Loves Me Not

*REVISED* Chapter Forty-four

I've been standing in front of the fridge for the past 5 minutes; staring at everything, yet nothing at the same time. Honestly, I don't even think that I'm hungry. My mind is occupied with so many other things than food right now.

Or maybe I am hungry.

I kind of just feel empty inside. It has been about 5 hours since dinner. It would make sense that I'm hungry. So why is it that I haven't been able to stop thinking about Jeremiah since he stormed out of the car? I look over at the clock beaming brightly from the display on the oven.

1:00am.

Damn, it's even later than I thought. That's probably why my mind is racing with all of these uncontrolled thoughts. This always happens when I stay up this late with this many things on my mind. I sigh as I start to look over the contents in the fridge again.

I should probably eat something.

I mean, it's not like I'm limited in my options. The fridge is fully stocked with almost everything I could want at the moment. But I still find myself shutting the door and meandering over to the pantry. I flip on the light and step inside, staring blankly at all the goodies covering the shelves.

I wonder what Jer's doing right now. I haven't seen him since we got here earlier this evening. Maybe I should use this opportunity to find him and try to explain what happened on New Year's.

But what would I say? I'll tell him that I shouldn't have chosen Charlie. That I know exactly what I want now.

Maybe I should just grab a sleeve of Oreos and call it a night. Or maybe Chips Ahoy? I grab both of the boxes in my each of my hands and stare at them, struggling to make a decision.

My eyes lose focus as I start think about more than just which treat I should indulge myself with. I should just tell him the truth. I'll tell him that nothing happened between Charlie and me on New Year's. I was just trying to figure out what the hell as going on and by the time I finished talking to him Jer was gone. I tried to find him. I spent half an hour searching the house. When I couldn't find him I locked myself in the bathroom in my room and started calling him. And messaging him. But he wouldn't answer.

He still won't answer.

What the fuck was I thinking? Why didn't I just stay with Jer? What was it that kept drawing me back to Charlie?

Thinking back to everything that Jer said to me in my room on Christmas, it's like I just threw all of his words back in his face with a laugh. How could I be that careless? That stupid and heartless?

I look back down at the boxes in my hand. I should just make a decision and head back upstairs. I mean, they both have chocolate in them, so I really can't go wrong with either choice, but still...

I hear footsteps enter the kitchen and the slight creak as the fridge door opens.

Ellie must have woken up and come down to get something to eat as well. I exit the pantry, still staring at both of the boxes in my hands. I look up as I draw in a breath to ask Ellie what I should eat, but no sound escapes as I see she isn't the one rummaging through the fridge.

I see Jer standing a few feet in front of me, staring at all of the food I was just looking at a few moments ago. I watch him silently for a few moments, taking in his relaxed posture. My heartbeat grows more erratic as I try to figure out what I should do.

Maybe I should say something.

I mean, now is the perfect chance; I practically have him cornered. I can just lay all of my cards out on the table and, most likely, face his complete and hostile rejection. Or maybe, I can sneak out of the kitchen quietly and go stuff my face with as many Oreos—and to be honest the Chips Ahoy too—as I can just to make myself feel better.