Loves Me Not

*REVISED* Chapter Forty-eight

I refuse to look up. I don't want to see his face. I don't need to see the surprise spelled out across his features, marred a little bit by fear. Why did I come here?

I should have just finished dinner with Charlie and went home to my dorm to watch Netflix while trying not to cry into a pint of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. Or maybe I could have gotten Karamel Sutra Core. Or I could have just played it safe and stuck with Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Ooo or be adventurous and try a different flavor.

"Kaiydeen?" Jer repeats. I peek through my fingers to see a pair of bleached white high tops in front of me.

I slam my fingers closed, blocking off my view. Maybe if I don't say anything he'll think I'm a statue and he'll go away. A single finger taps my shoulder. My head snaps up at the sudden touch. I see Jeremiah bending down slightly in front of me, checking to see if I'm okay. He's much closer than I thought he was going to be. I lean into his proximity, but he straightens up and takes an immediate step back.

"What are you doing here?" He asks as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his black joggers. I stare at his plain black tee unable to make eye contact.

"I, umm, I th-thought—" I trail off, unable to answer him.

"You thought what?" He asks gruffly.

I thought maybe he could give me a second chance.

"I thought—" I try again, still unable to finish. I stare down at my hands, embarrassment coloring my cheeks.

Judging from what I saw in there I guess I thought wrong.

"Want me to call you a cab?" Jeremiah turns back to the street without waiting for my answer, preparing to flag down the next taxi that passes by.

"That's not what I want," I whisper so that only I can hear. My eyes widen as I realize what that means.

"No, I want you Jer." I repeat a little louder.

I launch up from the step and grab his hand that is barely within reaching distance. "I love you."

"No, I don't think you do." Jer's eyes soften as he looks back at me for a moment longer than necessary. "I think you should go back to your school. The subway is down that way." He points in the direction of the subway entrance.

"I don't even care that you were just kissing that girl!" I exclaim, grasping his hand firmly as he tries to pull away. "Call it a mistake or an accident or whatever you want! I forgive you, please let's just start this thing back u—"

"It wasn't a mistake," Jer interrupts, sighing loudly as he pulls his hand from mine and runs it over his hair. "Or an accident, or whatever you want to call it."

I gape at him, all of my words bunching up in my throat.

"You really don't understand what's going on, do you?" He laughs humorlessly as he paces away a few steps only to turn around and come back even closer than he was before. "Kaiydeen, whatever was going on between us isn't going on anymore."

"I know I messed up," I explain. "I know I made a mistake bu—"

"No you didn't make a mistake Kaiydeen!" Jeremiah explodes into my face. "You made a choice! And now I made one too. So just, go home, okay?"

"No!" I yell back. "I'm not leaving until we talk about this!"

"There's nothing to talk about," he groans exasperatedly, practically pulling his hair out by the roots. "There's nothing left."

He looks at me intensely, his pupils shaking with unreleased emotion. "There's nothing left."

My chin trembles as I stare at him silently for a moment. "You're lying," I whisper brokenly.