PHAN ONE SHOTS :)

Cuddling on Lazy Afternoons

Summary: Based on a prompt I received. Dan and Phil are cuddling on the couch when their landlord walks in. Turns out he's homophobic. (she said I could end it however I wanted, so I ended it Like this) Dan and Phil get angry and kill the landlord.

Warnings: minor character death, offensive terms, mentions of cannibalism, mentions of homophobia. But it's actually quite humorous. Just....give it a chance.....you neve know. You might like it.

I hope this is okay!!!

This got weird fast.

WC: 1043

Btw I wrote this kinda weird, I'm trying to eXPAND MY HORIZONS OKAY? GOD YOURE NOT MY REAL MOM!

Dan and Phil were laying on the couch, cuddling. There was nothing weird or imparticular about this, this was a daily rountine. They would turn the TV on, drape themselves across each other, normally with Phil being the little spoon, beacause Dan said now that he was "taller", it only made sence. Phil argued this point of course. He said that the hight difference was "barely" there. Eventually, though, Phil gave in, he didn't really care how he got to cuddle his boyfriend, as long as they were actually cuddling. Its the small things.

Back to the story, like I said, It was a normal day, a boring Wednesday afternoon. They were watching Master Chef and laughing about a curdling cake. Dan's arms were around Phil's waist, and Phil has his head resting against Dan's chest. He was receiving small pecks everynow and then, it was just a regular day for the two boys. Until IT happened.

Allow me to continue, you see, every now and then their Landord randomly lets himself in, never knocks, never says a word until he's in the room with you. And sometimes it becomes very unconventional, like when Phil's is changing clothes and the Landlord opens his door and sees him naked. Or when Dan has just gotten out of the shower and once again, their Landlord walks in on him! Who even opens the bathroom door without knocking? Especially of you dont live there.

However, this only happens sometimes, it doesn't happen frequently enough for them to complain, it just leaves a highly uncomfortable feeling with the two males.

And this is how a rude Landlord came to be told off by two uber gay Males, on a boring regular Wednesday afternoon.

Dan was running his fingers through Phil's hair when a voice broke the silence, and scared the living BeeJesus Christ out of two males, in their mid to late twenties.

(( Idk y their landlord talks like this but it made me happy sooo xD ))

"Oi! What's all this Lads?" An unsettled voice broke the silence.

Dan and Phil jumped up from the couch, breathing hard from the slight heart attack they had just had.

"Oh, Stepheno it's just you!" Dan said holding his chest and lauging lightly, not seeing the disgusted face of their Landlord.

"We thought you were a murderer!" Phil added on, laughing lightly with Dan.

"People like you ought to be murdered!!" Stephano said, spitting on their floor.

Dan looked at the siliva soaking into their carpet. "What did you just say?" Dan asked, with a dark look in his eyes.

"You and your little faggot friend are disgustin' and immoral. It's folks like you that bring plague n' disease to the world." Their Landlord spit in a heavy northern accent.

"And it's people like you that make me the psychotic murderer I am." Dan said menacingly.

"What'r you talkin' about boy?" Their Landlord said taking a few steps back from the two boys.

"Read between the lines." And like that Dan lunged at the Man while Phil locked the door and turned the stereo on. They didn't have neighbors currently, but rather safe than sorry.

Phil went into the kitchen calmly, this was not the first escapade he and Dan had been on. He went to the counter and pulled out a butcher knife, before strolling into the lounge and handing it to Dan.

He watched as their Landlord screamed and cried for mercy, until Dan silenced him with a final hack.

They smiled at each other as Dan stood up and hugged Phil, laying his head on the older ones shoulder.

"I love you Phil." Dan said.

"I know." Phil replied. Dan elbowed him and Phil smiled.

"Well I guess we better get rid of him." Dan sighed.

"This part is always the worst, so messy." Phil mused.

"It has too be done though." Dan said. "Prison doesn't seem very fun."

So together they began working on cutting the body up and putting him in a rather large suitcase.

Dan called Chris and PJ and told them they had another body, to come pick up.

In the meantime Dan and Phil began scrubbing the floor, with a chemical that takes away the metallicy smell, and wiped away blood splatter.

"Good thing we layed that shower curtain down before cutting him up." Dan said wiping his forehead.

"I know! This part is more exausting then the dissecting!" Phil groaned.

"I still don't understand how Chris and PJ eat that!" Phil said motioning to the body now in the suitcase.

"Hey Phil, we don't judge others, to each their own." Dan said looking Phil in the eye.

"I'm not judging them for that! Silly! I just don't think human would taste very good!" Phil said laughing.

Just then there was a ring from the doorbell.

"Chris is here!" Dan shouted.

Chris walked in and picked up the case.

"Thanks for that call guys! You know how much PJ likes this stuff! He's gonna be thrilled!" Chris said, as he saluted and exited the apartment. We had a strict agreement that this wasn't social hour. He came, and left. We could talk later.

"This has been a long day!" Dan muttered.

"I know!" Phil exclaimed.

"So you wanna cuddle again? Since we were so rudely interupted before?" Dan asked Phil laying down and patting the spot beside him.

"You know me too well!" Phil said laying down and burying his head in Dan's chest.

SWIGGITY SWISS WELL...HERE....HERE IS THIS...

This was supposed to sound light hearted but I fear I sound Like a raging psychopath. This was actually really funny to write lol. Its all fun and games until someone gets murdered and eaten.

L8tr SKUNK NUGGETS