bitter || zarry stylik

nineteen

"Um, Zayn? Zayn, sorry to bother you, but-"

Zayn jolts up out of bed, his eyes bleary and slightly wide with anxiety. "What is it, Harry? What's wrong, love?"

Harry stares down at a wrinkle in Zayn's duvet. "I, um, I've- I didn't mean to- I just-"

Zayn's face pales, and he takes Harry's hand in his. "My love, did you cut yourself?"

Harry looks like he's about to cry, but he nods. "I'm sorry-"

Zayn pulls Harry close, and rocks him back and forth gently, humming a little. "It's okay, Harry. It's alright."

Harry nods, and melts into Zayn's arms. "I almost didn't, but then it just happened, and I really didn't mean to, and I'm sorry."

"It's alright, love. Can I see?" Harry squirms uncomfortably, but nods, and stands up to roll down his shorts.

Zayn gasps as Harry pulls away the blood-soaked toilet paper, revealing four raw cuts on each leg. Zayn stands up, and reaches out to touch the sliced skin, but stopes himself just centimetres from the cuts. "Harry, why would you do this? What does this accomplish?"

Harry tugs up his shorts, winces as the fabric rubs his cuts, and shrugs. "I don't know. It just... helps. I'm not sure why."

Zayn leads Harry by the hand to sit beside him on the couch. "Okay, then let's figure out why it helps. Don't worry, I'm not mad. Just curious. And worried. I'm worried about you, Harry."

Harry looks so small, Zayn thinks maybe he might disappear at any second. "I'm sorry for worrying you. I'm just trying to stay afloat, you know? In a way, when I'm feeling really bad, it's like there's bread dough inside me, and it's getting bigger and bigger and its pressing on my chest, and the only way to let some air out is cutting myself."

Zayn smiles at Harry, and takes his hand in his. "Okay, Harry. That's a great metaphor. It sounds like cutting gives you a release, of sorts. Do you feel relieved afterwords?"

Harry nods shyly, and strokes the back of Zayn's hand gently. "Yeah."

"Then let's find something else - something safe - that gives you a similar release, okay?" Zayn squeezes Harry's hand a little, before picking up his pillow and handing it to Harry. "Here, try screaming into this."

Harry raises an eyebrow uncertainly, and slowly brings the pillow up to his face. He shouts into it, still unsurely, and looks up at Zayn, who nods encouragingly. Harry screams this time, and when he pulls the pillow away, he's smiling. "Yeah, that kinda helps, actually. Can we try something else? This is fun."

Zayn grins, and gestures for Harry to stand up. "Do you want to try some calisthenics?"

Harry shrugs. "Sure. What were you thinking?"

"Okay, let's try ten jumping jacks, and if that goes well, then we'll do ten squats, and some lunges, alright?" Zayn smiles at how adorable and excited Harry looks about this. "Let's do this."

Harry and Zayn begin with jumping jacks, which Harry seems to love, and soon they're finished with both the squats and the lunges. "Can we do more? I like exercise."

Zayn chuckles. "Let's take a water break. But if you like exercising, you should get a gym membership. or at least consult a personal trainer to design a fitness plan for you. Would you like that? I could help you organise that tomorrow-" Zayn glances down at his watch, and chuckles. "Actually, today. It's nearly three."

Harry blanches, and begins apologising profusely. "Zayn, I'm so sorry for waking you up-"

"Harry. Harry, it's really okay. I like waking up early. If you'd like, we can stay up and watch the sunrise. Do you want to?"

Harry smiles shyly, and nods. "Yeah, I'd like that. Id like that a lot." Harry's voice gets soft, so quiet Zayn almost can't hear him, but he thinks he can make out, "Not as much as I like you, though."