Just Let Me Love You

Twenty Nine - Robelyn Simon

Christian Harrison Romano

"Hoy Ice! Wait lang!"

Hindi ko pinansin si Robbie na tumawag sakin. Wala akong pakealam.

Nagtuloy-tuloy lang ako sa paglalakad papunta sa male rest room. I always keep my hands in my pocket, to reserve them for Crim and not for other useless things. Pero ngayon I keep them in my pockets para di ako makagawa ng kahit anong kagaguhan, para di ako makapanakit. Dammit I'm too furious inside I couldn't just show it. Mas pinipili kong panindigan yung pangalan ko at magwalang pakealam nalang sa nangyayari.

Bigla nalang naramdaman kong may humablot sa sleeves ko at hinarap ako sa kanya. Nagpatianod lang ako kaya't napatingin ako sa kanya. She was catching her breath sa ginawang paghabol sakin.

"Bingi ka ba?!" Inis niyang sigaw sakin habang hinihingal padin.

I was still expressionless. I just couldn't afford to express something I'm not currently feeling. So I remain indifferent.

"May utang kang paliwanag sakin ha," she threatened me once she was able to breathe properly. "Ayaw niya kasi ikwento sakin ano nangyayari eh," she pouted. "Kesyo personal struggle niya na daw yun, pero kahit na! Best friend niya ko eh."

She seemed really upset about Crim not opening up to her. But me telling her our situation right now won't make her feel any better, that I'm sure of.

Atsaka, she wants to know why Crim has been acting like that lately. Para namang alam ko? Ang alam ko lang, she's distant towards me. So I don't push myself to her.

"Ice!" Inis niyang tawag sakin.

Kinunotan ko lang siya ng noo. "What?"

"Bakit ganon si Crim? Ano ba kasing nangyari?"

"Why should I tell you?" Balik ko sa kanya. Although hindi ko din naman sure kung bakit siya nagkakaganon.

She grunted so loud. "I swear to God I will castrate you right now kapag hindi mo sinabi sakin nangyayari sa inyo."

Jeez, pareho silang magbest friend na may obsession sa junior ko.

"Bakit mo kailangang idamay yung--"

"Sabihin mo na kasi!" Singit niya sakin. Nakalukot na yung mukha niya sa inis.

Fuck, girls are so nosy. Nakakainis.

Of course except for Crim. She has never nagged me. Hindi ko siya nakitang mamilit at mangialam.

I glanced at Robbie once more and sighed in defeat. "Fine. Para manahimik ka na," pitik ko sa noo niya. Agad niya naman yun ginantihan ng isang suntok sa tyan. Shit, amazona talaga sila. Kainis

**
"Bakit?"

Kanina pa siyang ganyan. After I told her that this change of treatment happened after we heard the results, paulit-ulit niya nang tinatanong sa kawalan kung bakit daw ganon ang nangyari.

Like what I told her, hindi ko din alam.

Bumaling agad siya sakin. "Ehh bakit iwas ka din sa kanya?" Medyo naiinis din yung tono ng boses niya.

I shrugged. "Because I don't see her promise happening." I said. "She told me nothing will change after we hear the results. So I expected she'd be glad now that she's ranked 1. I mean, I am proud of her. Ito yung ginusto niya noon pa. But when I saw her frustrated that morning, inisip ko na gusto niya parin na mawala ako sa buhay niya now that she thinks she's able to kasi mas mataas na siya sakin."

I looked at her. "Naiintindihan mo ba ko?" Tanong ko sa kanya kasi nakatitig lang siya sakin.

"Oo," she rolled her eyes at me. Kelan pa to natuto magtaray? "Eh bakit ka kasi nagiisip ng ganun?"

"Kasi nga, isipin mo ng mabuti ha. She promised nothing will change, so that means, the rankings wouldn't matter anymore. Pero hindi pa pala. The ranking totally affected her. Ibig sabihin, she still considers the idea of totally shutting me out of her life because she finally got the highest rank."

