Loves Me Not

*REVISED* Chapter Forty-five

I can't stop staring at the ceiling as I lay on my bed. I haven't moved for the past 12 hours, not since I got back to my dorm early this morning. I couldn't stand to stay at Ellie's house for one more minute after what happened last night. After I picked myself up off the marble tile I walked back upstairs, grabbed my duffle bag and called a cab. I took the first train out of Rensselaer back to the city. Once I got into Penn Station I took another cab back to campus.

Now I've just been lying on my bed. I haven't had any reason to move. Some show is playing on the TV in the background, but I can't focus enough to see which one. A buzzing sound captures my attention. My head rolls over slowly to see my phone vibrating on the dresser next to my bed. It's been vibrating on and off all day long and from my position I can't see who's calling. I mean, I wouldn't answer it anyway, but I would at least like to know who I am ignoring this time.

My phone stops vibrating for a minute only to start back up again. I continue to stare blankly at my phone, unwilling to move from my spot on the bed to check who it is. All of a sudden someone starts pounding on the door to my room. I lazily shift my focus to stare at the locked door. I watch the doorknob jiggle as whoever it is attempts to open it. Maybe it's the person calling me. Well, they'll go away eventually. Maybe I'll let them down enough so they decide to leave too. This wouldn't be the first time that has happened.

"Kaiydeen, I know you're in there!" I hear Archer call from the other side of the door. "I can hear you watching repeats of Futurama. Open the door!" He starts to bang on the door again.

I frown in slight confusion as I try to figure out why Archer is here. He never comes to my school. Especially on a Saturday night. I start to hope that if I don't answer the door long enough he'll give up and go away.

"I'm not leaving so just let me in!" He yells as he continues hammering away at the door. "I'll get Mrs. Adams to come do a Welfare Check if I have to!"

I finally drag myself out of bed and pad over to the door. I open it partially and peer out through the crack. "What're you doing here?" I ask, my voice gruff from lack of use.

"Ever hear of picking up your phone?" Archer grunts, not bothering to answer my question.

He instead uses the gap in the door as his opportunity to barge into my room. He pushes his way past me and walks inside with a plastic bag full of white take-out boxes in his hand, looking around like he's never been here before.

"I feel like we haven't spent any time together in months." Archer kicks off his shoes, dropping the bag of Chinese food onto my bed as he jumps onto Ellie's. "I didn't have anything planned tonight so I figured we could have some quality sibling time."

I stare blankly at him as he relaxes back into the pillows. I quietly shut the door and shuffle back to my bed, lying down in the same exact position I assumed when I first entered my room this morning. I return to staring at the ceiling as Archer grabs the remote, flipping through the channels as he tries to figure out what to watch. We continue that way in silence, Archer finally settling on some show as I gaze up unfazed at the ceiling.

I'm not sure how much time passes. I've been trying my hardest to keep my mind blank, focusing on the chipped paint on the ceiling as I try not to think about anything else. Because I can't think about Charlie or else I'll get mad. And I can't think about Jeremiah or else I'll start crying. My focus is suddenly interrupted by my unwelcome guest.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm starving." I see Archer sit up out of the corner of my eye.

Standing up from Ellie's bed and grabbing the plastic bag by my leg, he pulls out a carton of something along with a plastic fork. I don't move from my sprawled out position on my bed. Archer taps something against my leg. I lazily roll my head over to see what he wants. An open of carton of chow mein with a fork sticking out of it sits next to the spot he just tapped me at.

"Eat," he commands, shoveling a forkful of Kung Pao chicken into his mouth.

I frown at the carton of food next to me. Before I'm able to tell him that I'm not hungry, my stomach growls loudly.

Archer glances over at me with the fork half raised to his lips. "Don't even try to tell me that you're not hungry or that you don't like Chinese food. I may be oblivious to some things, but I did just hear your stomach and I know what your favorite food is."

I sigh as I sit up on the bed and reach over to grab the take-out box. I automatically scoop out a bit and fork it into my mouth. I stare blankly at the TV as I continue to eat. I frown as the empty fork scrapes the roof of my mouth. My eyes flick down to the carton in my hand. It's empty.

Did I eat that whole thing?

I look up to see Archer just staring at me; watching silently.

He doesn't say anything as I put the take-out box down on my bedside dresser and return to lying down on my bed. I can feel his eyes still on me, but I don't care enough to try and figure out why he's really here or who sent him. I hear him sigh quietly and the squeak of the mattress as he gets off of Ellie's bed.

"Scoot over," he grunts as he tries to lie down on the bed next to me. I slowly move to the left, giving him enough room to sprawl out on the bed. Archer spreads his arms along the headboard as I take the pillow from under my head, fold it in half, and place it on his shoulder so I can curl into him.

Instead of staring at the ceiling this time I stare at a poster nailed to the wall on Ellie's side of the room. It's one of those stupid motivational posters. I remember the day we got it. We were shopping in downtown Albany during spring break last year and we ducked into this cute little thrift shop. Ellie laughed as she pulled this poster out of the clearance bin in the back of the store.

"Shit happens. Act tough. And get over it." Ellie laughed even harder as she read the philosophy it preaches. "This is perfect Kaiy! We have to get it!"

I rolled my eyes as I followed Ellie to the register to pay for her new treasure.

I reread the words now as I lay next to Archer. How am I supposed to get over it?

My bottom lip starts to tremble as I continue to stare at the poster. I brought all of this on myself. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought that everything was black and white, and that were who they said they were. But I was wrong. And now I have to face the consequences of my actions. Tears start to leak into the pillow as I begin to cry for the millionth time within the past 24 hours.

"It's gonna be okay, KD." Archer pats my back when he feels my shaking shoulders.

I don't say anything in response, burying my head deeper in the pillow.