Loves Me Not

*REVISED* Chapter Thirty-four

The first thing I feel is a hand stroking my hair. The repetitive motion gently leads me out of my slumber, disturbing my sleep in the most peaceful of ways. The scent of Cocoa Butter and Amber wafts besides me, stirring in the air with each stroke. Before I even open my eyes, I can tell how worried she is. Her hand lingers after each touch, tickling my scalp with each passing graze.

"What happened baby?" Mom's soft voice breaks the comfortable silence in the room.

I sigh as I try to slough off the confusion that comes naturally with waking up. I stretch as much as I can while my head is still cradled on her lap before wrapping my arms around her waist. "Nothing Momma."

"No, something is going on. Jeremiah was worried sick about something. Ellie and Archer won't tell me anything. I want you to tell me all of that yelling and those slammed doors were about!"

Where should I start?

Mom still doesn't say anything, the pressure of her hand on my head increasing slightly. I wait to see if she is willing to drop it and she waits for me to tell her, so we sit together in anticipatory silence. I start to question whether or not I want to tell her anything that happened, because Mom is one of the sweetest women I know, but she doesn't play around when someone messes with one of her babies.

I remember when the school board in East Greenbush tried to say that my brother wouldn't be placed in the advanced class in elementary school and Mom took him to three different institutions to get independent testing and then threatened to sue when they still wouldn't put him in the class. That's the main reason they even sent him to St. Bart's.

If I tell her what I think Jeremiah did she will never let me date him, even if it turns out to not be true. So I hold my tongue, trying to make it seem like it's a petty high school squabble and nothing serious. But that doesn't stop the image of his body on top of hers from flashing before my eyes.

I shake my head as I realize I have to say something, so I say the smallest truth I can think of. "We just got into the big argument at the mall today. I was with Jer and some girl came up and started calling me names for being all over Jer, because I guess she was his girlfriend. But he said they weren't dating or anything."

The air is tense between us as my mom tries to decode while I'm really mad. "I'm just mad that he put me in that situation."

She pauses briefly before continuing to caress my hair. "Have you talked to him about this?"

I shake my head silently, averting my eyes.

"Kaiy baby, avoiding this boy is not going to solve anyone's problems. Besides, it will be darn near impossible since you practically live at his house!" Mom stops smoothing my hair and puts her hand under my chin, forcing me to look at her. "You are an intelligent, beautiful young woman, but you need to start learning to deal with your problems head on like a grown up."

"It's not as simple as that though!" My bottom lip trembles as I stare in Mom's eyes, although she properly sees a fire in mine.

"I know it's probably not," she relents with a nod of her head. "Nothing ever is. But time passing only makes it harder to manage."

I nod silently, hoping that my lack of words doesn't signal for her to prod more. She doesn't respond, so I hope she is thinking up some wise advice instead of trying to figure out what I could be hiding.

"I know you think that you aren't running from your problems this time, but it will be better if you just talk it out with Jeremiah instead of prolonging it. Just go talk to him. Whether this ends in your favor or not, you should deal with this right now."