Just Let Me Love You

Thirty Two - Usapang Love

Beige Crimona Samaniego

I woke up feeling a lot better. Magaling na ako, ramdam ko. Tulog at pahinga lang ang katapat ko. Naka-ubob nanaman si Ice sa tabi ko. He still hasn't left yet. But I saw that he's already wearing Yvan's clothes.

I got up of bed careful not to wake him. Wala na din yung kirot ng ulo ko, thank God. I'm going back to practice tomorrow.

I checked the time and saw that it's already 2:37 in the afternoon. I wanted to wake him and tell him that he can go home now that I'm perfectly okay, but I'm feeling guilty trying to wake up such peaceful sleeping face.

I tilted my head side wards to get a better view of his handsome face. I was very cautious not to wake him as I sat on the floor beside him and rest my head on my bed too. He was breathing heavy, a sign that he is in deep sleep.

Kausapin ko kaya to ng tulog? I bet he won't hear.

"Ice," I called him though I know he won't answer.

"Thank you ha?" I smiled. "Ang galing mo palang doctor. Gumaling agad ako, akalain mo yun."

I twirled some strands of his hair on my finger as I continued to talk to him.

"Thank you for being always there for me. Thank you for constantly reminding me that I am also capable of being loved..."

I smiled sadly before I finished my statement. "And of loving back."

I closed my heart to the idea of me being able to love and be loved back. Hindi nga naman siya natupad. Because he reversed my fear. He loved me, and I am unsure of loving him back. Like what I said, it's too soon to say that I love him. I want to give ourselves some more time.

I got my hand back and studied his face while resting my head.

To be honest, one reason kung bakit ko pilit na pinipigilan na ma-fall, is because I don't know when to say that it is love. That's why this morning, when he said he loves me, I wondered, how can he say he loves me? Were there signs? Were there factors considered? Or is at all gut feel?

"How were you able to say you love me?" I whispered.

I don't know how being in love feels that is why I don't want to totally admit to myself that I also like Ice. I don't want to confuse myself love with a deep feeling of infatuation because in the end, it'll be Ice who'll get hurt.

I sighed. How did things shifted so differently? Back then, I was happy just to beat Ice since he was better at me in all things, I like seeing him lose. But now, I wouldn't want to hurt him. I'd rather endure and control myself than to end up hurting him.

They say that when you love someone, you put their concern first before yours. Could this be? I am putting Ice's feelings before my personal desire to see him sad?

I shrugged the thought off. I don't want to think about that. I just want to stare at his handsome face and admire how good looking he is.

I was busy staring at him when I noticed a faint movement on the side of his lips.

"If you wanted to stare, you could've just asked," saka siya dumilat at ngumisi sakin.

Napaiwas agad ako ng tingin at panigiradong namula nanaman. Napalayo ako sa kinauupuan ko at napatayo sa sobrang kaba. Shit! So narinig niya lahat ng sinabi ko? Napatayo ako sa kaba at tumalikod sa kanya.

"W-what are you saying?!" I screamed. Masyado yatang napalakas yung boses ko it sounded too defensive. "And who's staring?"

Nilingon ko siya and he was already resting his head on his hand as he placed his elbow lazily on my bed. "You," ngumuso siya sakin.