bitter || zarry stylik

forty-eight

So hii my loves 💖

FEEL FREE TO SKIP AHEAD

pictured above ^^ is pretty much the most influential and inspiring human being in my life. Her name is Cheyenne, and you can follow her on Instagram @goofy_ginger for body positivity and inspirational recovery stuff ✨

My boyfriend blocked me on Instagram out of nowhere and for seemingly no reason and now I just want to curl up in my shower and waste away and die so I'm feeling great all around

>> so in other words, I'm a really sad bean (sorry for the wholly unnecessary update on my personal life) ily guys so much

ANYWAY

Here are the songs to check out:

> it's you by zayn (holy sh this is so pretty)
> pulaski at night by andrew bird
> tangled up in blue by bob dylan
> the sea by swim deep
> tomorrow never comes by teddy geiger
> stone cold by demi lovato
> not today by twenty one pilots
> let's dance by david bowie
> you can close your eyes by james taylor
> outlaws by alessia cara
> trust by justin bieber (this one has got impressive high notes I'm screamin)
> bite by troye sivan
> beggin for thread by banks
> cecilia and the satellite by andrew mcmahon in the wilderness
> heart on fire by douglas booth
> once in a lifetime by one direction

-

Harry smiles, and cards his fingers through Zayn's hair. "Shall I play the film? Because we're in for a treat."

Zayn nods, places his hand flatly on Harry's thigh. Not sexually, he's just feeling a bit possessive. He wants everyone in the world to know that he's in love with the most amazing person in the world, and that perfect person loves him back. "Yeah, play it up."

Harry finishes off his wine, and kisses the top of Zayn's head as the opening credits start playing. He leans down close to Zayn, and whispers, "I love you. You're so strong."

He can tell Zayn is smiling a little, and he leans back so Zayn can rest his head on Harry's chest. Harry runs his finger down the soft fleece of Zayn's sleeve, sighs. "When is the food getting here? I'm famished."

Harry checks his watch, and strokes Zayn's hair softly. "Anytime now. Don't worry, Zaynie. It'll be here soon."

Zayn nods, and sits up. "I'll be right back. I'm going to grab a drink. You want anything?"

Harry doesn't like the idea of Zayn drinking to forget about Waliyha, but he doesn't want to make him upset, so he'll let it go. "Will you get me some more wine?"

Zayn agrees, and brings Harry's glass back to the kitchen. Harry pauses the film, and notices that Zayn's mug of rum and Coke is rather large. Zayn hands Harry his wine, and sits on the opposite side of the couch from Harry.

Harry frowns, and holds his arms open for Zayn to snuggle with him, but Zayn seems entranced by the movie screen. Harry's brows furrow, and he lets his arms rest on his lap. "Zayn, my love, are you okay?"

Zayn shrugs noncommittally. "I guess. I miss Waliyha. Harry, I miss her so badly. I never got to say goodbye."

Harry winces when he hears Zayn's voice waver, and reaches across the empty space between them to pat Zayn's knee, and kisses his hand softly. "I know, baby. I'm so sorry. No one deserves this."

Zayn nods pitifully, and wipes his cheeks with the back of his hand. "You always know what to say. I love you, Harry."

"Aw. Come here, baby. I'll cuddle the sadness out of you." Much to Harry's surprise, Zayn stays sitting where he is.

Harry frowns, and feels his arms grow tired from being held out for Zayn. Zayn's face remains a blank slate, but his eyes are so sad. "Harry, this isn't working. I think I need some air."

Harry nods, and stops the movie. He puts on his boots, and slips on a warm coat and a scarf. When he turns around to see if Zayn is ready, he frowns. Zayn has put only one sock on, and he's crying again. Harry rushes to his side, and wipes his cheek gently. "My love, we really don't have to go outside- Wait, let's just go onto the balcony. Sound alright?"

Zayn shrugs, and the only word to describe his face is true indifference. "Yeah."

This is really affecting Zayn. Reasonably so, but Harry is starting to get worried. Zayn has seemed to have lost interest in most things, and is having radical mood swings. Harry has experienced both of those symptoms at the height of his depression.

Harry knows that Zayn has every right to grieve in the way that best suits him, but Harry is beginning to think that Zayn is blaming himself. Harry doesn't know what to do. He 's just going to try to be there for Zayn, and hope for the best.

After all, what more can you do?