. Bart's for the past two years! When you're gone it's like a piece of me is missing. Come over so I can be complete again!"

I can just imagine her pretending to swoon, the back of her hand pressed delicately to her forehead as the other hand is pressed to her heart. I bark out a laugh as I call her a drama queen.

"Nah, but on the real, what do you want to do today?" She asks.

"Um... I need to go to the hair store to get supplies to redo my hair before break is over."
"Okay, if we go to King's Beauty Supply we can stop by the mall and do some shopping."

"Ooo that sounds fun," I reply as I get up and start to pad over to my closet to find something to wear.

"Perfect I'll be there in 30," she states before hanging up.

I jump in the shower to start getting ready, rushing through the routine I skipped this morning, and am just pulling on my shoes when my phone vibrates consistently. I answer it with a hurried, "I'm coming!", before hanging up and running downstairs and out the door with my keys, wallet, and phone shoved into a cross-shoulder bag.

I lock the door of the empty house behind me before I hop into the passenger seat of the black Buick Verano idling at the curb. I relax into the leather interior, the new car smell enveloping me immediately.

"You got all dressed up for me?" Ellie smirks as she eyes my grey leggings and black peacoat.

"You know I had to look sexy for my boo," I wink as I toy with one of the kinky strands of the poof at the top of my head.

She laughs as she puts the car into drive, chatting nonsensically as we navigate to the freeway and start heading toward Albany.

I try to focus on what Ellie is saying, but my mind keeps drifting off to focus on Jeremiah. What is happening with us? What should I do?

I contemplate asking Ellie for advice, but I know I can't. She doesn't know anything about my relationship with Jer, and I don't think it would be best for it to start out with "I fucked your brother and now things are awkward between us". I should have gone to her as soon as it happened. It's too late to confess now.

I think back to that night in August; reminiscing on the burning touches of skin on skin and the erotic sound of our intermingled moans in the air.

What changed?

Was it because, after our bodies were separated and the serenity of sleep nearly overwhelmed us, I whispered that I loved him? Or the flash of anger that overwhelmed me when I woke up in that strange apartment all alone? No, it had to be when we saw each other next, and he pretended that the whole thing never happened.

I clench my teeth as I force myself to think of something else, anything else. And for the first time in days Charlie pops into my mind. I wonder why he still hasn't texted me. I toy with my phone, wondering if I should text him and wrap myself up in another distraction.

Just like you did with Dustin? My mind taunts, forcing me to see the truth of my actions. You tried to play him just like Jer played you. You aren't as innocent as you want everyone to think.

I force those thoughts away, unlocking my phone and tapping out a quick message to Charlie.

My phone pulses to life a few minutes later as Ellie pulls into a parking spot in front of King's Beauty Supply. I fight the urge to check my message immediately, instead following Ellie into the story and browsing the aisles for merchandise.

"How are you going to do your hair this time?" Ellie asks as she walks ahead of me. I take the opportunity to check my phone.

"Same as always," I murmur as my eyes flit across the screen.

I frown at the message, wishing that there was more conveyed in the brief text. I put my phone away as I grab the braiding hair I always use, as well a deep conditioner.

"You sure you don't want to change it up?" Ellie asks as she toys with some neon colored hair. "Try something new! You can always take it out before we go back to school in January."

I consider the idea, my eye falling on some ombre hair that is black at the roots and slowly transitions into a silvery white at its tips. My fingers trace over a pack of eccentrically blue hair, but I shake my head as I turn away. I don't need new right now. I don't think I can handle any more changes.

We check out and are on our way to the mall in no time. I chat with Ellie about when I should do my hair but before we know it we're pulling into the parking lot of the Crossgates Mall.

Ellie quickly finds a parking spot and we get out of the car. We hook arms as we head into the mall. I'm almost bouncing with excitement by this point. I've been begging Mom to take me shopping so I can get some new clothes, but she has steadily refused, insisting that my standing wardrobe is sufficient. And it didn't help that she didn't give me any money to go shopping today so I'm stuck with the dwindling amount of money in my bank account, but at least I can look around and pretend I'm rich. We wander through the first level of the mall, stopping at Burlington Coat Factory to browse through their junior's section.

"Have you done any Christmas shopping yet?" Ellie asks as she leafs through a rack of shirts.

"Not yet. I should really get a jump on it though. Last year I waited until the last minute and I ended up getting everyone shitty gifts."

"Yeah, that ugly sweater you got me is still in the bag in the back of my closet! You'd have been better off just getting me a gift card," Ellie laughs as she holds up a silky, quarter-sleeve white blouse. "Yay or nay?"

"I thought that sweater was super cute! If you think it's so ugly give it back and I'll wear it!" I laugh as I study the shirt for a second and then frown. "I like the idea of it, but no. Maybe something a little brighter?"

"Good advice," Ellie agrees as she renews her search for a more noticeable top.

Neither of us finds anything we particularly like so we leave the store empty handed and head up to the second level. We make a beeline for Forever 21, jumping from rack to rack as we try to find the best deal. I settle for an amazingly cheap green army jacket while Ellie gets a blue oversized sweater.

We make a few more stops at Charlotte Russe and GAP before we head to the food court to grab lunch. We're waiting in line at Sbarro when a chirpy voice catches our attention.

"Ellie!" An energetic ball of brown hair and blue eyes launches herself at Ellie, clinging to her midsection as she beams up at her.

"Addie!" Ellie reciprocates the little girl's hug, with an easy smile plastered on her face and smugness in her eyes.

I can't help but stare down at the young girl, shocked.

Wait...

If she's here, then...

"Hey Kaiydeen."

I look up into a pair of alluring blue eyes. Oh sweet baby Jesus.

Fuck me.