Maybe It Can Be Real

Chapter 58

Ending of last chapter:

Standing up, I look into the mirror. My arms are already wrapped around my stomach. I don't even remember doing that. I'm already trying to protect the tiny human life inside me. Peeta stands up too, standing behind me and putting one hand on my stomach.

"The three of us are going to get through this one step at a time. Okay?"

Entranced by realizing that I am responsible for two lives now, I just nod silently.

The three of us.

****

Taking a deep breath, I turn the page of the book in my hands. I've found recently that reading helps calm me down, rather than rubbing my hands raw on the rope Finnick gave me oh-so-long ago. For the time being, it takes my mind off whatever else is bothering me. It works. That's all I care about.

Suddenly an enormous crash and wails of pain send me flying up the stairs, the book thrown to the ground. "Peeta! Rue!" Heart thumping, I run into Rue's nursery, where Peeta had been putting Rue down for a nap. When I get there, I see Rue lying on the floor, unnaturally still. Peeta, on the other hand, is pacing the room, pulling at his hair, and mumbling to himself. It's eerily silent - the cries of pain have stopped.

Running over to Rue, I gently pick her up, hoping to God that she's all right. After a moment, I can see that she is still breathing - barely. We - I need to get her medical help immediately. But... I can't just leave Peeta here like this.

"Peeta, whatever you're seeing, whatever is going on in your head, it isn't real," I muster as loud as I can. What else do I say? What in the hell do I say? Scrambling for words, I stutter, "It- don't- don't believe it. It's not real, it's not happening, it's not real, Peeta."

Looking down at Rue, I see that her chest is no longer moving. Oh my God. The tears cascading down my face, I start screeching hysterically, "R-Rue! Rue! No, no, no, no don't leave me! My b-baby please don't leave me!"

"Katniss?", I hear from another direction. With blurred vision, I look in the direction of the voice. "What.... what happened?", Peeta asks in a choked voice.

Seeing him steels something in me, changes something in me. Something that can never be changed back.

"Stay away from us," I whisper, a piece of my hair getting stuck in my mouth.

Peeta starts forward, reaching out as to touch my shoulder, or possibly Rue. Scrambling back and backing into the wall, I yell, "No! No! Don't touch us! Get away!"

The look of unbearable pain in Peeta's eyes kills me inside, feels like a knife digging into my heart. But it slowly fades away, slowly becomes one with the part of me that is no longer me.

Standing up, tripping over one of Rue's toys, I slowly back out of the room, not looking away from Peeta. "I want you out of my house in ten minutes," I say in a deathly tone, leaving no room for arguments. "Ten. Minutes." And with that, I run out of the house and toward the hospital.

****

Gasping, I look around me, expecting to see the interior of a hospital. Instead, I see my dark room, Peeta's concerned face looking at me with sadness and pity in his eyes. "It was a dream," I murmur, my hands shaking as they push my hair back from my face. Peeta rubs my back, which makes me jump at first, but then I relax into his touch. I lean my pounding head onto his shoulder, needing some kind of support right now. I know that I can't hold myself upright now, maybe not for a while. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me close to him.