Maybe It Can Be Real

Chapter 14

ALL RIGHTS GO TO SUZANNE COLLINS. I OWN NOTHING.

ENDING OF LAST CHAPTER:

As I get pulled into sleep, in a faraway place, I hear Peeta whisper, "You mean the world to me. You don't know how much I love you."

I'm too far gone to say anything back.

****

I slowly wake up but don't open my eyes quite yet. I can feel the sunshine coming in from my window - it's warm on my face and bright through my eyelids. Peeta's arms are still wrapped around me, just not as tight as before. His breathing is still slow.

I don't move for a while because I don't want to wake him up. My eyes eventually decide to open, and I see spots in my vision at first. I rapidly blink and they go away. Since I have time to think to myself, I think about mine and Peeta's future.

I know, without a doubt, that he will ask me to marry him. Not for a while, but I know he will. We will never stop loving each other. We are both different in many ways, but we have also gone through hard times together. I can't think of another person I'd want to be with, and I don't think Peeta would be able to either.

But marriage means children. Sadly, I still don't want children. I know the Games are gone and the world is working to be a better place, but I'm still so afraid that they would get ripped away from me. I'm still scared that Peeta will be taken from me too. Rue, Prim, my father, Finnick, and a few others that I let into my heart aren't here anymore and it broke me into pieces.

Gale isn't here either. Anger courses through me, but I bury it deep inside and lock it away. There's no need for it to be here - Gale's gone and never working his way back in. He's done too many things that hurt me that he can't do anything to mend the relationship we once had.

At first it was just for a mutual need to survive. Nothing more. Then it developed into something more, a close friendship. But then it developed into even more, and it still leaves me a little perplexed today.

My thoughts go back to children. It's one of Peeta's dreams to have children. I can tell just by knowing his personality. It would be a gift that he cherished forever. I wish I could, but I just don't think I can give that gift to Peeta. He deserves a family and a wife that can give him that family.

"What are you thinking about?", Peeta whispers in my ear.

"Having children," I blurt out before my mind even comprehends what he asked. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't realize him waking up and what his question was. He freezes when he hears it, but quickly regains his composure.

"What're your thoughts?", he asks in a low voice knowing this is a sensitive topic.

"I'm sorry, but I still don't want them. I'm afraid that I will love them beyond compare, then they'll be taken away from me and break me," I whisper dejectedly.

"It's okay, nothing would happen to them. Their childhood would be so different than ours," he coos.

"I know but it's just a nagging feeling in my mind that won't go away," I tell him as tears brim my eyes.

Peeta pushes himself up onto his elbow and looks down at me. "Hey, it's okay. You don't need to cry."

"I'm sorry, I-I just want to give them to you, and I feel like I'm letting you down," I say softly while the tears gently flow down my cheeks.

He brushes the tears away with his thumb and says, "You're not letting me down! I'm perfectly fine with you loving me, nothing more."

I kiss his lips lightly. "I'm always going to feel like that, Peeta. You can't make me feel better about it."