bitter || zarry stylik

thirty-four

ok this ones going to be a heartbreaking baddie, I apologise ahead of time :'(

also, potential trigger warning [suicidal thoughts and actions]

-

Zayn's breath hitches, and he tries hard to swallow the lump in his throat. "Harry, why do you do this to yourself? And why would you ever want to do this to yourself? Doesn't it hurt?"

Harry sits down with a sigh, and shrugs. "Hardly. The reason I do it is because it helps. It's the only thing that gives instant relief. I know it's not healthy, but it's the only thing that works, okay?"

"B-but what bout touching? I though that helped."

"Yeah, someone touching me, and listening to music makes me feel less bad, but cutting takes the pain away for the foreseeable future. All of it." Harry stares down at his white knuckles, and curses under his breath.

"But, Harry! Don't you realise you're hurting me?! Every time you cut yourself, you might as well be cutting me, do you understand that? If that's what it will take to get you to stop, I'll do it! Every time you cut, I'll cut." Zayn wipes a tear from Harry's cheek, and tilts his chin up a little. "My love, do you realise that if you keep this up, you'll soon be more scars than skin. I can't just sit idly by while you mutilate yourself and say it helps you, because it doesn't. It's making everything worse, Harry."

Harry slaps Zayn's hand away, and sobs, "How would you know?! He screams, before turning away and facing the wall.

Zayn grabs Harry's shoulder and spins him around to face him again. "I'm a psychiatrist, Harry! I know these things! I have a medical degree-"

"Well, your 'medical degree' is really helping us now, isn't it?!" Harry shouts, before slumping down on the bed with a defeated sigh. "I can't do this anymore, Zayn. I can't live like this. I need some air."

Zayn covers his mouth with his hand, and his eyes follow Harry as he steps out onto the balcony. Zayn watches as he runs a hand through his hair, and wipes his tears away. Zayn hates fighting with Harry.

A thought crosses Zayn's mind, and it makes him want to cry. Are they breaking up? No, Zayn assures himself. Harry must have meant something else. Surely the love of Zayn's life can't be leaving him. Zayn wipes a tear from his cheek, and raps on the balcony door. "My love, are-"

"I need to leave. I'm sorry. I'll see you in the morning." Harry brushes past Zayn, and slips on his coat.

"Wha- Harry, where are you going?! It's late! Harry, you can't just leave! You can't just leave me."

Harry turns around, and he kisses Zayn quickly, before his expression turns blank. "I love you. I'll see you tomorrow."

Harry turns on his heel and stumbled out of the apartment, but Zayn notices that his fingers are crossed behind his back. Zayn is about to follow him, but his feet won't budge.

Zayn has a terrible, but-wrenching feeling about this. He needs to get Harry back. He runs a hand through his hair, and sighs. What if Harry was crossing his fingers because he was lying about seeing Zayn tomorrow? What if he's going to try to kill himself? Zayn wouldn't be able to live without Harry.

Zayn feels his chest getting tight, and he collapses into the bed. He's going to lose the only person that matters in the world. He's going to lose his soulmate. Zayn's really starting to panic. He feels his breathing pick up speed, and his palms begin to sweat.

He pulls out his mobile phone, and quickly dials Harry's number. Harry picks up on the first ring, and Zayn can tell he's crying. "Hi, Zaynie."

Zayn chokes out a sob at how sad and utterly torn apart Harry sounds. "Harry! Come home! Please, don't go through with this. I need you- I won't be able to live without you. Please, I'm begging you, come back to me. I'll do anything you want."

Harry lets out a bitter laugh, but the raspy sound is marred by his tears. "Zayn, there's no hope for me anymore. You'll find a way to live without me. You'll be okay. I love you. Goodbye, Zaynie."

Zayn lets out a painful scream as Harry hangs up the phone. Zayn can feel the walls closing in, and he doesn't know if he's going to make it out of this one alive. If Harry does, Zayn truly believes that he will, too.

No, Zayn argues (with himself). This isn't about me. This is about Harry. I will stop at nothing to save him.

Zayn thinks back to the phone conversation, and recalls hearing sounds of the tube in the background. Harry's going to jump in front of the train.