Loves Me Not

*REVISED* Chapter Forty-seven

I step out of the cab onto the corner of West 113th street and Broadway. I look around to get my bearings, my eyes glossing over the sparkling signs to the various restaurants and the great concrete pillars of the public library as I walk up the street to one of the brownstones on the right hand side.

I stand nervously in front of the 4-story brownstone. The green door is ominous in front of me, daring me to ring the buzzer that will signal that I'm here. But I don't even have to press anything as a trio of girls exit the building laughing, holding the both the main door and the foyer door open for me to enter.

I smile at them graciously as I step onto the parlor floor, my gaze drifting around the warm brown wood under my feet and the faded red brick that make up the walls. A thudding bass makes me cast my eyes to the stairs around the corner; one of the other tenants must be having some type of party.

But I force that out of my mind as my eyes look at the scratched black door of Jeremiah's studio apartment right in front of me. I stare at the gold number and letter combination on the door, an uneasy feeling developing in my stomach. I raise my hand to knock but then drop it back down to my side, any remaining bits of courage fleeing me body.

"Shit," I whisper to myself. Now that I'm here I don't know what to do.

Another group of college coeds laughs their way down the stairs and out the building, letting in a couple of students I hadn't noticed waiting outside. I smile sheepishly at them, pretending there is nothing abnormal about me standing outside of a random apartment. But they don't pay any attention to me, hurrying up the stairs and out of view.

I turn back to stare at the door. I guess I should knock. But I honestly didn't think I would get this far. I raise my hand to knock on the door only to drop it down by my side again.

Oh god why am I here? This is a mistake. I shouldn't be here. I should just leave right now.

Yeah, I should leave.

I'm about to turn and exit when I hear the door open to the apartment down the hall. I look over to see a guy step out, his eyes immediately finding mine.

"Oh," He says, surprised to see me standing there. I look away, hoping that he'll continue on his way.

"He's not there," he calls out. I look over at the man, trying to figure out if he's talking to me.

"I'm sorry?" I ask, hoping he'll repeat it.

"You're looking for Jeremiah, right?" He asks tilting his head to the side so his shaggy blonde hair falls onto his forehead.

"Yeah, umm..." I swallow nervously, wishing I had left when I had the chance.

"Yeah, he isn't here right now." He smiles politely at me. "He's at the party our neighbors are putting on."

My face drops when I hear he isn't here.

"Oh," I say, kicking at the scuffed floor under my feet. "Well... Thanks then." I turn to face the way I came in when I am stopped by his voice again.

"The party's literally upstairs. I'm heading up there now, if you wanna come." He scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "I mean, he'll be there so you can go see him, if you need to."

"Yes please," I practically whisper. I clear my throat and repeat my answer. "That'd be great, thanks."

He nods as he shuts the door to his apartment behind him and starts walking to the stair case. I scramble after him, trying to shorten the distance between us. As I start to climb the stairs my stomach turns in knots, quivering as we step closer and closer to Jer.