Maybe It Can Be Real

Chapter 46

Ending of last chapter:

He rubs my back soothingly. "You're okay now," he says into my hair.

"It was Gale," I mumble.

"What?", he asks.

"Gale, Peeta. Gale was here."

****

He looks even more alarmed than before when I say this, his eyes widening and cheeks reddening, becoming protective over me. "He didn't say anything that hurt you, did he?"

"He did!", I yell. A fire that I've rarely seen ignites in Peeta's eyes at this. Only do I see this when he's greatly angered by something - which is not often. I can't tell you the last time I saw it. "No! I-I don't know!", I cry, burying my face into his neck.

I can't get my thoughts straight right now. No matter how hard I try, trying to gather my thoughts right now is like trying to grab smoke. Impossible.

He rubs his hands up and down my back, attempting to soothe me. Loud, choked sobs continue to escape me without fail; they're relentless, coming in nonstop waves.

One thought keeps running through my mind: I just lost my best friend for good. I know that even if I decided to forgive him and tried to restore our friendship, I couldn't. By sending him away earlier, I ruined something that cannot be mended - similar to a smashed vase. You can try to put the pieces back together, but it'll never be like it was before; there are too many little pieces that are broken.

Peeta isn't saying anything; I'm guessing he doesn't know what to say. I wouldn't if I was in his position. I can't imagine how I would feel coming home to see Peeta worked up over someone who loves him being in our house and talking to him.

Putting myself into his shoes, I suddenly get sick to my stomach. Oh my god. This must be a horrible feeling for Peeta! It would break my heart to come home to what he just came home to. With one arm still holding him close, I bring my hand up to his head, entwining my fingers in his hair.

Before I can say anything, Peeta speaks. "What did he say?", he questions gently.

I just shake my head and close my eyes, my face still pressed against his neck, my arms wrapped tightly around him.

Still crying, I reply, "I d-don't wanna talk about it."

He sighs and pulls away, leading me over to the couch. "Katniss," he pauses for a moment, sitting on the couch with his elbows resting on his knees. I sit down next to him, curling into a small ball. "Normally I'm fine with letting you do what you want to do, but this time I want you to tell me what happened," Peeta states sternly.

"O-okay," I reply while furiously rubbing my eyes to stop crying. I need to stop crying; I'm not a child.

"Thank you," he breathes out while leaning back into the couch.

Once I deem myself capable of speaking, I turn my body on the couch so I'm facing Peeta. I open my mouth to speak, but I falter at the last moment. I don't want Peeta to know that I was out getting my dress - how do I tell him that I ran into Gale in the town? Wait - didn't I tell Peeta I was going hunting today? I did, didn't I? I'll just use that.

I open my mouth again, this time words actually coming out. "I was coming back from hunting when I ran into him." I take a deep breath in through my nose, glancing away for a moment. "He asked if we could talk somewhere private, and I said yes. So I brought him back here. I wasn't really sure what he wanted, but I thought it couldn't be anything too horrible, you know?", I ask. Peeta nods in response. 

I continue my little speech. "When we got back, he said he wanted to give me answers to whatever questions I wanted to ask him. Right off the bat I asked him if the bombs that killed her were his. And he said he wasn't sure - so the whole thing was basically pointless because he should've figured that I would ask him that question.

"Anyway, I then asked him if there were any things that he regrets. He said that he regretted the bombs, destroying our friendship, and letting me go," I explain.

Peeta's jaw tenses. "'Letting you go'?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, I was confused at that too. I.... When he said that I got pissed off and replied, You never even had me in the first place!, and I felt absolutely horrible-"

"You felt bad?", Peeta interrupts. "Katniss, you have nothing to feel bad about in this."

I groan. "I felt bad, no one should hear that in their lives. He also apologized to me. I forgave him-"

Peeta interrupts again. "You did?"

My eyes dart away from him face. "Um, yeah... Am I not supposed to?"

He shakes his head. "It just takes a lot from a person to forgive other people - especially for what he did to you."

I sigh and lick my lips. "Well, I said that I forgave him, but that what he did wasn't okay. And it isn't, but I thought that I should point it out even though he most likely already knew that. He tried to get me to change my mind," I start tearing up again. I try to fight them, but I can't. So I let them fall. "But I didn't so I sent him away. That's when.... that's when I lost it," I whisper through my tears.

My eyes rise up to look at Peeta's. "Did I do the wrong thing?"

He sighs and rubs his eyes. "No, I don't think you did. It only matters if you think you did or not. It's up for you to decide."

I ponder that for a moment. Did I do the wrong thing? I mean, I was - for the most part - okay these past seven years without him. Then the day he shows up, I have a breakdown. Maybe he was poison in my life... I hope I did the right thing.

"I think I did," I whisper.

He rubs my knee. "Then that's all that matters."

"Okay," I barely say.

We sit in silence for a few minutes.

I think about things from earlier, and I realize that I was wrong. I said that I just lost my best friend, but that's a lie. I lost one of them seven years ago; I didn't lose one today because I didn't lose Peeta. And Peeta is my best friend now - no one can change that.

The last eight years my world has been a crazy storm with a million things flying around here and there, but one thing was continually constant: Peeta was always the calm center of the storm. Whenever I needed to find solace, I could look to him and find it. It's worth more to me than he could ever know.

"I love you," I blurt.

He smiles softly and cups my cheek, "I love you."

"And thank you for everything you do," I respond. "I'd go crazy without you."

Peeta shakes his head. He leans forward and kisses me on the lips, muttering, "No, you'd be okay. I promise."

I mumble back, "Don't lie to me. You know I'd be a mess."

He grins against my lips. "Yeah that's true. But hey, that means I get to kiss you everyday."

"Peeta!"

*************************************

Shoot straight and be brave my fellow lovelies,

Weezabeth <3