Turning into a ghost

70 11 3
                                    

One
head between my hands I cry
knife at the ready like a sward to a ghost
one swing but I pass right through

two
I deserved this label

three
I didn't say no

four
he touched me

five
worthless waterfalls
of tears
of blood
are unavoidable

six
I shiver in this snow disguised as shame I gave it

seven
doubt of what he thinks
do I care what he thinks?
of course I care about
his hands that touched me
tongue that tasted me rage
but moved right past this hole
yet berried himself in it
wanting the goals that only he can get

eight
because I didn't say no
label me now
brand me
sell me
put me on clearance
I'm just a toy

nine
fake nails
pretty girls
reach the peak of pretty
try for
long legs
skinny no matter the moon that always mocks me
must be perfect
makeup
cover all
or be sentenced to
death of social status

ten
try to keep hidden
dirty shots
eyes that always hide
secrets are passed around like hot potato
and its broadcasted
never know what of your only privet life is still safe
you loose track
its all gone now

eleven
bleach blond bitches
must meet their cruelty or stay unnoticed
have there chest and point a light up sign at it saying
come take me
I
am
worth
nothing
but
my
body

twelve
that's all guys see
they take the bait
the light up sign is all there eyes can withhold
we say yes out of strictly politeness
Girls are quiet gentle proper
we have been raised to
SAY YES
trained to be submissive
like at circus lion
freak show drop out
take us

thirteen
boys dominate our bodies
we are there puppet and they make our strings dance how
THEY WANT
give our all to them
bow our heads to their dicks
because we are there to make them forget
the last worshiper
the last victims
the last puppet

fourteen
beauty is superficial
fake hourglasses remind us that time is a burden

fifteen a friend is the enemy
and an enemy is you slice
of skin
of hell
of making your life worse than theirs
but that is only oblivious

sixteen
throw me on the street
wrapped in nothing but a towel
leave me there
every girl
walk out with out a comment
goodbye
piece
of
trash

seventeen
these thoughts of who I need to be
are
me.
all I have
All i need if I want to survive this war
battle scars line my arms and waist like soldiers

eighteen
I surrender now.
label me
stare me down with better eyes
anything is better than here

nineteen
be them
breath them
become them
kiss him
SAY YES
never no
or die
broadcast my life so I spiral
lost in this charade that I am
cant get out of this
too big
easy
freak show
superficial beauty
I still try for
no good never good enough
body

and twenty when the transformation is complete
cut me up
ghosts don't feel.

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