Nalungkot siya sa sinabi ko. "Sa tingin mo ganun nga yun?"

I sighed. "Wala namang ibang interpretation yung mga kilos niya diba? See? You noticed it. Iwas siya sakin. She's probably taking the idea of rejecting me drastically. I'm just making it easier for her."

Napasandal siya sa pader sa likod niya. "Bakit kayo nagkakaganyan?"

Sumandal lang din ako. "I'm still hoping she keeps her word though, because I know she does."

"At patuloy ka lang na iiwas? Tingin mo maayos ang lahat sa pag-iwas iwas mo?"

Napailing ako. "Ako nanaman ang mali," bulong ko sa sarili ko. "As if I wanted this, Rob."

"Why not try talking to her?"

"For what?" Napatawa ako. "Just to hear my world shatter around me as she, once and for all, completely rejects me? I'm not that of a masochist to do that, Rob."

Isang batok ang natanggap ko na sagot sa kanya. "Man up and stop being a pussy Ice," madiin niyang sambit. Napalingon ako sa kanya. "If it leads to your rejection then so be it. Accept her decision. Wag kang magpakaduwag."

"And if you say that you just want to protect yourself from pain from her rejection, then what different are you from Crim? Na iwas din ng iwas sayo thinking she'll get hurt. How can you say you'll get hurt when you haven't even tried doing it? Malay mo yung kabaligtaran pala yung mangyari, tapos manghihinayang ka nalang kasi sana noong umpisa palang ginawa mo na yun kasi maganda pala yung kalalabasan."

She faced me. "Better do it to have no regrets. It's harder to live with regret than pain. Pain may change you but regret will totally devour and consume you leaving you with more misery and anxiety."

I kept silent.

"Please Ice, ayaw kong ganyan siya ng dahil may kung anong gulo sa inyo. It hurts me seeing her like that. Please, fix it you two."

I had the urge to hug her at di naman siya nagpumiglas pa."You know what, sometimes I think what did I do to receive these kinds of friends. Thanks Robelyn Simon"

Agad kong naramdaman yung mabigat niyang palad sa likod ko. "May problema ka sa pangalan ko, ha?"

I released from the hug and saw her smug smile. I patted her on her head. "You should get yourself a guy."

Agad niya namang hinawi yung kamay ko at inayos-ayos ang buhok. "No I don't." Umiwas siya ng tingin. "I don't want."

I shrugged and leaned on the wall once more. "Why is that?"

Biglang lumungkot yung mukha niya. "Because I see no point on having one."

I just looked at her and saw her wipe her eye.

"Hindi palang ngayon. You'll get over that, don't worry."

Inirapan niya ako. Kingina talaga tong si Robbie. Umiirap-irap na ngayon.

"Kelan ka pa natuto magtaray?" Untag ko sa kanya.

Sinimangutan niya ko. "Ewan ko sa'yo. Wala namang akong ginagawa," saka siya umirap uli. May binabagayan pala ang pag-irap. At di bagay kay Robbie ang umirap o magtaray dahil hindi siya talaga mataray.

Napangiti nalang ako.

"Thank you Rob," I said.

"I knew you'd be stoic. Nahalata ko eh. You suddenly went extremely quiet and indifferent." She answered.

Tumayo na siya at tumingin sakin.

"So," she asked. "When are you planning to do the talking with her?"

I smirked. "I'm very much tempted to do it now." Saka ako tumayo na din. I patted her head once more, "Thank you talaga, for not giving up on me."

"You two are worth it, wag ka nang magdrama pa dyan."

She laughed saka naunang umalis. I watched her leave.

I sighed as I thought that I have to face her very soon. I endured not being with her for quite some days and that was just like then end of me. Tama si Robbie, I should make the first move. Ako ang lalaki. And I'll make sure that everything will be fine. I have to..