Loves Me Not

*REVISED* Chapter Twenty-eight

I don't know what time it is.

Frankly, I don't care.

The sun set hours ago. And all I've done is lay on my bed, watching TV. I don't know what's playing though.

Frankly, I don't care.

It takes all of my energy just to keep my eyes open, blinking every so often. I don't move. I try not to think. I just want to go to sleep. But for some reason I can't.

Maybe it's because I've been drifting in and out of consciousness since I got home. Or maybe it's because I have other things, other people, on my mind. I prefer to think it's because of the former. I hear the door to my room squeak open. I don't turn to see who it is.

Frankly, I don't care.

The sound of light footsteps comes toward my bed. I feel the bed sink in as someone lies down next to me, curling against my back.

"Are you awake?" Ellie whispers.

I sigh to acknowledge her question, although that is the only sound I can muster.

"What happened?" She asks, just as quietly.

This time I remain quiet. I don't want to tell her about what happened with Charlie and I can't tell her what happened with Jeremiah. So I'm forced to continue my silence, waiting until I am alone again.

"Archer told me that he had to pick you up from the city this morning. What were you doing way out there?" She strokes my hair sticking out of my ponytail leftover from this morning, gently detangling the knots that formed while I was sleeping.

I remain quiet. The noise from the TV echoes throughout the room. Why did I put myself in this situation?

"You know you can tell me anything right?" She murmurs as her fingers continue to root through my hair.

"Please ju--," I whisper, the rest of my words getting lodged in my throat. I want her to help me, just hug me until I'm solid again and then tell how I can avoid this shit in the future. But I can't ask her. It's too much.

Her fingers pause for a moment before she returns to sifting through my tangles. She doesn't say anything for a while, quietly lying next to me. My phone vibrates from my bedside table. I make no move to check it, already knowing who the message is from, like all of the other vibrations that have happened throughout the day. Different messages all sent by the same person.

I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to anyone.

Ellie reaches over and checks my phone for me. She looks at the screen briefly before setting it back down on the dresser.

"Charlie," she whispers, snuggling tighter against my back as she wraps one arm around me.

I close my eyes against her whispered words, unable to stand the visions flashing across my pupils. But the faces start to blur together so much I can't even tell who I'm thinking about. Which one hurt me? Which one was it?

I pray for unconsciousness, something to help dull the pounding.

"It's okay," she holds me tighter; almost stringing the pieces back together. "You can tell me about it another time."

She begins to softly hum a lullaby her mom would sing to her whenever she had trouble falling asleep. I fall asleep listening to the melodic sound of Ellie's voice.

●●●

"Okay. That's it!" Ellie throws the blanket off of me. I immediately curl up into a ball in response, burying my face into one of the many pillows surrounding me.