bitter || zarry stylik

eighty

Harry stares down at Zayn's sleeping face, and then at his watch. It's nearly 3 am, but he just can't seem to bring himself to sleep. He's sad, and lonely, and he knows he should wake Zayn up because he could make him feel better, but he doesn't want to be a burden. He bites the inside of his cheek as he ponders whether or not to wake his boyfriend up, and winces when he tastes blood.

He decides to take a warm shower, and treat himself to that face mask he bought a few weeks ago. He turns the light on in the bathroom, and tries his hardest not to look in the mirror. He hasn't been getting enough sleep lately. He's been worried about Zayn. And it shows. His skin is dry and sallow, and his eyes are tired and dull.

He sighs wearily, and clenches his jaw when his chin starts to tremble. He doesn't want to cry, not right now. He's done enough of that for a while.

He turns the shower on, and as the water is warming up, he splashes some cold water on his face. He lets the drops of water drop down his chin and neck until the collar of his shirt is wet, and closes his eyes for a moment. He needs to breathe.

He takes a deep breath in, and lets it out as he opens his eyes. He slips off his boxers, and shirt, and frowns at his reflection. Has he always been this unsightly? He has so many imperfections, he thinks they're blinding. How could Zayn love such a disaster?

Harry decides not to dwell on the negative, and focus on taking care of himself. He dashes into the dim bedroom, and gets his shampoo and conditioner from his suitcase. With one quick glance at Zayn sleeping peacefully, he shuts the bathroom door and gets into the shower.

He must admit, the water is the perfect temperature, and the steam feels nice on his dry skin. It's lovely. As he runs his fingers through his hair to wet it, he hears a light knock on the door. He turns the water off, wraps a towel round his waist, and pokes his head out. Zayn stands outside the door, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Harry blushes, and suddenly feels bad. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry, Zaynie-"

Zayn pecks Harry's lips softly to quiet him, and hooks his finger under Harry's towel playfully. "Everything alright, kitten? Why are you up?"

"Couldn't sleep, and I felt like taking a shower. I need to wash my hair anyway. You can go back to sleep, love. I'm sorry for waking you up." Harry kisses Zayn's cheek softly, and prepares to close the door.

"Uh, can I do it? Wash your hair, that is. I've missed touching you."

Harry blushes, and feels his heart warm, but pretends Zayn's words don't affect him by chuckling. "Zaynie, we were just cuddling a few hours ago. And before that," Harry raises his eyebrows, and smirks, "well, you know."

Zayn laughs, but takes a bold step forward, and traces his fingers over one of the wings of Harry's butterfly tattoo. Harry shivers a little, and can't help but smile. "Okay, Zaynie. Come in."

Zayn smiles easily, and he brushes Harry's hair out of his face as he closes the door behind him. "Okay, lovely. Do you have your shampoo and conditioner?"

Harry nods, and turns the shower on again. Harry sits down in the bath, and pulls his knees to his chest. Zayn begins massaging the shampoo into Harry's hair, and feels the muscles in his neck relax. He smiles, and rinses out the suds. Harry's neck snaps forward suddenly, and Zayn leaps forward to catch him. Harry is asleep, it seems. Zayn pats his cheek gently, and tries not to notice how sharp his cheekbone has gotten. "Harry, love, wake up."

Harry squints his eyes closed tightly, before opening them carefully. "Um, sorry. Must have blacked out there."

Zayn smile falls, and he tries to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "What do you mean, lovey?"

Harry shrugs, and tries to push himself up so he's more upright, but his arm buckles under the pressure. His eyes widen, and he quickly pulls both of his arms to his chest. "Um, shit. I don't know."

Zayn's expression hardens, and he takes Harry's chin in his hand firmly. "Harry, have you been eating enough?"

"Uh, yeah-"

"What have you eaten today? List everything for me."

Harry looks like he's about to cry. "No, Zayn. Please don't make me do that. I've eaten so much. Please-"

Zayn visibly softens, and he strokes Harry's chin gingerly. "It's okay, angel. I'm sure it's not bad. Just tell me, okay, baby? Please? I'm worried."

Harry feels his chin tremble, and tears well up in his eyes. He blinks quickly, and wipes his cheeks roughly. "Uh, well, we had that toast for breakfast. And then, uh," Harry bites his lip to contain a sob, but once he feels okay to talk again, he continues, "some soup at the restaurant, and a few bites of sushi."

Shit. Inside, Zayn is panicking. What is happening to his precious baby? "Harry, is that all you've eaten today?"

Harry nods bleakly, a few tears leaking out of his eyes. "Yeah, I know. It's bad. I ate so much-"

"Yes, it is bad. You haven't eaten anything, baby. Your body is trying to tell you that it needs energy and nutrients. That's why you're shaking so much, and you're blacking out. Baby, Harry, my love, you're hurting yourself. Why wouldn't you tell me about this?"

Harry lets out a sob, and Zayn feels another piece of his heart break. He pulls a very wet Harry close to his chest, and rocks him back and forth gently. "Shh, it's okay. We'll be okay."

Harry cries pitifully into Zayn's shoulder, and his voice breaks as he tries to speak. "Zayn, i-it hurts. It hurts so badly."

Zayn strokes Harry's wet hair, and kisses the top of his head, clenching his jaw to keep himself from crying. "I know, Harry. I know it hurts. But we're gonna get through this. You'll be okay soon, angel. I know it hurts."